“Those dolls are packed close together indoors, singing.” DISNEYLAND, CA — Getting the Joe Biden animatronic to sign an executive order reopening Disneyland was just the first step. Now park officials are scrambling to make the Happiest Place on Earth the safest place on Earth. “We took a look at all of our attractions,” said…
![New spray-on painted face masks at Walt Disney World. Photo [CC0] courtesy of pxhere.com & pxfuel.com.](https://unclewalts.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/disney-debuts-spray-on-masks-768x403.jpg)
They’re much easier to breathe in, also. DATELINE IN CAPS — Gators may not be allowed, but now Walt Disney World is offering a mask alternative: face paint! Originally created by laid-off Photopass Cast Members as a way to pay their rent, the painted masks are proving to be extremely popular. Uncle Walt’s Insider talked…
![Cinderella Castle, moved two inches to the left. Photo by Flickr user: Michael Gray Wantagh [CC BY-SA 2.0] via Wikimedia.](https://unclewalts.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/cinderella-castle-moved-two-inches-to-the-left-768x403.jpg)
Why would you even rely on GPS in the 1960’s? WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL — Bad data from 1960-era GPS satellites has forced Disney to make minor changes to the entire Walt Disney World area, all 39 square miles. Orlando Land engineer Bucky “Buck” Buckercocktosten filed a drawing with the Reedy Creek Improvement District recently…
He took all their presents, their ribbons, their wrappings, Their snoof and their fuzzles, their tringlers and trappings! WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL — For decades, Disney has embraced the holidays, overloading their parks with festive garlands, lights, music, and shows. There were few places in the world that celebrated the season like Walt Disney World….
![We're already sick... of each other. Quarantine sign [CC0] via Pixabay.](https://unclewalts.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/UWI-quarantine-768x403.jpg)
We’re at an elevated risk, since we go viral so rarely. UNCLE WALT’S INSIDER H.Q., SVALBARD — The entire staff of Uncle Walt’s Insider has been quarantined in our Svalbard headquarters after one of our articles went viral recently. As mentioned by completely non-political and unbiased website Snopes [Ed.: remember, we are satire.], a recent…