The Uncle Walt’s Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.]
“Dear (Step) Moms: My fiancé and I are getting married and taking our honeymoon at Disney World! I know they have a Memory Maker package, but do they also have a Family Maker package?” – Chloe T., Cleveland, OH
Harriet:
Just don’t go to Walt Disney World. There are already enough people there without you.
Ub:
Hi Chloe, and thanks for writing to the (Step) Moms. The Walt Disney World Resort is a wonderful place to get married and to have your honeymoon! And where better to consummate your marriage than on the Tomorrowland Transit Authority?
And the best news is that they have surveillance cameras along the entire route, so everything you do will be caught on CCTV – not to mention you’ll give the Cast Members working the TTA tower quite a show! It’s also believed that the magnets in the track can aid in the experience, especially if you get a manager in the tower who E-Stops the ride because of you! If that happens, you’ll know because suddenly your Peoplemover will switch from moving forward at seven miles per hour to reverse without stopping.
I commend you for choosing Walt Disney World as your honeymoon spot. Be sure to spend an entire day at Fantasyland, and make sure you experience the joy of what happens when parents keep pushing their three-year-olds through the wonderful experience of visiting an overwhelming theme park, when the kids really just need to go back to the hotel room for an hour and take a nap. After all, there’s no time for your kids to rest when you’re at Disney World!
And if nine months from your trip the joy of new family members graces your home, remember one very important thing: once they’re a teen, your child will love it when you recall the details of their existence having started at Disney World. Certainly, it will make rides on the Tomorrowland Transit Authority with them that much more entertaining..
Marty:
I’m sorry, but I’m sitting this one out. I am really uncomfortable with the use of the word ‘package’ in this context.
Ub:
Which reminds me! Thanks for once, Marty.
When you and your new husband board the TTA, the first thing you’ll want to do is [SEVERAL PARAGRAPHS REDACTED BY MARTY TO KEEP THIS SITE AT LEAST A LITTLE BIT FAMILY FRIENDLY]. Then throw the Dixie cup out.
Walt:
Hi Mr. T, thanks for asking. No.
Ub, quit sending folks to the Peoplemover, you’re starting to traumatize the cast working the attraction, AND now custodial!
Ub:
Walt, don’t worry. There’s enough turnover that most only ever see this stuff once. The ones who stay like it.
X:
No. Just no. Ugh. That’s a mental image I really didn’t want.
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