Here is a personal story:
I was raised by a semi rascist. I say that because my dad worked for the City of Berkeley Corporation Yard where they fixed all the police cars, fire trucks, ambulances, etc...etc...
My dad worked with men of many races, Black, Puerto Rican, Chinese...He was always friends with each INDIVIDUAL person, but when it came to the race as a group he did refer to them with less than nice words. I grew up in that environment. When I was young, I used those words as well. It changed when I could think for myself and wondered why my parents felt that way.
You should have seen my parents faces the first time they found out I was dating a black man.
My friend who was living in our home at the time,(she moved out from Iowa to find work in Nor Cal) was also dating a black man. My parents FORBID her or me to bring them to the house.
They were born in 1922 and LEARNED from society the way they were SUPPOSED to think. They had no such thing as enlightenment or Civil Rights back then, when they were growing up.
I can forgive them their beliefs because they only knew that their entire lives! They have relaxed their views a LOT now. The world changed and they changed with it. Not 100%, because of you believe something from 1922 until the 1960's, when change was fomented in our society, it is not so easy to change your whole way of seeing the world. In some cases. there were people who felt these new ideas were FORCED on them by society. (I am condoning this, just relating what some folks felt when civil rights where passed.)
I find my mind still thinking these awful words if someone from that particular race has done something (such as a Black, Hispanic or Asian and even white person who has done something wrong and I hear it on the news. I am sorry to think those words that still pop into my mind. I force them away and talk to myself and try to remember that it came from years of hearing it.
I KNOW that all people are created equally and I am not a racist. I cannot seem to stop that inner flow of words that immediately pop when I see something. I also think of the word *White Trash* when I see a story on the news about whites doing something bad as well as all the choice words I learned very young about other races. I am not particular about my judgements when it comes to races. If I am angry at someone then the derogatory word for that race pops into my head. I NEVER say it out loud.
I apologize if this offends anyone here. I do not know how to change it. I certainly do not have hate in my heart for ANY race and have friends all over the world from many different countries and races.
My dad fought in WWII and there are many, many elderly white Americans that fought in that war that still have that feeling of unease with Asian, primarily Japanese people.
I have always loved the Japanese culture and would love to visit Japan. It is a beautiful country and of course they have DisneySea, the crown jewel of the Disney parks! ;) I have many Disney friends in Japan and hope to meet them and enjoy the country with them when we do go.
It dawns on me that this is one of the races my father hated the most, because of the war he was actually invoved in. My Uncle was in the Pacific Theatre and the whole family worried about him. And the fact that the Japanese actually attacked this country brought aLOT of anger to many Americans at that time. We cannot know what they felt, since we were not there. I can only imagine what the country felt as they saw another race of people bombing our country and it angered them. I know many elderly people who STILL feel this way and cannot stop the feelings when they come up. They cannot understand how we could be so forgiving after what "they" did. I was not born yet and so do not understand that hatred.
I wish I did not think those words when I see something on the news or am told of a situation, but years of conditioning does not stop that. I never feel that way about a group as a whole. It is usually in the case of a news story or a story I hear from someone. Interesting that it is opposite from my father.
The interesting thing is that it is probably more appropriate to be angry at an individual that has done something than a group, not that it is appropriate to use the terms to describe them. I never verbalize it and I am horrified that I still think it.
This is something very personal I just shared and I am not sure how to change that inner voice learned so long ago. I want to. I have never spoken of this with my parents or friends, because I am afraid they would not understand. I am not racist at all. But those words stick in my mind and I cannot seem to get rid of them. How do I go about banishing those words from my mind once and for all?
Susi
