Disney’s hyperexpensive hyperspace hotel shuts down! Who could have seen that coming? WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL – It was a bold vision, even for Disney: create a Star Wars multiday experience so real, so immersive, that nerds worldwide would empty their bank accounts, drain their 401K’s, and decide their kids didn’t really need to go…
Thankfully, no one on the terrorist watchlist has been apprehended. Yet. WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL — Officials at Walt Disney World’s E.P.C.O.T. Center are reporting a significant increase in the number of people crossing between the park’s Mexico and Norway pavilions. The increase comes just after Title 42 border crossing restrictions expired last week. “We’re…
The “true guardians of the Magic Kingdom” await revolution in Florida. HAVANA, CUBA — Just when we thought Disney news couldn’t get any stranger… it has been revealed that the former Reedy Creek Improvement District board, which governed the Walt Disney World Resort in Florida for over four decades, has established a “government in exile” in…
Are they conceding defeat, or punishing DeSantis??? LAKE BUENA VISTA, FL — In a surprise move in the ongoing battle between the State of Florida and the Disney Company, Walt Disney World has shut its doors – apparently for good! The four theme parks and two water parks did not open today. Guests staying at…
![Wait, who was taking this picture? Photo by U.S. Indo-Pacific Command [CC BY-NC-ND 2.0] via Flickr; inset photo by Kjersti Holmang [CC BY-SA 4.0] via Wikipedia.](https://unclewalts.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/disney-nuclear-missile-launch-biden-animatronic-768x403.jpg)
We told you not to bring nuclear launch codes to the Magic Kingdom! USS TENNESSEE, ATLANTIC OCEAN– In a shocking turn of events, a nuclear missile was accidentally launched from the USS Tennessee in the Atlantic Ocean yesterday. The apparent culprit? None other than the Joe Biden audio-animatronic at Walt Disney World’s Hall of Presidents. The…