Men's Age as Determined by a Trip to Home Depot
You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house - mowing the lawn, putting in a new fence, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit - shorts with the hole in the crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes.
Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Home Depot to get something to help complete the job.
Depending on your age you might do the following:
In your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. And you went to school with the pretty girl running the register.
In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.
In your 40's:
Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Home Depot. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.
In your 50's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dog doo-doo in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The Cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's Bait & Beer Bar and it says, 'I Got Worms .'
In your 60's:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog doo-doo off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.
In your 70's:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Home Depot until the drug store has your prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dog doo-doo on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.
In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember you needed to go to Home Depot. Go to Wal-Mart instead and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name. You went to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.
In your 90's & beyond:
What's a home deep hoe? Something for my garden? Where am I? Who am I? Why am I reading this? Did I send it? Did you? Who farted?
How Old Are You?
Forum rules
At the old Disney Hyperion Studio, the screening room where animators would show animated scenes to Walt for his approval was small, with no ventilation or AC. Not only was it hot, but the animators were nervously awaiting Walt's reaction to their work. Thus, the room became known as the Sweatbox. Even after the Studio moved to Burbank and elegant screening rooms were offered to the staff, the moniker remained.
Now SGT has a sweatbox of our own. This is the place to find and post all entertaining topics such as video links, jokes, games, and the like. A general rule of thumb is that if the thread is meant to be informative (interesting news stories for example), or a topic for discussion (like setting up a park meet) then it should go in the Break Room, but if the intent is to entertain the masses then it's home is The Sweatbox. I'm sure there will be grey areas at times, so if you have doubt as to where a new thread should go, just use your best judgement and the SGT Staff will be glad to move it later if you guessed wrong.
At the old Disney Hyperion Studio, the screening room where animators would show animated scenes to Walt for his approval was small, with no ventilation or AC. Not only was it hot, but the animators were nervously awaiting Walt's reaction to their work. Thus, the room became known as the Sweatbox. Even after the Studio moved to Burbank and elegant screening rooms were offered to the staff, the moniker remained.
Now SGT has a sweatbox of our own. This is the place to find and post all entertaining topics such as video links, jokes, games, and the like. A general rule of thumb is that if the thread is meant to be informative (interesting news stories for example), or a topic for discussion (like setting up a park meet) then it should go in the Break Room, but if the intent is to entertain the masses then it's home is The Sweatbox. I'm sure there will be grey areas at times, so if you have doubt as to where a new thread should go, just use your best judgement and the SGT Staff will be glad to move it later if you guessed wrong.
-
hobie16
- Permanent Fixture
- Posts: 10546
- Joined: Fri Nov 05, 2004 4:45 pm
- Park: DLR
- Department: Fruity Drink Land
- Position: Mai Tai Face Plant
- Location: 717 Miles NNW Of DLR
How Old Are You?
Don't be fooled by appearances. In Hawaii, some of the most powerful people look like bums and stuntmen.
--- Matt King
Stay low and run in a zigzag pattern.
-
darph nader
- Permanent Fixture
- Posts: 4844
- Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2006 9:16 pm
Re: How Old Are You?
Well,,,,,,,,,,,I don't have a sports car and my, "I've Got Worms" hat is at the bottom of the lake. :(
Beer....The reason I get up every,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,afternoon.
-
Mayonnaise
- Practically Lives Here
- Posts: 1011
- Joined: Tue Mar 18, 2008 10:15 am
- Location: The REAL Saratoga Springs
- Contact:
Re: How Old Are You?
Odd... all the guys in their 20's I know just put down the power tools and go as is. They don't have time to dress for the Depot, they gotta get another half a dozen two by, four sheets of luon, and six gallons of paint, and they still got to borrow a truck, and find the Master Carpenter... he's got the Depot Card. Then lights wants to know, can he bring them back a couple of cheeseboroughs, but we're pretty sure they don't have those at the Depot, well put it on the list just in case, and wait they already ordered the Pizza? Can the girls in Costumes please make sure to hold a Pizza for the people on the Depot Run? Thanks...
8^P
8^P
Re: How Old Are You?
ROFL at 40's and up descriptions. :hysteria:
I feel dirty for saying the word "spicy." Oh man. 80's and 90's are the funniest though.
I feel dirty for saying the word "spicy." Oh man. 80's and 90's are the funniest though.
RIP Bud Hurlbut.
You will be missed.
You will be missed.
