![Former Disney characters, now kindling. Photo by Loren Javier [CC BY-ND 2.0] via Flickr.](https://unclewalts.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/disney-sells-brooms-other-characters-768x403.jpg)
We’re really going to miss B.O.B. BURBANK, CA — A short paragraph hidden away in the Walt Disney Company Q3 2020 Earnings Report reveals that the company sold off the rights to unpopular characters to raise money to keep the company from folding. The list of characters is quite large, but notable characters are the…
![No longer soon-to-be-appearing at the American Adventure Pavilion & Donut Shop. Photo by Thomas Hawk [CC BY-NC 2.0] via Flickr.](https://unclewalts.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/disney-epcot-winchells-donuts-768x403.jpg)
No Timbits at Le Cellier, we’re sad to report. EPCOT, FL — As Walt Disney World slowly re-opens, fans everywhere are starting to wonder about the status of the various plans previously announced for the Disney parks. As Disney looks closer at their updated financials, we are said to report that some favorite donut chains…
![Disney's new Lion Tiger King live remake. Photo of cuddly kitty cats [Public Domain. Photo of slightly cuddly Dwayne Johnson by Eva Rinaldi [CC BY-SA 2.0] via Wikimedia. Photo of not-so-cuddly Hillary Clinton by Gage Skidmore [CC BY-SA 2.0] via Wikimedia.](https://unclewalts.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/disney-live-tiger-king-768x432.jpg)
This is something the people are clamoring for, right? ANIMAL KINGDOM, FL — Uncle Walt’s Insider is pleased to bring you this exclusive announcement from Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation): “Hey all you cool cats and kittens [Ed.: Shoot us now.], Jun Disney (the spokeswoman) [Ed.: no relation] from the Disney (the…
In spite of what you think you saw onscreen, he had Covid in his blood at time of death. BLACK SPIRE OUTPOST, BATUU — A short statement released by the First Order confirms what many outlets have been reporting: Emperor Palpatine is dead from the coronavirus. The statement is below. The statement “The First Order sadly…
The President vowed to get right on this. EPCOT, FL — Walt Disney World guests, already reeling from so many changes, found a new disturbance at EPCOT’s World Showcase. The America Pavilion’s normal patriotic music, backed by the incredibly talented Voices of Liberty, has been replaced by the sounds of mariachi. Tensions were already running…