This is Disney! There’s no מִין at Disney!
E.P.C.O.T. C.E.N.T.R.E. — Even though the Festival of THE Holiday [X: HEY!] is only a week into its annual run, Disney is already starting to talk about the next Festival coming to Epcot: the Festival of Fertility!
Our own Uncle Walt stumbled across prep for this brand new Festival, so we reached out to Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation) regarding his find. The conversation went like this:
What festival is this, he asked him knowingly?
Jun: “As we close out the Festival of THE Holiday [X: HEY!] this year, we are going to transition into a brand new Festival that celebrates, well, you know.”
Ub: “Keynesian economics?”
Wink wink, nudge nudge
We can't believe she said all of this... open at your own risk!
“A bit of crumpet, A bit of “How’s yer father?”, A bit of the old in-out, in-out, Accommodation, Act of darkness, Adult naptime, Afternoon delight, Aggressive cuddling, Agreeing on stuff, Amorous congress, Assault with a friendly weapon, Attacking the pink fortress, Baking the potato, Balling, Bam-bam in the ham, Banana in a fruit salad, Bandicooting, Banging, Barneymugging, Basket-making, Batter-dipping the corn dog, Beard-splitting, Beating guts, Bedroom rodeo, Being intimate, Belly-bumping, Bending her over a barrel and showing her the fifty states, Bisecting the triangle, Blitzkrieg mit dem fleischgewehr, Blowing the grounsils, Bludgeoning the flaps, Bodging, Boffing, Boinking, Bonestorming, Boning, Boom-boom, Boppin’ squiddles, Bouncy-bouncy, Bow-chick-a-wow-wow, Bringing an al dente noodle to the spaghetti house, Bruising the beef curtains, Buckwilding, Bulging the back of the old onion bag, Bumping uglies, Buttering the biscuit, Burping the worm in the mole hole, Burying the weasel, Bushwacking, Buying Frisbees, Buzzing the Brillo, Carnal knowledge, Cattle-prodding the oyster ditch with the lap rocket, Caulking the tub, Cave-diving, Charvering, Checking the oil, Chesterfield rugby, Christening the yak, Churning butter, Cleaning the cobwebs with the womb broom, Clicketing, Clunge plunge, Commixtion, Completing the jigsaw puzzle, Corking the onion, Crashing the custard truck, Creaming the Twinkie, Crunching guts, Crushing buns, Cully-shangying, Dancing in the sheets, Dancing the goat’s jig, Daubing the brush, Dickening, Digging up the sand crab, Dinky-tickling, Dipping the crane in the oil well, Dipping the stinger in the honey, Dipping the wick, Disappointing the wife, Docking, Doddling, Doing it, Doing squat thrusts in the cucumber patch, Doing the Devil’s dance, Doing the dirty deed, Doing the dipsy doodle, Doing the do, Doing the hibbety-dibbety, Doing the horizontal greased-weasel tango, Doing the mystery dance, Doing the nasty, Doing the wild thing, Doinking, Doodle-bopping, Doodling, Drabbling, Driving Miss Daisy, Dunking the dingus, Enraging the cave, Entangling the lower beards, Entering the castle, Exploring Punarnia, Extreme flirting, Feeding the kitty, Fenorking, Ferking, Fettling, Fickey-fick, Fidgeting the midget in Bridget, Filling her out like an application, Filling the cream donut, Filling the gas tank, Fishing for kippers, Fixing the clap flap, Fletching, Flimp-flopping, Forbidden polka, Four-legged foxtrot, Frickle-frackle, Frigging, Fucking, Funny business, Furgling, Getting a bellyful of marrow, Getting busy, Getting down, Getting it on, Getting laid, Getting some, Getting up in them guts, Getting one’s banana peeled, Getting one’s bean waxed, Getting one’s bone honed, Getting one’s canoe shellacked, Getting one’s kettle mended, Getting one’s Twinkie stinky, Getting some stank on the hang down, Giving her the beans, Giving the dog a bone, Going all the way, Going balls-deep, Going crab fishing in the Dead Sea, Going heels-to-Jesus, Going in the nappy dugout, Going to the grocery store, Gland-to-gland combat, Glazing the donut, Greasing the loaf pan, Grummeting, Gutsticking, Hanging 20 toes, Hanging at the Y, Hanky panky, Harpooning the salty longshoreman, Having relations, Having hot pudding for supper, Hiding the bishop, Hiding the Nazi, Hitting a home run, Hitting the skins, Hitting the upvote button, Hot beef injection, Humpy-squirty, Horizontal refreshments, Hot yoga, Humping, Huntching, Interior decorating, Introducing Charley, Intromission, Jamming the clam, Jerking it where she’s twerking it, Jerking off with someone to talk to, Jiffy-stiffing, Jiggery-pokery, Jingle-jangling, Jinking, Jiving, Joint session of Congress, Jumping bones, Jumping the turnstile, Knobbing, Knocking boots, Knowing someone in the biblical sense, Launching the meat missile, Laying pipe, Loading the clown into the cannon, Locking legs and swapping