The Uncle Walt’s Insider step-planDisney (Step)Moms answer your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.]
“Dear step-planDisney (Step)Moms: I’d really like to stay at that new Disney Star Wars hotel, but then I saw the prices — minimum $749, per person, per night! So I guess my question is, should I sell a kidney on the black market to finance the trip? And do you know anyone who’s in the market for a kidney?” – Charleen Hasdrubal, Petersburg, VA
Dear Charlie, one quick question first. Is it your kidney?
Hi Charleston, thanks for asking. That is a very good question, but it depends on the type of kidney.
We can break it down to four different classifications: the common kidney (also known as red kidney), light speckled kidney, red speckled kidney, and the white kidney – also known as cannellini.
Then you really need to decide on how you want to use the kidney. I like the red variety with rice, but never, EVER, in chili. You can also use the red ones to make a sweet paste, common in Asian counties for pastry filling.
The kidney is really versatile, let us know how you use it.
Just don’t go to Walt Disney World. Or space. There are already enough aliens there without you.
Hi Peter, it’s always great to hear from you. Welcome back.
As you may know, kidneys do fetch a fair price, but do you know what goes for more? Te ndons ! That’s right. Te ndons fetch a great price, especially if you donate more than two of them. And you have plenty to spare.
It’s true, donating te ndons may make it more difficult to walk or lift things, but you’ll manage.
Hope that helps.
As the famous adventurer Otis T. Wren once said,
“Life is skittles and life is beer
I think the loveliest time
Of the year is the spring
I do, don’t you? ‘Course you do.”
And if you have had too many Skittles and beer, you’ll need a new kidney. Forget about the Star Wars hotel.
Still waiting to learn if it’s her kidney she’s selling. It seems like we should know that.
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