Did our writers go on strike, and Walt didn’t even notice?
UNCLE WALT’S H.Q., SVALBARD – Faithful readers to this site [Ed.: We have those?] may have noticed a lot of, well, nothing lately. No doubt, this caused you to think “Wait, does the site still exist?” Which would be a very valid question. The answer, dear reader, is, of course, Yes. We do still exist. We still churn out [Ed.: not-so] copious quantities of award-winning satire.
So where have we been? Here’s some reasons we haven’t been publishing lately:
Bob Chapek was our insider.
It’s hard to provide inside knowledge when you’re on the outside.
We’re still trying to find the perfect rhyme for “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” for our next article about Mary Poppins.
Even ‘Orange’ is easier to rhyme with!
Our Editor-In-Chief accidentally turned himself into a churro during a failed experiment with pixie dust.
We know, we’re talking crazy talk now.
ChatGPT has been insisting on a raise and more vacation time before it’ll generate any more content for us.
Oh wait, this one may actually be true.
We forgot to pay our internet bill.
In other words, business as usual.
Marty went “walkabout” over a year ago and we haven’t seen him since.
Not a great idea on Svalbard. We’re guessing he was eaten by a polar bear.
Not to brag, but Walt got us a ride on SpaceX Crew-7.
Nobody told us how long the mission would be.
It’s sooooo hard to keep improving on perfection.
Not to toot our own horns, except that’s exactly what we’re doing.
Someone donated free hummus and pita chips to our office last January.
A lot of free hummus and pita chips.
The return of The Adventurer’s Club.
We got so hopeful when we announced it.
Now that Disneyland Escanaba has actually been built, no one believes we’re satire anymore.
They did build it, right?
We got lost in the Magic Kingdom’s underground tunnels, and are still trying to find a way out.
The wifi is pretty bad down here. And tunnel sludge is nasty.
The article credit says X, but several UWI writers contributed. So don’t blame him.
Do you believe any of our excuses? Let us know in the comments below!
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