The Uncle Walt’s Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.]
“Dear (Step) Moms: Okay, so I’m cooped up in the house with my kids while they are home from school for this extended time, and we’ve had to postpone our Walt Disney World trip. What should we do to keep from going crazy?” – Adela B., Grand Rapids MI
Marty:
What’s keeping you at home? Get out, go to a movie maybe? Go visit sick people in a hospital? Or attend a big political rally? Those are always fun and educational.
Or you can always organize a neighborhood party, where you can gather all generations — kids, parents, seniors, people with respiratory ailments and compromised immune systems — and have one big party! The more the merrier.
Walt:
Hi Edna, thanks for asking.
Might I recommend reading through all of the Uncle Walt’s Insider articles. It’s great fun!
Ub:
Hello Adele, and thank you for writing to the Official (Step) Moms.
I suggest lots and lots of [REDACTED] with your spouse. Don’t worry, if you tell the kids that’s what you’re doing, they’ll be grossed out. They don’t want to see [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] or [REDACTED] [REDACTED], but it’s a great way to pass the time. It’s been proven that when you [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] you won’t be thinking about the fact that you’re not at a Disney park, unless you’re freaky like that. But totally – [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED], [REDACTED] the [REDACTED] [REDACTED] for [REDACTED] and [REDACTED].
I hope that helps!
Marty:
Scratch what I said earlier. That was bad advice. Apparently there’s some kind of bug going around? I don’t watch the news.
Now that I’m up to speed on all this, I say: shut your kids into separate rooms with a loaf of bread and some peanut butter, and avoid all contact with them and anyone else until this blows over.
X:
Crazy, but that’s how it goes
Millions of people living as foes
Maybe it’s not too late
To learn how to love and forget how to hate
Mental wounds not healing
Life’s a bitter shame
I’m going off the rails on a crazy train
Marty:
Very deep, X. You should send that in to the Reader’s Digest. They’ve got a page for people like you.
Baby Yoda:
Harriet:
Just don’t stay home. There are too many people there without you.
Walt:
Also, I’m at Walt Disney World.
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