gravy, Lust-and-thrust, Makin’ bacon, Making a magical sandwich, Making it, Making love, Making one’s way downtown, Making the beast with two backs, Making whoopee, Marital congress, Mashing the fat, Mattress-dancing, Matrimonial polka, Midnight jockey ride, Mingling limbs, Mishing, Moistening the Pope, Mollocking, Monkey business, Monster mashing, Mort douce, Mortar and pestle, Moving furniture, Myrtling, Naffing, Nailing, Negotiating the forested chasm, Nobbling, Noddy, Nubbing, Nugging, Nurtling, Nut in the gut, Nygling, Occupying, Opening the gates of Mordor, Organ grinding, Oscillating the unmentionables, Paddling up Coochie Creek, Palliardizing, Pants-off dance-off, Parallel parking, Parking the beef bus in Tuna Town, Parting the pink sea, Passing the gravy, Patching the hatchet wound, Peeling the tree bark, Pelvic pinochle, Phutzing, Pickling the prime meridian, Pile-driving, Pizzling, Planting the parsnip, Wobbly hides his helmet, Playing dungeons and dragons, Playing hide the cannoli, Playing peek-a-boo with your vein cane in the flesh pipe, Playing Tetris, Playing with the box the kid came in, Plonking, Plooking, Plowing through the bean field, Plugging, Pogo in the shrub, Poking squid, Pole-varnishing, Polishing the porpoise, Pondering the unicorn, Porking, Posting a letter, Pounding the paternal piston, Pounding the punani pavement, Puddle-snuggling, Pranging, Praying with the knees upwards, Pressing dangly parts, Pressing the baby button, Pressure-washing the quiver bone in the bitch wrinkle, Prick-scouring, Prigging, Pronging, Pully-hawly, Pumping fur, Punch-fucking the rosebud, Punching the cow, Putting condensed milk on the waffle, Putting ranch dressing in Hidden Valley, Putting the bread in the oven, Putting the email in the spam folder, Putting the wand in the chamber of secrets, Quelching, Quimsticking, Releasing the Kraken, George, Riding the bolonga pony, Riding the Bony Express, Rip-‘n’-Dip, Roasting the broomstick, Rocking ‘n’ rolling, Rogering, Rolling in the hay, Rooting, Roughing up the suspect, Rubbing the fun bits, Rubbing wet spots, Rumbusticating, Rummaging in the root cellar, Rumpling, Rumpy-pumpy, Rutting, Schnoodlypooping, Scoring, Scragging, Screwing, Scrogging, Scromping, Scrumping, Searching for pocket change, Seeing a man about a dog, Sending out for sushi, Sexual congress, Sexy time, Shaboinking, Shafting, Shagging, Shaking sheets, Shampooing the wookie, Sharpening the pencil, Sheathing the meat dagger, Shocking the monkey, Shooting the meat rocket into the sausage wallet, Shrimpin’ the Barbie, Shtupping, Shucking the oyster, Sinking the pink, Skeet-shooting, Skinning the cat, Sklooging, Slamming the clam, Slap and tickle, Slapping sloppies, Slaying the vadragon, Sliming the banana, Slippin’ and slidin’, Slophockey, Smacking the salmon, Smashing buttflaps, Smashing pissers, Smegging, Snabbling, Snibbing, Snu-snu, Souring the kraut, Spearing the bearded clam, Spelunking the slime cave, Splitting the hamster, Splooge bathing, Splurgin’ the nurge, Spray-painting the cervix, Squat-jumping in the cucumber patch, Squishin’ the gibbly bits, Sticking it in the slop box, Sticking the llama’s head up the lift shaft, Stirring guts, Stirring the up-skirt yogurt, Struggle snuggling, Stuffin’ the muffin, Stuffing the taco, Swanky swirling, Sweeping the chimney, Switcheling, Taking Grandma to Applebee’s, Taking ol’ One-Eye to the optometrist, Taking the bald-headed gnome for a stroll in the misty forest, Taking the magic bus to Manchester, Taming the strange, Tapping ass, Testing the humidity, Testing the suspension, Thumping thighs, Thrashing the gash, Threading the needle, Thrumming, Tickling her tummy from the inside, Tiffing, Tonking, Torpedoing the eel, Tripping down the mine shaft, Tromboning, Tube-snake boogie, Tubular wedging, Tumbling, Tunnel patrol, Twirling the Dum Dum, Two-ball in the middle pocket, Two-person push-ups, Tying the true lover’s knot, Using a telescope to explore the black hole, Venerean mirth, Venery, Violating the prime directive, Vulcanizing the whoopee stick, Waka-waka, Waxing ass, Wetting the willy, Whitewashing the picket fence, Whittling the love branch, Wiggling the toothpick, Yentzing, Yiffing, Zig-Zagging.”
Walt: “JUN! This is a family site!”
X: “I clearly said מִין, it’s like you guys never listen.”
Ub: “Ah, socialism.”
Should parents bring kids to the festival of fertility? Let us know in the comments below!
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Cover photo: Images from Epcot’s upcoming (so to speak) Festival of Fertility. Inset photo by Uncle Walt (who hasn’t learned that our header images are in landscape mode), used without permission, and ©2020 Google / Street View.