The Uncle Walt’s Insider step-planDisney (Step)Moms answer your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.]
“Dear step-planDisney (Step)Moms: So I see Disney opposed a law against teaching 5-8 years about sexual lifestyles. With that in mind, when is the best age to first take my kids to Walt Disney World?” – Madelyn Martin, Topeka KS
Marty:
Hi, Mad. 27.
(That’s assuming you can still afford it by then.)
Walt:
Hi Max, thanks for asking. I would wait for Elon Musk to buy them, give it a year or two, and then take them.
X:
Walt, if Elon is buying her children, wouldn’t he be responsible for taking them to Disney World, not Madeline?
Marty:
Elon’s buying kids now? Is that legal?
And if so, do you know how I can get in touch with him?
Walt:
Buying and selling of children would be human trafficking. That is wrong. That said, I do believe there is a section dedicated to that at the new Creations Shop at EPCOT, I think it was right next to the “My First BDSM” section in the Children’s area of the store.
Grogu:
Walt:
I know Grogu… well said.
Now that the shenanigans are behind us… Melvin, this day and age you need Elon Musk kind of money to visit the parks, so what is it you kids say these days? ROLO? Wait, no that’s candy. HELO? Wait, no, that’s not it either. YOLO, that’s it!
Harriet:
Just don’t go to Walt Disney World.
That’s it. Just don’t go.
X:
Getting back to Melody’s question, there’s 2 parts. One about taking kids to Disney, one about the stupid close minded legislation pushed by Florida’s governor. I don’t know how they’re related.
Unless you’re one of those people that think a book that shows a kid with 2 dads will somehow turn your child gay. It won’t. When I was a kid, I read a book about some hobbits. By your logic, that should have led me to try and destroy the one ring. I haven’t.
You know what, Harriet is right. Don’t go to Disney World, it’ll be a better place without you there.
Ub:
Hi, Marty. Thank you for writing to the step-planDisney (step)Moms. Hey, I think I got it right this time. Go me!
With Ron DeSantis wanting to protect your – and his – children from learning all about how sex works before they’re 8 years old, Florida is a great place to vacation and live. But the people of Florida would like me not to tell you that, at least about living there, since they feel that there are enough people living there now. But it really is a great place to live. And with the hundreds of thousands of people joining my friend Kelli in moving her family there, I guess we see the effects that the governor is having. And no, by the way, your taxes there won’t go up because Disney is having their Vatican-like tax shelter taken away. They’ll just charge their guests, of which… should you even be one?
So take your kids to Florida now. But I’d wait on the Disney trip. There is plenty to do in Florida.
I wonder if Elon would buy me?
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