The Uncle Walt’s Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.]
“Dear (Step)Moms: Why are you always SO rude over here?” – Melissa M, St. Louis MO
[Note: This question was posed to us on Facebook. It probably wasn’t technically asked of the (Step)Moms, but we don’t care. Or is that rude?]
Hi Mel, thanks for asking.
I struggle with this question, as we strive to be as un-rude as possible. For instance, it is a UWI policy to ALWAYS excuse yourself when you break wind. All of us were at the local Svalbard Sizzler one evening recently, enjoying a meal when the urge hit.
Did you know that flatulence is contagious, just like yawning? Soon the entire table was creating a chorus of sound. There were high notes, low notes, we had some mid-tones as well. Despite this gaseous orchestra, each and everyone of us excused ourselves.
We pride ourselves on the services offered both here at unclewalts.com, and on the various social media platforms that we participate in. Why, we were’t called the top social media influencer for 2020 for nothing!
We hope you have a magical day!
I remember that day at the local Sizzler! Maybe we could get Disney Food Blog to review them? After they air out the place, of course.
Marty, your solo that night was amazing. I can’t believe how long you held that note!
Just don’t go to the Svalbard Sizzler. At least until they air out the place.
I think most of the problem was that it was the Svalbard Sizzler. Sadly there is no Old Country Buffet in Svalbard. There’s not even a Golden Corral, which is a step above Sizzler. (Yes, it’s a very small step, but still ….)
Hello, Melvin, and thank you for contacting my campaign.
I’m not rude to anyone. Ever. I’d never get elected if I was rude to people. I don’t know what you’re talking about. When I walk into a room, I’m the nicest guy there. Just ask my campaign manager, Marty.
And about that night at Sizzler, I have to admit Marty’s keeping his baritone flatulence on key was highly impressive. You really do need to experience it for yourself. Perhaps Disney will ask him to come perform at the American Pavilion for the next Flower and Garden Festival. Maybe he can even perform with Styx. I can just see it now… Instead of a synth for the instrumental, it’s Marty. He’s certainly up to it.
As for me, you’ll be happy to know that I flatulate much better than I sing. Hey, Marty, do you think we could use that for my campaign?
Way ahead of you. I’ve already ordered the posters with that slogan.
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