(Step)Moms Panel: Will Walt Disney World & Universal ever merge? |

(Step)Moms Panel: Will Walt Disney World & Universal ever merge?

UWI Step Moms Panel

The Uncle Walt’s Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.]

“Dear (Step) Moms: I love Walt Disney World, but I also enjoy Universal Orlando. It’s so hard to divide my limited vacation time and budget between the two. Do you ever foresee a time when the two resorts will merge?” – Lavinia Durant, Vicksburg MS 

Marty:

Dear Laverne, how exciting for you! I love planning a trip… Oh, sorry, hang on. I just automatically start answers like that sometimes before actually reading the question. Disregard.

Will Disney and Universal merge? Absolutely. Maybe not a “merger” per se, but it’s pretty clear by now that the Disney Company is a growing black hole, feeding on and absorbing any and every entertainment company that falls into its path. Disney will soon own everything. Including you.

So enjoy your trip!!

Walt:

Hi Vicky, thanks for asking.

Personally, your question sickens me. I cannot fathom visiting a wonderful place like Walt Disney World and then even think of setting foot in the cesspool known as Universal. If Disney did acquire Universal, it would only be to bring Spiderman home, and then tear it all down. Good day.

X:

Hi, Lavinia. This is a very good question. A lot of people seem to think that Disney will eventually take over every entertainment venture in the world.

However, thanks to President Grover ‘I am not a Muppet’ Cleveland signing the bill known as 46 U.S.C. § 55103, it will never happen. The antitrust provisions in that bill ensure that no theme park operators can transport guests between 2 U.S. ports. Given that Universal’s Islands of Adventure requires all guests to go through the ‘Ports of Entry’, it is subject to maritime laws.

[Marty: Huh, learned something new. I was sure he was a Muppet.]

[X: That’s actually a very common misconception, perpetuated by the Flat Earth Society.]

Ub:

Hello, Vera. What a world we live in! Having deeply studied the finances of all three companies – you know, a ten-minute Google search – I’ve come to the conclusion that a merger is coming, just not from where you might expect.

Once SpaceX buys Alphabet, I believe they will be ripe pickings for Apple… who will then go and buy NBCUniversal and the Grimm franchise, and finally they’ll go on to purchase Disney, which will be a huge blow-out at the 2024 general election.

Harriet: 

Just don’t go to Walt Disney World. There are already enough people there without you. 

Walt:

I said good day!

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