![What exactly are the mask's ear loops holding on to? Photo by Kjaergaard [CC BY-SA 3.0] via Wikimedia.](https://unclewalts.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/shamu-wearing-proper-face-protection-768x432.jpg)
What exactly are Shamu’s mask’s ear loops holding on to? ORLANDO, FL — Looks like SeaWorld’s animals will get to swim around some more. Our taste buds’ loss is their gain. Interim SeaWorld CEO Marc Swanson (of Swanson TV dinners fame) presented their plans to the May 27th Orange County Economic Recovery Task Force (M27OCERTF,…
![This will keep the Castle from being infected with guests. Photo by Michael Gray [CC BY-SA 2.0] via Flickr.](https://unclewalts.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/cinderella-castle-covid-protection-768x432.jpg)
2025? Sounds like they’re rushing into this. WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL — Disney announced plans for the reopening of Walt Disney World at the May 27th Orange County Economic Recovery Task Force (“M27OCERTF”). A “phased reopening” of the parks will begin in just over five years! Jim McPhee (brother to Nanny McPhee), Senior Vice President…
The Uncle Walt’s Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.] “Dear (Step)Moms: First Uncle Walt’s Insider spends much of last week announcing Disneyland closing,…
![Uncle Walt's Insider is NOT closing permanently. We think. Photo [CC0] via Pxhere.](https://unclewalts.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/uwi-not-closing-permanently-768x432.jpg)
Oops. Looks like we were hacked. Or incredibly lazy. Or going for clickbait. Like we would ever do that. ANAHEIM, CA — Never mind. Sorry. Were you looking forward to Uncle Walt’s Insider closing? Let us know in the comments below! Need more Uncle Walt’s in your life? Be sure to LIKE us on Facebook,…
![Now no one will ever take us seriously. Photo [CC0] via Pxhere.](https://unclewalts.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/disneyland-not-closing-permanently-768x432.jpg)
Not a surprise. No one’s gone there for weeks. ANAHEIM, CA — The news that we all feared has come. Contrary to the ramblings of those know-nothing “(Step)Moms” yesterday, officials at the Uncle Walt’s Insider Company announced today that the Uncle Walt’s Insider will remain closed permanently. Although the reason has not been announced, we…