Wait, what did they put on Main Street USA???
WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- In stunning news, exclusive to Uncle Walt's Insider [Ed.: Actually, most of the articles we make up are exclusive to us], Walt Disney World has shut down entirely due to an outbreak of monkeypox.
Details are sketchy at the moment, so instead of making stuff up like we usually do, we reached out to our favorite Disney spokesperson.
Our favorite Disney spokesperson
Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation) was ...
They probably shouldn't build it next to the Russia Pavilion.
WORLD SHOWCASE LAGOON, FL -- Bob "Bob" Chapek has announced that he intends to bring a new country to EPCOT: Ukraine! Chapek probably said this in a phone call with our own Uncle Walt.
"As I was counting money with the news playing in the background, I suddenly had this great and innovative idea come to mind. I phoned up the boys in Glendale, and after a quick discussion we have decided ...
To be fair, it might have been in bad taste for Disney to run the ad.
MOSCOW -- Sources say that a dejected Vladimir Putin has canceled his planned "I'm going to Disney World" commercial.
"It was going to be epic," our source reported Putin saying (but in Russian). "We invade Ukraine, and Kyiv falls the same day. And as our army takes control, a voice says, 'Hey, Vlad, you just conquered a neighboring country! What are you going to do next?'
"Then, after ...
Nothing left in your bank account after a trip to see Mickey? How odd!
WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- Visitors to EPCOT Centre's Canada Pavilion have reportedly had their assets seized and their bank accounts frozen.
"I just walked through the place," says guest Hugh Schwartz of Passaic, NJ. "Given what's happening north of the border, I was a little reluctant to visit the Canada Pavilion. But my family and I just squeezed past the trucks that were there. We were careful not ...
"Like the real Canada, but slightly less polite."
WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- The self-proclaimed Canadian Freedom Convoy isn't over. It's just moved south.
"We got the idea from our wonderful dictator, I mean, Prime Minister," said trucker Léonel Legrand of Montreal. "We learned from reliable sources that he was hiding here when we were in Ottawa. So after we got the boot from there, we came down here.
"After all, the Canada Pavilion at Epcot is just like home. Just slightly less polite, ...