Stubborn Parent Tricks

[February]

*sigh* Anyone else want to commisserate about dealing with parents who are only getting more stubborn as they get older?

I'm in a stand-off with my father at the moment. He needs to go to the doctor and he's refusing. We have told him to go time and again offered to make the appointment my husband offered to take the day off and drive him and go with him- at this point we've tried everything short of trying to physically drag him and he won't do it. I'd put him into the car and take him myself if I could still drive. His doctor is five minutes from their house so it's not even a distance issue and it's not a money issue he's well insured medically.

What do you do when your parents just won't listen to sense? :( My mother never has (She hasn't been to a doctor in 15 years). Dad I had hoped for a little more cooperation from.

My own BP starts climbing the more I try to convince him and he continues to fight me and I cannot afford that. What do you do when a nearly 70 year old is refusing to listen? (and he doesn't have dementia- he's just insistent) When do you just step back and let them be? Should I just leave him alone and mind my own business?

I just don't know what to do anymore.

Thanks for listening. Any experiences or success stories in such situations would be helpful to hear.

Bru

[ktulu]

Just show up with some brochures from some funeral homes and tell him you need him to pick out what he likes best. Maybe that will motivate him!

[Princess Susi]

A friend of mine had this exact same thing happen and he and his brother physically dragged their father into the car. The father would NOT go to the doctor and finally they physically put him in the car and drove him there and physically took him intoemergency and stayed with him so he could not leave. He ended up having to stay in the hospital for a long time and had exploratory surgery and they found his lungs riddled with mesthelioma. That is why he had been so sick. He did not last long and it was very sad. He was such a great guy and I adored him. :(

But it is imperative to get your father to the doctor if some of the strong males in your family have to physically put him in the car and make him go. Is he sick? Or does he just need to get a regular physical? MAKE HIM GO, and physically do it with someone who can drag him there.
I am serious.
Susi

[February]

Unfortunately, none of my siblings or their spouses will get involved.

It's me and my husband and I'm disabled (and Dad is a big guy)

He's got something going on with his lungs- terrible wheezing. He worked for years with some pretty strong chemicals and then only thing I can think at this point is that he knows what it is but doesn't want a diagnosis.

I just know that making myself sick over it isn't going to help anyone either. My child has no say in what goes on with the adults in her life- but I can't sacrifice her mother's health it's not fair to her.

I wish my siblings would DO SOMETHING None of them have any children to worry about either and nowhere near the health issues I have.

Okay, end of pity party. I don't even know why I started this thread! It's not like me to whine (well at least not about anything not SG related LOL)

I should see if I can delete it.

Bru

ah, well we can't delete our own threads on this board apparently, if any modding marsupials happen by- or birdies- could you gentlemen delete the thread for me? Thanks. . .

[Ms. Matterhorn]

Bru,
It's very sad but you cannot make an adult do something he doesn't want to do. You can reason with him but ultimately it is his choice. Do not feel guilty about it. Shame, shame on your siblings for not helping you, though.
You and your dad will be in my prayers.

[DisneyMom]

Unfortunately, none of my siblings or their spouses will get involved.

It's me and my husband and I'm disabled (and Dad is a big guy)

He's got something going on with his lungs- terrible wheezing. He worked for years with some pretty strong chemicals and then only thing I can think at this point is that he knows what it is but doesn't want a diagnosis.

I just know that making myself sick over it isn't going to help anyone either. My child has no say in what goes on with the adults in her life- but I can't sacrifice her mother's health it's not fair to her.

I wish my siblings would DO SOMETHING None of them have any children to worry about either and nowhere near the health issues I have.

Okay, end of pity party. I don't even know why I started this thread! It's not like me to whine (well at least not about anything not SG related LOL)

I should see if I can delete it.

Bru

ah, well we can't delete our own threads on this board apparently, if any modding marsupials happen by- or birdies- could you gentlemen delete the thread for me? Thanks. . .

