It’s being temporarily renamed “Pirate’s Covid at Tom Sawyer Island”
ANAHEIM, CA — Stymied in their efforts to open their theme parks, Disney has joined the fight against Covid-19.
The Disney Company announced today that Tom Sawyer Island at the Disneyland Park will become a Covid-19 ward. Disney has already outfitted the island with the necessary medical equipment and trained Cast Members to handle Covid-19 patients.
They won’t put patients in Dead Man’s Grotto, will they?
A temporary bridge is being constructed to get patients and Cast Members safely onto the island. Disney is unable to use the rafts, as they are normally considered to be attractions — and Grand Emperor Newsom (D irtbag ) has declared that any sort of amusement ride is unnecessary to the happiness and well-being of the the little people.
Park officials have also petitioned the FDA to certify nightly performances of Fantasmic as a permissive treatment for the virus.
Do you want to get Covid-19 so you can go to Disneyland? Let us know in the comments below!
Cover photo: At least no one ever dies inside a Disney park, right? Photo by deror_avi [CC BY-SA 3.0] via Wikimedia.