Even malfunctioning, it's still more coherent than the real thing.
WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- Disney Parks, Resorts & Spas officials have "taken advantage of a unique time in history," Uncle Walt's Insider has learned.
"We know that there have been a flurry of executive orders being signed by Biden," said our source, who wishes to remain anonymous. Disney (no relation) continued, "And we have a Biden animatronic in the Hall of Presidents, and a resort in California that's been shut down for ...
It's 100% effective at stopping the virus, and can be made with common household materials.
COLLEGE STATION, TX -- This may be the break Disneyland officials have been waiting for! Researchers at the Texas A&M University Department of Biotechnology and Concrete Husbandry have announced a new masking solution that is 100% effective at preventing the spread of Covid-19.
"It's so simple, we don't know why we didn't think of it before," says A&M (the college) spokesperson Jun Aggie (no relation). "We've been using ...
It's being temporarily renamed "Pirate's Covid at Tom Sawyer Island"
ANAHEIM, CA -- Stymied in their efforts to open their theme parks, Disney has joined the fight against Covid-19.
The Disney Company announced today that Tom Sawyer Island at the Disneyland Park will become a Covid-19 ward. Disney has already outfitted the island with the necessary medical equipment and trained Cast Members to handle Covid-19 patients.
They won't put patients in Dead Man's Grotto, will they?
A temporary bridge is being constructed to get ...
The logo changes are so subtle. Can you spot them?
ANAHEIM, CA -- Disney's recent attempt to re-open Disneyland as an autonomous zone has failed, Uncle Walt's Insider can now report. Governor Gavin Newsom (D) quickly saw that the change was making his subjects freer and happier without authorization by his regime, so he quickly had his foot soldiers shut down the parks.
In what we are sure is a complete coincidence, Disney has unveiled a new logo for the Disneyland Resort. ...
Throw a few barricades and hand-painted signs in front of the security checkpoints, and they're good to go!
ANAHEIM, CA -- Borrowing an idea from Seattle protestors, today the Disney Company declared the Disneyland Resort an "autonomous zone" and opened the parks. The move comes in defiance of a ban by California Governor Gavin Newsom (D).
Disney CEO Bob "Robert" Chapek tells Uncle Walt's Insider, "I don't know why we hadn't thought of this before. I mean, the Florida properties have had their own ...