My idea- through Medicare, his MD could send out a Home Health Nurse to evaluate your father physically, evaluate meds, potential safety issues, nutritional status, need for Physical therapy, occupational therapy,medical social worker. Maybe a team could convince him of his need if he won't go. The only glitch may be that there has been no MD visit in the last 6 months, but the MD may order it anyway.
OR, just tell him that THIS RN thinks he needs to go based on the fact that he is wheezing. Some simple meds/ breathing treatments that can be taken at home may assist him in his breathing, and prevent him from hypoxia and possible respiratory failure. There are many possibilities. One thing- even if you get him to the Doctor, he may refuse the treatment, but if you call the doctor, maybe he could call your father and gently convince him to come in (if the Dr. is that kind of person).

[Ms. Matterhorn]

My idea- through Medicare, his MD could send out a Home Health Nurse to evaluate your father physically, evaluate meds, potential safety issues, nutritional status, need for Physical therapy, occupational therapy,medical social worker. Maybe a team could convince him of his need if he won't go. The only glitch may be that there has been no MD visit in the last 6 months, but the MD may order it anyway.
OR, just tell him that THIS RN thinks he needs to go based on the fact that he is wheezing. Some simple meds/ breathing treatments that can be taken at home may assist him in his breathing, and prevent him from hypoxia and possible respiratory failure. There are many possibilities. One thing- even if you get him to the Doctor, he may refuse the treatment, but if you call the doctor, maybe he could call your father and gently convince him to come in (if the Dr. is that kind of person).

Good answer, DM, much more helpful than mine, I think.

[February]

Good answer, DM, much more helpful than mine, I think.

Both answers were definitely helpful- thanks ladies *sniff* I'm just having a day is all.

It's my mother that's the issue I really think he won't go because he doesnt' want her to yell at him about it. She doesn't like anything or anyone on the planet and so she doesn't think anything is ever a good idea.

When he got out of the hospital after a brain aneurysm almost seven years ago (god has it been that long?) we had to bring him home to my house because my mother insisted that she would refuse to let the visiting nurses in the house!!!

It's like dealing with children, honestly- and I'm just so worn down. My brother is in less of a position to be helpful than either of my sisters- long story there- but still they could at least try to talk to him themselves too.

Okay, i have one of those crying headaches. I think I'm going to try to catch a nap.

Thanks again everyone just for listening. You're all so kind.

hugs
Bru

[DisneyMom]

Both answers were definitely helpful- thanks ladies *sniff* I'm just having a day is all.

It's my mother that's the issue I really think he won't go because he doesnt' want her to yell at him about it. She doesn't like anything or anyone on the planet and so she doesn't think anything is ever a good idea.

When he got out of the hospital after a brain aneurysm almost seven years ago (god has it been that long?) we had to bring him home to my house because my mother insisted that she would refuse to let the visiting nurses in the house!!!

It's like dealing with children, honestly- and I'm just so worn down. My brother is in less of a position to be helpful than either of my sisters- long story there- but still they could at least try to talk to him themselves too.

Okay, i have one of those crying headaches. I think I'm going to try to catch a nap.

Thanks again everyone just for listening. You're all so kind.

hugs
Bru

Ok! Corner your mom in a room, feigning interest in something, while your husband hustles Dad off in a car......Say, oh, they must be going to the hardware store, we need some.....sprinkler heads.....

[Planner]

Ugh I am so sorry you are having to deal with this and know all to well the agony. My dad finally went for a colon screening a year ago after putting it off for years and what do you know they found cancer. Dad freaked out threw himself a pitty party and refused to do anything about it. I had to fly down to Daytona to drag him to surgery then stay with him to be sure he did what the doc said. Thank god they got it all during the surgery but hes not taken care of himself for years so his own jacked up asshattery has made recovery hard on him and the harder it is the more he goes out and eats the wrong things and parties too hard.

Sure dad keep eating at Hooters every night and wonder why you keep having pain in your gut where they cut you...could it be due to your GAINING weight? Hey dad how about that follow up? I'm the kid not the parent I don't want to parent you!

The short of it is our parents are not going to do anything they don't agree to no matter how hard we try or how much we beg. I like the idea of showing him caskets and saying OK pick one if you wont go to the doc then this is what we have to do. Talking about death freaked my dad out enough to do some stuff.

Best of luck