Step-planDisney: The new Star Wars hotel is pricey. Should I sell a kidney?

The Uncle Walt’s Insider step-planDisney (Step)Moms answer your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.]

“Dear step-planDisney (Step)Moms: I’d really like to stay at that new Disney Star Wars hotel, but then I saw the prices — minimum $749, per person, per night! So I guess my question is, should I sell a kidney on the black market to finance the trip? And do you know anyone who’s in the market for a kidney?” – Charleen Hasdrubal, Petersburg, VA

Marty:

Dear Charlie, one quick question first. Is it your kidney? 

Walt:

Hi Charleston, thanks for asking. That is a very good question, but it depends on the type of kidney.

We can break it down to four different classifications: the common kidney (also known as red kidney), light speckled kidney, red speckled kidney, and the white kidney – also known as cannellini.

Then you really need to decide on how you want to use the kidney. I like the red variety with rice, but never, EVER, in chili. You can also use the red ones to make a sweet paste, common in Asian counties for pastry filling.

The kidney is really versatile, let us know how you use it.

Harriet:

Just don’t go to Walt Disney World. Or space. There are already enough aliens there without you.

Ub:

Hi Peter, it’s always great to hear from you. Welcome back.

As you may know, kidneys do fetch a fair price, but do you know what goes for more? Te[highlight bg=”#000000″ color=”#000000″]ndons[/highlight]! That’s right. Te[highlight bg=”#000000″ color=”#000000″]ndons[/highlight] fetch a great price, especially if you donate more than two of them. And you have plenty to spare.

It’s true, donating te[highlight bg=”#000000″ color=”#000000″]ndons[/highlight] may make it more difficult to walk or lift things, but you’ll manage.

Hope that helps.

X:

Hi Charlemagne,

As the famous adventurer Otis T. Wren once said,

“Life is skittles and life is beer
I think the loveliest time
Of the year is the spring
I do, don’t you? ‘Course you do.”

And if you have had too many Skittles and beer, you’ll need a new kidney. Forget about the Star Wars hotel.

Marty:

Still waiting to learn if it’s her kidney she’s selling. It seems like we should know that.

Grogu:

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