Argh! Why do people get so defensive?!

[EeyoresButterfly]

I posted a question on another board and am a little frustrated at the way it is being read. I knew this might be a possibility given the nature, but I felt it was an important discussion to have.

I posted a question about considering the needs of one individual vs. the needs of many when it comes to accommodating disabilities, where should we draw the line? I asked the question because it keeps coming up in discussions there and elsewhere. In my class on Thursday we are talking about inclusion, and this is very pertinent to that discussion. I partially asked it out of frustration. As a general education teacher with a degree in special ed, I anticipate having many special ed kids in my class, and I know that this will come up. I tried asking a professor who used to be a special ed director how she addressed this issue when asked by parents, and she said she had not patience for them and then walked away. How does that help us educate parents of non-disabled kids about the values of inclusion? To me that just further reinforces the "us vs. them" mentality.

I specifically stated that I am for inclusion and have no desire to offend, but just wanted an honest, civil discussion. Why is that so hard? Why do people have to get so defensive? I actually had a poster tell me that it was sad that I was asking the question and tell me I should reconsider my career choice!

Argh! It was people asking un-pc questions that nobody wanted to talk about that got the civil rights movement started. It is hard discussions like this that have allowed us to come so far with disability rights. Do people think that bashing somebody will make the question go away or will give them a positive attitude toward parents of children with disabilities? Why do people expect buy-in from teachers on inclusion but dismiss questions as "offensive" and "sad" when they are meant with sincerity? I have had to clarify myself almost 5 times already. I just get frustrated that we can't seem to have a civil discussion in our society without people making their own decisions about somebody's bias or intent.

I guess I was raised too polite. I believe that it is possible to have a discussion about hard/controversial issues without it getting nasty. Maybe I am too optimistic? Okay, vent over. Thanks for "listening".

[GRUMPY PIRATE]

EB, I think the problem that you are running into, are the parents who have the entitlement issue well embedded in the outlook on ANYTHING that might affect their childs eduction.

I think that they believe that if you accommodate a special needs child by including them in the activity or classroom, that it somehow detracts from their "timmy or tammy" from getting a good value out of the class.

I would almost say its a precursor to becoming an SG!

just my opinion!

(also, remember all other boards don't REALLY count, only the SGT!!)

hehehehe

[joanna71985]

Can you PM me the link to the thread?

[EeyoresButterfly]

Will do Joanna. Actually, all the responses from to day have been *gasp* reasonable, so maybe it was just that at 3am people were too tired to be civil.

[Syndrome]

I think a lot of it is caused by the fact that a handful of people have learned that they can play the disability card in the same way that some people learned to play the race card. It's only a small minority, but they are the visible ones who are always out in front of the cameras demanding special treatment, which puts a sour taste in other people's mouths. Sadly, some of them seem to forget that there is a big difference between equal and superior and that demands for "superior" based on a certain type of status will only cause a backlash. Unfortunately, that means that the silent minority who only want equality will then suffer because the whiners poisoned the water.

[DisneyMom]

I think a lot of it is caused by the fact that a handful of people have learned that they can play the disability card in the same way that some people learned to play the race card. It's only a small minority, but they are the visible ones who are always out in front of the cameras demanding special treatment, which puts a sour taste in other people's mouths. Sadly, some of them seem to forget that there is a big difference between equal and superior and that demands for "superior" based on a certain type of status will only cause a backlash. Unfortunately, that means that the silent minority who only want equality will then suffer because the whiners poisoned the water.

Totally agree, Syndrome.....
Although my son DOES enjoy some special accomodations, we have to go through A LOT of obstacles to prove that he does require them- Why- because so many NOT requiring them would take advantage if the process were made easier. It is actually worse in some ways that he is higher-functioning and looks like everyone else-it makes people suspicious of his actual need.
Then there are the types who demand that EVERY possible action be performed for their child with special needs-but in the end, it will not "cure" their child or their child may not absorb even a minimal level of benefit. I haven't read EB's posts on that other forum, but I suspect this is the scenario she is presenting.
We have a very long way to go to find/enact the best practices for our kids with Special Needs

[NessaMcTastic]

Totally agree, Syndrome.....
Although my son DOES enjoy some special accomodations, we have to go through A LOT of obstacles to prove that he does require them- Why- because so many NOT requiring them would take advantage if the process were made easier. It is actually worse in some ways that he is higher-functioning and looks like everyone else-it makes people suspicious of his actual need.
Then there are the types who demand that EVERY possible action be performed for their child with special needs-but in the end, it will not "cure" their child or their child may not absorb even a minimal level of benefit. I haven't read EB's posts on that other forum, but I suspect this is the scenario she is presenting.
We have a very long way to go to find/enact the best practices for our kids with Special Needs

Argh that always bothered me! My roommate in college said she had "very mild dyslexia" and tried to get our college to accomodate her. Well it turned out that she just wanted the due dates for her papers extended. It also turned out she didn't have very mild anything! When that didn't work, she would tell our professors that her ulcer was acting up and that's why she couldn't do the homework.

I told one of our professors that I lived with her and no, she was not up all night throwing up. She was out with friends...I was the one up all night studying! After that none of the other professors would listen to any of the excuses she would give.

One of the great things about my college was the office they had for people with any kind of disability or imparement. My one friend who is dyslexic was able to get some of the novels for her English classes on tape paid for by that office (they would keep them to give to other students) which helped her tremendously.

I'm all for inclusion, when it's done right.

[felinefan]

In college, there were two special needs students, one deaf and the other blind. One of my professors was in a wheelchair, with an assistance dog. The deaf boy had a state employed sign language interpreter (interestingly, the interpreter had cerebral palsy), the blind boy had a special laptop. He used a cane, not a dog. Everything went well. In fact, the blind guy graduated at the top of his class and was class valedictorian!

Sadly, there are, I think, some people who would rather that all handicapped people were shut up in attics or institutions, like back in the bad old days.

I don't mean to offend any blondes, but when I was in college, in one of my classes I got to the first class meeting too late to get a seat in the front row, because as an "older " student I needed to be able to see from the front row. I asked my professor, and she said to talk to the student who had the front seat I needed. When I asked her, she said she had problems seeing too, even though she didn't wear glasses or anything and was young enough to be my daughter! She was blonde, cute, short and a total snob! I swear everytime I run across somebody who is either short (I'm 5'7"), blonde or cute, or any combination thereof, they seem to think they own the world! And I used to have a co-worker at Knott's who was the same way! Why do they do that?
In high school ther was a girl who fancied herself the great beauty, and she was a snob. I saw her currant picture in a reunion book for my high school, and now she looks like a worn-out old hag! Except for gaining 40 pounds and changes in my glasses prescription, plus a few lines and gray hairs,(and I dye my hair red), I haven't changed hardly at all from the way I looked in high school.

[hobie16]

seat I needed. When I asked her, she said she had problems seeing too, eveIn high school ther was a girl who fancied herself the great beauty, and she was a snob. I saw her currant picture in a reunion book for my high school, and now she looks like a worn-out old hag!

Time wounds all heels. :twisted:

[Cheshire Figment]

The post EB is referring to is in the disABILITIES Community Board, which is a subforum of disABILITIES in DisBoards.

I and the other moderator of that forum have both been watching it (as we do all threads in those two forums) and have not yet had to post anything asking people to play nice.

But it does get a lot of strong opinions but is clearly an open discussion.