“Just in time for the Epcot International Food & Wine Festival!”
WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL — After recent guest feedback, Disney has made the announcement that anyone visiting the Disney theme parks, resorts, spas, and hair care & tire centers, must also have a child along with them. This new “child required” policy will start on August 29th, just in time for the Epcot International Food & Wine Festival.
Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation) gave us details on the new policy.
“This has actually been something in the books for about a decade. Walt (Disney, not our Uncle Walt) wanted Disneyland to be a place for families to enjoy, not rowdy groups of bachelorette parties roaming the Food and Wine festival with their drunkenness. We save that for Pirates and the New Jersey Pavilion! So yes, this new policy will require that anyone entering the gates of our theme parks must have a child included in their party.”
Not universal (meaning everywhere, not that other theme park)
“For now, this only affects the Walt Disney World Resort, Spa, Campground, & Bocce Ball Courts in Florida. We’re still trying to navigate the laws of California, since according to them, at any time you can identify as anything.”
Some other details of the new policy might be a surprise, Disney (no relation) says.
“You might ask, what counts as a child? Well, we’re not using Disney ‘child’ terms, under the age of 10; we just lower that for money. We’ll use legal age, so your 17-year-old that looks like he’s 27, he counts. Pregnant women? Only if you’re showing. Because of laws, we can’t ask, but a doctors note and sonogram would be advised.
“Fur-babies do not count. Look, you can act like your animal is your child all day long, but we all know. Pushing a dog in a stroller? What are you, seven?
Options for childless guests
So folks without children can no longer visit Walt Disney World?
“Not at all,” replied Disney (no relation). “Anyone who does not have a child can rent one for the day at Guest Relations with our new program, Disney’s Rent-A-Child+. Of course, guests renting a child will also be required to hire a Plaid [Customer service Cast Member] to supervise your party and ensure the rent-a-child’s safety. Meals, tours, and any additional souvenirs, experiences, and things like that are the responsibility of the guest. And they will be required to treat said child better than they would their own. These kids will expect it, so be ready.
“They (both the children and the Plaids) will also accept tips at the end of the day. Services charges and additional tips will be added to the cost of the rental. Fees and taxes are the responsibility of the guest renting the child.”
“Anyone who booked a Walt Disney World trip prior to August 29th for travel dates after August 29th will be required to adhere to this policy. Contact your travel agent or the Walt Disney Travel Company for more details.
“Oh yeah, one more thing. It’s one child per two adults, add in the additional Plaids… wow, those bachelorette parties are going to really increase our revenue stream! The shareholders are going to love it!”
How many kids do you plan on renting? Let us know in the comments below!
Cover photo: A family walks down Main Street with two non-rented children. Photo by DepositPhotos.