Disney's hyperexpensive hyperspace hotel shuts down! Who could have seen that coming?
WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL - It was a bold vision, even for Disney: create a Star Wars multiday experience so real, so immersive, that nerds worldwide would empty their bank accounts, drain their 401K's, and decide their kids didn't really need to go to college after all. It was Disney's Star Wars: Galactic Starcruiser, a landlocked Florida hotel themed as an instellar cruise ship, complete with cruise ship prices.
And just ...
Thankfully, no one on the terrorist watchlist has been apprehended. Yet.
WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- Officials at Walt Disney World's E.P.C.O.T. Center are reporting a significant increase in the number of people crossing between the park's Mexico and Norway pavilions. The increase comes just after Title 42 border crossing restrictions expired last week.
"We're fairly sure Title 42 is to blame," says Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation). "Or it could just be that summer is near and schools are ...
No more Mexico Pavilion! Does Colombia have churros?
WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- The "Gran Fiesta Tour starring the Three Caballeros," a/k/a the Mexico boat ride with Donald Duck and those two other birds, is no more. And neither is Epcot's Mexico Pavilion.
We've known that a change was coming, since we figured Disney would want to freshen up the ride with a more recent I.P. than ¡Saludos Amigos! We of course predicted a Guardians of the Galaxy overlay, but then they built ...
Wait, what did they put on Main Street USA???
WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- In stunning news, exclusive to Uncle Walt's Insider [Ed.: Actually, most of the articles we make up are exclusive to us], Walt Disney World has shut down entirely due to an outbreak of monkeypox.
Details are sketchy at the moment, so instead of making stuff up like we usually do, we reached out to our favorite Disney spokesperson.
Our favorite Disney spokesperson
Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation) was ...
They probably shouldn't build it next to the Russia Pavilion.
WORLD SHOWCASE LAGOON, FL -- Bob "Bob" Chapek has announced that he intends to bring a new country to EPCOT: Ukraine! Chapek probably said this in a phone call with our own Uncle Walt.
"As I was counting money with the news playing in the background, I suddenly had this great and innovative idea come to mind. I phoned up the boys in Glendale, and after a quick discussion we have decided ...