The Uncle Walt’s Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.]
“Dear (Step) Moms: I’m pretty sure I saw Marty at Disneyland this week. He looked a lot like his photograph, and was wearing an ‘Uncle Walt’s Insider’ button. And he was hanging around churro carts trying to get people to buy him one, claiming he was an important person on the internet. Was that the real Marty?” – Candace L., Thousand Oaks CA
Walt:
Hi Candy, thanks for asking.
How exciting for you that you saw me on your last visit to Walt Disney World! I know that was a big deal for you to know that we were at the same Disney Resort at the same time, and you even saw me! Next time, don’t be shy! Come on up and say hello. I promise you I am quite friendly, and not like Joe Biden at all!
Harriet:
Just don’t go to Walt Disney World. There are already enough people there without you.
X:
Hi Candace. Without having access to a video recording of your entire trip, I have no idea what you saw, so I can’t answer this question.
Walt:
X, I used to wonder about that myself. Thought it was a bunch of mumbo-jumbo. A magical food so good that Marty would hang around, hoping to get even the smallest of crumbs? Crazy thing is, it’s true. The Churro, Marty – all of it. It’s all true.
Ub:
I feel that this question has been fully answered, so I’d like to talk to you about the Disney Rash.
Many people suffer from this, but you don’t have to. All you have to do is [REDACTED] and make sure you [REDACTED] and make sure you liberally apply an anti-itch ointment to [REDACTED]. Then, [REDACTED] while [REDACTED] and [REDACTED]. The good news is that the rash should go away around ten days after you go home.
Thanks for asking about Churro culture and allowing me to answer about how it fits into [REDACTED].
Marty:
You were that lady wearing the red jacket and the rose gold Minnie ears, right? No, sorry, it wasn’t me.
Ub:
A red jacket with rose gold Minnie ears? What kind of monster are you to wear those colors together?
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