The Uncle Walt’s Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.]
“Dear (Step) Moms: I’m ready to get back to work. When do you think that will happen?” – Beth C., Gaithersburg MD
Marty:
No worries, Becky. I’m sure that the authorities will reopen everything just as soon as the risk of dying from any cause has been brought down to zero.
Baby Yoda:
Walt:
Hi Bart, thanks for asking!
How exciting that you want to get back to work! I would recommend just labeling your job as medically necessary, and then you can start anytime!
Be sure that when you do start back up, you wash your hands regularly, use hand sanitizer, and in general practice good hygiene! You know, brush your teeth, shower, change your clothes, wear deodorant, the usual things you did before isolation! All of us on the UWI(S)MP are excited for your return as a productive member of society.
Marty:
Hang on. We’re supposed to practice good hygiene normally? Oh.
X:
Greetings Beth! I wanted to answer with a scathing rant against Republican governors and presidents who are more concerned with their back account balance than they are with human life, but Walt told me that we can’t bring politics into our answers, so I had to revise my answer.
So, here it is: I am not medically qualified to answer that question.
Ub:
Hello Eliza, and thank you for contacting the (Step) Moms.
You should go back to work now, but do it in a safe way. For the best combination of viral impermeability and comfort, you’ll want a Tychem TK airtight suit from DuPont. As a bonus, wearing this at the office will simplify social distancing. Note that you’ll either need a standing desk or specialized seating to accommodate the rear of the suit.
Hope that helps!
Harriet:
Just don’t come within six feet of me. There are enough viruses here without you.
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