UWI Guide to Avoiding Coronavirus in Disney Parks

Pfft. Like any of us would stay home from Disney.

UNCLE WALT’S INSIDER H.Q., SVALBARD — From our frigid island home in the North Sea [Seriously, Walt, let us turn up the heat in the office!], we’ve been monitoring the health crisis sweeping the globe. And we know that nothing will stop rabid Disney fans from getting their park fix (though closing the Shanghai and Hong Kong parks have slowed a few people down).

Because of that, we’ve assembled a few tips on how you can keep you and your family safe from COVID-19 while in the domain of the Mouse.

NOTE: None of us are doctors, although one of us did read the entire instruction insert in a first aid kit we got off of Amazon.com.

General cleanliness

Wash your hands continuously. Seriously, carry around a bar of soap and a jug of water.
Wash the hands of anyone who comes within five feet of you.
Spray Lysol or other disinfectant on your family at least every ten minutes.
If you have sneezed or coughed with the past 30 days, shout “Unclean! Unclean!” as you walk.

Image by Richard Tennant Cooper (1885-1957); [CC-BY-4.0] via Wikimedia.

Characters

Avoid Mulan. She’s from China, and her name rhymes with Wuhan? This is a no-brainer.

Photo by Loren Javier [CC BY-ND 2.0] via Flickr.
Stay at least 25 feet from Piglet. This is not strictly coronavirus-related, but we think he’s a carrier for swine flu.

Photo by Sam Lavy [CC BY-SA 2.0] via Flickr.
Do not lick Gaston. No telling where he’s been. (The other characters should be okay to lick.)

Photo by Candace Lindemann [CC BY 2.0] via Flickr.

Miscellaneous

Do not eat at the ABC Commissary. This is good advice even without a pandemic.

Photo by Michael Gray [CC-BY-SA-2.0] via Wikimedia.
Bring your own tongs to any buffet.
Refuse to leave the park at the end of the day. The rest of the world is a scary place right now. Just claim you’re “self-quarantining” inside the park.