(Step)Moms Panel: Handling peanut allergies at Knott's Peanuts Celebration |

(Step)Moms Panel: Handling peanut allergies at Knott’s Peanuts Celebration

UWI Step Moms Panel

The Uncle Walt’s Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.]

“Dear (Step) Moms: I’m thinking of taking my family to Knott’s Berry Farm for the Peanuts Celebration. The problem is, my youngest, Juan Carlo, has a severe peanut allergy. Is it safe to take him?” – Stephanie W., Kingman AZ

Walt:

Hi Alex, thanks for asking.

I understand that crowds have been crazy, and as a first-timer, it can be intimidating. I would strongly consider visiting Disneyland first, specifically Disneyland Hong Kong or Disneyland Shanghai. They are currently experiencing record low visitors, so it would be a great time to learn the ins and outs of Disney, without the added stress of crowds. Enjoy your magical vacation!

Harriet: 

Just don’t go to Tokyo DisneySea. There are already enough people there without you.

X:

Guys! (And Harriet!) Stephen King wrote to us!

Anyways, to answer your question, Charles Schulz is an amazing cartoonist, and very underrated. How many other cartoonists use Zambonis in their artwork? None! How many other cartoonists have a main character that plays hockey on a bird bath? None! You owe it to yourself to go.

Besides, whoever heard of being allergic to a cartoon?

Baby Yoda:

Marty:

Steve, I’m pretty sure peanut allergies don’t exist. They’re just part of a plot to make Southwest Airlines serve me pretzels.

Anyway, I say take your kid. Live a little. Just tell him, like my dad told me, that death awaits around every corner, and there’s nothing you or anyone else can do to protect him from its painful, icy grip. Have fun!

Ub:

Hi Stacie! You bring back so many memories. That was my first girlfriend’s name. Ha!

When I say girlfriend, I mean my first crush. And I was awkward enough about it that she had to know, though she never requited.
If you have a problem with peanuts, might I offer a heteroclite?

And might I also say I care more about your little hoodlum Horatio than does my peer, that ham, Marty?

Still Ub:

In downtown North Plains, Oregon, the Elephant Garlic Festival entices hoards from around the world, or at least the Hillsboro, Oregon area, for a heavenly celebration of highly-prized elephant garlic. One moment while I inhale the final bite of what I managed to haul home from my holiday at the festival.

Now, then. Where was I? Ha, yes.

Here, the humans hassle and haggle as they put their heads together and whoop it up for the horticulture of this honored herb and its harvest. In some celebrations, some honorees who triumph are known to celebrate with hymns and hugs.

At hand in this hunketing – I mean junketing, is held an ostentatious hostility, where the hoi polloi herd around the heaps of heavenly garlic, and after a fierce foray, the event’s figurehead, Halitosis Hal, makes an appearance and honors the event’s hero, who most certainly never halted their handiwork to lay hold of the honors.

Ubbbbbb:

I recently polished off the hindmost of my handout from the 2019 Elephant Garlic Festival, and it harked back to my top-hole heyday during my holiday in North Plains, Hillsboro, and Helvitia, Oregon. I also enjoyed my time in Hazeldale, and across town in Happy Valley where there is a household of my family.

I happily happen to hand out my helpful advice with the hopes that it never hinders you.

I have to hustle. As I’ve dictated this, Walt seems disturbed to the point of hurt, and he may be heading this way to harass me.

Ub is finally done?

Hooray.

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