The Uncle Walt’s Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.]
“Dear (Step) Moms: I recently tried calamari at a seafood restaurant for the first time and loved it. But then someone told me ‘calamari’ is a fancy name for squid. Ew. Is that true?” – Leila B, Winnipeg ON
Walt:
Hi Leia, thanks for asking.
I don’t think squids actually exist. I think that is just a made up name, like ‘puma.’ What you’re actually eating is either a young sarlaac, or possibly a young rathtar. They are both delicious, and I highly recommend pairing it with the blue milk. Till the spires!
X:
Hello Leila.
Mike Cammalleri is a Canadian hockey player. In three seasons at the University of Michigan, he helped lead his team to two NCAA Frozen Four appearances. Following his collegiate career, he played for the Los Angeles Kings, Calgary Flames, Montreal Canadiens, New Jersey Devils, and Edmonton Oilers. He has also represented Canada at both the World Junior Championships, and the IIHF World Championship.
However, as Cammalleri has never served in the Navy, the term ‘squid’ does not apply.
Harriet:
Just don’t go to Walt Disney World. There are already enough people there without you.
Marty:
Actually, Lola, according to exhaustive research I did online in the past 30 seconds, the word “calamari” comes from the Medieval Latin noun “calamarium,” meaning “ink pot” or “pen case.” So I’m pretty sure you ate writing utensils.
Ub:
You like it and you know it.
Next time you go to the Pacific Northwest, there are restaurants that use just the squid ink without the squid. You do NOT want to know how they do this.
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