Nights of Felons AKA Nights of Joy.

[BRWombat]

Everyone should read "Lamb" just for the explanation of why we associate rabbits with Easter. Awesome!
Catholic joke:
Three priests were complaining about bats in their belfrys and comparing humane ways to get rid of them.
First Priest: "Well, I had a company trap them and release them 30 miles away. Problem is, by the next night, they were back!"
Second Priest: "That's nothing, I trapped all my bats by hand, drove 50 miles away to release them and they were all back by the end of the week!"
Third Priest: "We only have bats two days a year, so they don't bother me."
First Priest: "How is that possible!?"
Third Priest: "I just baptized and confirmed them, and now I only see them at Christmas and Easter."

My variation on this is that I tell people I exercise religiously. Every Christmas and Easter. :D:

Heard the one about the guy hired to repaint a church's steeple? He thought he'd increase his profits by watering down the paint. Just as he was putting on the finishing touches, a bolt of lightning knocked him off the roof, and a sudden rainstorm washed off all of the thinned-out paint. And he heard a booming voice from the sky say, ...


...


(Wait for it...)


...


"Thinner, repaint! And go and thin no more!!!" :D:

[hobie16]

"Thinner, repaint! And go and thin no more!!!" :D:

Does this have anything to do with the dyslexic devil worshipper who sold his soul to Santa?

[Big Wallaby]

You have to love when things get missed in church bulletins. Since there are so many churches, it's bound to happen somewhere, at least once a week.

[font=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.[/font][font=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.[/font][font=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an Ice Cream Social. All ladies giving milk please come early.[/font][font=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.[/font][font=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]Thursday at 5 p.m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers will please meet with the minister in the study.[/font][font=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.[/font][font=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]The music for today's service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.[/font][font=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.[/font][font=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.[/font][font=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.[/font][font=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.[/font][font=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale, It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.[/font][font=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

[font=Verdana]While I've never been in church and read any of these in the bulletin, I have seen a few doozies. Of course, I can't remember what it was, but it was great![/font]
[/font]

[gurgi]

[font=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica][font=Verdana]While I've never been in church and read any of these in the bulletin, I have seen a few doozies. Of course, I can't remember what it was, but it was great![/font][/font]

Big Wal,
This one's for you.
http://crummychurchsigns.blogspot.com/

[BRWombat]

Big Wal,
This one's for you.
http://crummychurchsigns.blogspot.com/

I've always liked the one about "Those attending Tuesday's Weight Watcher's meeting, please use the double doors at the rear of the building." :D:

[Big Wallaby]

And again, I misspoke. I said I have never been in church, but that's not what I meant. I have plenty of pastors who can attest to my being there (and often the roof caving in because I overloaded the ceiling with lights).

[Kwahati]

This thread has had me laughing so hard... I'm lucky it's a friday so nobody expected any work out of me!

And none of you who have read the crummy church signs website are allowed to judge the size of the tool in my hand! (I'm working on a laptop...little screws!)

[BRWombat]

This thread has had me laughing so hard... I'm lucky it's a friday so nobody expected any work out of me!

And none of you who have read the crummy church signs website are allowed to judge the size of the tool in my hand! (I'm working on a laptop...little screws!)

That particular sign had me going !!! I love it when our (Christians') naivety leads to unintentional humor.

True story: About 15 years ago, in the early days of the web, my church at the time was starting some new Wednesday evening gathering, and they gave it a web-address-sounding name (gotta be trendy, you know). Don't even remember the details, but the "www" in the name stood for "wild Wednesday worship" or something like that. The day before the big publicity was set to roll out for this new event, I got to wondering if anyone had bothered to see if the name they'd picked was an actual website.

They hadn't checked. So I did.

There was an actual site with the name... a porn site, of course!!!

I quickly made some calls and the promo materials were pulled, just in the nick of time!!!

[gurgi]

I've always liked the one about "Those attending Tuesday's Weight Watcher's meeting, please use the double doors at the rear of the building." :D:

hahah nice. i am also partial to

god is waiting
for you to call him
barbeque
sat may 26.

[SirWillow]

Jumping in way late and after laughing at all of the jokes on the thread...

As a Christian and a youth pastor, as well as a CM, these kinds of special events are a never ending source of frustration for me. As a pastor friend of mine says, I see this and the "spirit of slap" comes all over me. :)

yeah, a lot of these kids that go aren't Christian- they're there for the cheap tickets into Disney, at night, without their parents or other supervision. The churches take them as part of the aforementioned "outreach" hoping they'll change their lives because they happen to hear a song. then once they're in the park basically let them run off on their own to do whatever.

I'd say it's fair to say that less than half of the people who actually attend this are really attempting to live a Christian lifestyle.

I especially get ticked off when I see the leaders, pastors, and other adults basically let the kids run off completely unsupervised. I know what i would have done when I was that age if I had no supervision. Is it any wonder they do?

When I bring in a group to these I have to know every kid really well. Sorry, no visitors, guests, or new people. I've got to know them and know they aren't going to get in trouble. Had a couple of them ticked at me this year because I wouldn't let them go, but I couldn't trust them to behave so they didn't go. And every kid has to be with at least one adult the whole time. means they're in groups of 3 to 6 usually, one of which is an adult. But that way I don't have to worry about any of mine being the ones talked about on a thread like this.

It's really to bad too, because it gives such a wrong view of what being a Christian is. But then, sadly, so do a whole heck of a lot of people in the church.