-
DragonFox98
- Seasoned Pro
- Posts: 655
- Joined: Mon Feb 19, 2007 1:00 pm
Re: How Old Are You?
HEY!!! I'm offended! :D:
When the in-her-30s female is working on something, SHE goes into the house, glances in the mirror to make sure her hair isn't TOO frizzy and then goes as is to the Home Depot....even with the stained, ripped shirt and shorts that have dirt all over the tush. She'll dust off her bum before she gets into the truck, just to make sure she doesn't sit on dirt when she has to go into work on Monday.
When the in-her-30s female is working on something, SHE goes into the house, glances in the mirror to make sure her hair isn't TOO frizzy and then goes as is to the Home Depot....even with the stained, ripped shirt and shorts that have dirt all over the tush. She'll dust off her bum before she gets into the truck, just to make sure she doesn't sit on dirt when she has to go into work on Monday.
-
hobie16
- Permanent Fixture
- Posts: 10546
- Joined: Fri Nov 05, 2004 4:45 pm
- Park: DLR
- Department: Fruity Drink Land
- Position: Mai Tai Face Plant
- Location: 717 Miles NNW Of DLR
Re: How Old Are You?
I think I'm in love. :D:DragonFox98 wrote:When the in-her-30s female is working on something, SHE goes into the house, glances in the mirror to make sure her hair isn't TOO frizzy and then goes as is to the Home Depot....even with the stained, ripped shirt and shorts that have dirt all over the tush. She'll dust off her bum before she gets into the truck, just to make sure she doesn't sit on dirt when she has to go into work on Monday.
Don't be fooled by appearances. In Hawaii, some of the most powerful people look like bums and stuntmen.
--- Matt King
Stay low and run in a zigzag pattern.
-
DisneyMom
- Permanent Fixture
- Posts: 5002
- Joined: Sat Mar 10, 2007 7:14 pm
- Park: DLR Guest
- Department: Churro Inspection
- Position: In Line for POTC
Re: How Old Are You?
yup, everyman's Fantasy....A Woman with Power Tools!hobie16 wrote:I think I'm in love. :D:
....and a Beer
:flybongo: NO BULL!!!!!:D:
-
darph nader
- Permanent Fixture
- Posts: 4844
- Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2006 9:16 pm
Re: How Old Are You?
Don't forget the sandwich. ;)DisneyMom wrote:yup, everyman's Fantasy....A Woman with Power Tools!
....and a Beer
Beer....The reason I get up every,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,afternoon.
-
DragonFox98
- Seasoned Pro
- Posts: 655
- Joined: Mon Feb 19, 2007 1:00 pm
Re: How Old Are You?
LOL Oh, you guys are too much! :D: But seriously, my hubby is NOT ALLOWED to touch my tools. I just put together a basketball system for my son this past weekend (think basketball hoop attached to the poles attached to the sand that you add 300 (yes, 300) pounds to). It was a bitch and a half, but I got it done with sweat pouring into my eyes (we were in the middle of a heatwave with humidity).
I've also installed my dishwasher recently (can'y count the washer and dryer...they're basically plug in and go) which involved going into my crawlspace to deal with the water hook-up. Next up: changing my attached garage into a master suite. It will take awhile, but I'll get it done.
And no beer (sorry, darph & ktulu, can't stand the taste), but I'll take a strawberry Smirnoff or Mike's Hard Lemonade!
(I grew up in my father and grandfather's shadow and have "inherited" all their toys...my dad keeps getting bigger, better ones!)
I've also installed my dishwasher recently (can'y count the washer and dryer...they're basically plug in and go) which involved going into my crawlspace to deal with the water hook-up. Next up: changing my attached garage into a master suite. It will take awhile, but I'll get it done.
And no beer (sorry, darph & ktulu, can't stand the taste), but I'll take a strawberry Smirnoff or Mike's Hard Lemonade!
(I grew up in my father and grandfather's shadow and have "inherited" all their toys...my dad keeps getting bigger, better ones!)
-
ktulu
- Permanent Fixture
- Posts: 4150
- Joined: Tue Jan 09, 2007 1:01 pm
- Park: ktululand
- Department: Custodial
- Position: Janitor
- Location: Texas
- Contact:
Re: How Old Are You?
No worries, more for me!DragonFox98 wrote: And no beer (sorry, darph & ktulu, can't stand the taste), but I'll take a strawberry Smirnoff or Mike's Hard Lemonade!
"People can drink coke and pepsi, but they can't pee in the street."
812114
812114