(Step)Moms Panel: WDW without Fastpasses or dining reservations? |

(Step)Moms Panel: WDW without Fastpasses or dining reservations?

UWI (Step)Moms Panel

The Uncle Walt’s Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.]

“Dear (Step)Moms: So now we know when Walt Disney World is reopening. But I also understand that all Fastpasses and dining reservations have been cancelled. How’s it all going to work now?” – Sandra P., Bangalore, India

Harriet:

Just don’t go to Walt Disney World. There will be people there now.

Baby Yoda:

Walt:

Hi Sarah, thanks for asking.

How exciting that your dining reservations and Fastpasses have been cancelled! Back in my day, we did this thing called “waiting in line.” That’s how it’ll happen.

X:

Hi Sandy!

The important thing to remember is that FastPass actually makes the lines longer. You think you’re skipping the line, but in actually, you’re waiting in line from whenever you book the FastPass until you actually get on the ride.

Now, granted, maybe some rides, like Soarin’, are worth a 60-day, 6 hour and 3 minute wait. But others? Not so much. Just look at Navi’i’i River Journey, or Rivers of Light. Not worth it.

Walt:

I’d agree on the OG Soarin’. CGI Soarin’? I like to close my eyes and picture the original.

Marty:

Dear Sara, these are exciting times for Disney park fans! Walt Disney World is doing a ‘reboot,’ and starting over from scratch!

Eliminating reservations and Fastpasses is just the first step, and soon the entire resort will be back to how it worked in 1971 when it opened. Sure, it will take tearing down a lot of hotels and three of the parks, and we’ll have to deal with hippies and Richard Nixon again. But on the bright side, admission will only be $3.50 for adults and $1.00 for kids! (You will have to pay a few dimes to ride each attraction.)

The only difference between 1971’s Walt Disney World and the new WDW v2.0 will be the need for virus protection. For health reasons, no Cast Member or guest will be allowed to exhale while inside the Magic Kingdom.

Have a great trip!

P.S. You’re from Indiana? Cool! I’ve never been to Bangalore (I thought that was in Maine), but I did pass through Gary once while driving between Chicago and Detroit.

Ub:

Hello, Sam. Sam from Orlando? Ah ha ha, inside joke among Disney Cast Members. You wouldn’t understand. When someone shows up for work without their own nametag, most areas give you a nametag that they’ve premade to work for male or female Cast Members, like Alvin, Simon, or Theodore at Kilimanjaro Safari. But if the managers really want to be withering and punitive, they’ll give you something like Sam from Orlando. See? I know. It doesn’t make much sense.

One day when we were filming Raiders of the Lost Ark, Harrison Ford was not feeling well at all. He was supposed to have a long, drawn out fight with one of the swordsmen in Cairo, but there was no way he was up to the several stabbings he was supposed to receive.

The problem is, when you’ve rented Cairo and moved the city and its inhabitants to Hollywood for filming, that is just not cheap. The show must go on, as they say. So between bouts of relaxing on the toilet, we had Harrison come out and do the scene, slightly modified. It became one of the most iconic scenes in any of the real Indiana Jones films.

So work with what you’ve got. Go with the flow. Get creative, and make it work for you. Who knows… your end product might just change a beloved franchise.

Just… don’t give the reigns of the brand over to producers that get bored in the middle of production. Did you see what J.J. Abrams did to Star Trek? Total A.D.H.D moment that Indiana Jones just can’t afford.

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