BREAKING: Disney announces “Coronavirus Dance Parties”

It’s like the old chickenpox parties, but with dancing!

BURBANK, CA — With the ever-growing news on the COVID-19 pandemic, many public gatherings are being canceled, including NCAA & NBA sporting events, churches and schools. But Disney leadership has decided to take a different path.

There will be an all-new offering at all Disney theme parks in the U.S.: The Coronavirus Dance Party. Each park will hold these dance parties nightly.

Not unprecedented

“Do you remember the chickenpox parties from when we were kids?” asked Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (not related). “Those were so much fun, and by exposing us to the virus early on, our parents were protecting us from getting chickenpox as adults, when it could potentially be life-threatening.”

Disney (not related) also acknowledged that some segments of the population should not attend the events. “People over sixty or those with compromised immune systems should not attend. Otherwise, everyone should come.”

By Grapthar’s hammer, what a savings

To help more people to visit the Disney parks during this event, Disney (the company) has slashed their ticket prices from the standard $990 per day to just $169.34 for adults, or $164.01 for children. This, in addition to the lower airfare currently offered by airlines, is expected to fill each park to capacity.

During the dance parties, janitorial cast members will continue to clean up and wipe down the parks, but with a slight difference. “We’ve been ordered not to use any cleaning solution,” said custodian cast member Chris from Orlando, FL. “We want the parks to continue to look great, we just want to help the virus along. By the way, this is off the record, right?”

After the dance parties

“After everyone leaves the Coronavirus Dance Parties,” said Disney (no relation), “Everyone will need to go home and self-quarantine for 14 days. At that point, they will be free to go about their lives, unless they show signs of upper respiratory infection.”

By holding these dance parties, Disney (no relation) says Disney (the company) is doing their part to reduce the time people spend recovering. “If everyone is exposed faster, then we’ll get through it faster.”

Do you think Coronavirus Dance Parties will work? Let us know in the comments below!

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Cover photo: A promotional graphic for DIsney’s new Coronavirus Dance Parties. Photo [CC0] via Pixabay.