Help a brother out! -or- Where in the H@!! did everybody go?

[Kwahati]

I'm sitting here in a crappy windowless office in a crappy gub'ment building suffering through a retirement party for somebody I don't ever recall meeting. At least the cake is good and I signed the card "Best wishes to you and yours." which seems like a safe bet even though I've never met him or his. Basically, the point is: where are all you people? I'm relying on you to post so I can look busy and not have to admit I have no idea who this guy is! Please help me out! Post anything! I've never seen this board so quiet! HELP!!!

[glendalais]

Um..hi there....

So yea.....what kind of cake is it?

[Kwahati]

The old office standby that keeps everyone happy and pisses everybody off simultaneously: chocolate and white cake swirl. Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck in the movie Office Space. I'm just waiting for somebody to try to steal my stapler...

[TourMan]

its my stapler, if you take it ill burn the building down

[Cheshire Figment]

Several years ago I had a Division Chief leave the US Courts to go back to Treasury. I put what appeared to be a nice sentiment on the giant going-away card: "May the times in your new position be as interesting as your times here." Several people who I told it to basically asked if I knew what I had really said, my answer was "of course".

[GRUMPY PIRATE]

(Also gvmt worker) I started signing them "congrats, Just one more step toward the grave!" with people I HAD to work with. After some non-PC answers to their question, they finally stopped asking!!! (hehehehe)

[GRUMPY PIRATE]

The old office standby that keeps everyone happy and pisses everybody off simultaneously: chocolate and white cake swirl. Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck in the movie Office Space. I'm just waiting for somebody to try to steal my stapler...

Just tell people you have a meeting with the "Bob's", downtown. No one will ask, they dont want to know the answer!!!

[Kwahati]

Hey thanks Pirate and Figment. You both gave me and my roommates a laugh. Unfortunately, it was a little late to keep me entertained during the "party" The party ended up being interrupted by an ethics briefing about how it *might* not be legitimate for our bosses to be at the "party" with us as they would also indulge in food which was bought with funds solicited from lower ranking employees...a lawyer eventually had to be consulted to determine if the 2" by 2" slice of cake my boss was eating qualified as a "gift" and if anyone was coerced into donating a few bucks to the party fund... I don't know how it turned out because I went outside for a very long smoke break. I honestly think that any lawyer with a shred of dignity would have hit somebody for being bothered for something so stupid... Even BR Wombat (as nice a guy as he is) would have at least laughed and walked away. Stupid low ranking people who need to wreck everybody's "good time" by calling in the bureaucrats... :mad:

I love the ways you guys sign cards, though. I'm going to steal those...or at least use them as inspiration...if you don't mind. :D:

[GRUMPY PIRATE]

Hey, Use anything! That the old "pass it on" type of training I got!!
I'm curious though, which branch feels the need for a ethics ruling for a retirement party? And knowing the satistics, they are going to be busy, as about 25 percent of the gvmt workers will be hitting retirement age in the next three to five!! Are managers always chip in, but we don't really go crazy! Some guys that retire only go out to lunch with friends, then pull a Kaisar Sosae.

[Kwahati]

Some guys that retire only go out to lunch with friends, then pull a Kaisar Sosae.

Yeah, we had one guy try to do that last week. Not for retirement, but he was going to another job. He knew we always do a party for anybody who leaves, and he wanted out of it, so he showed up, did what he was going to do as far as passing his workload on to others and started heading for the door! One of our bosses saw him and at least made him stay so they could give him the gift we got him (a cheesy golf themed desk set) and then like that...poof...he was gone! ;)

I'm at the army corps of engineers HQ at the GAO bldg. It wasn't one of ours who did it though. Some stupid user heard about what we do, and decided to "blow the whistle" on us... It's all vindictive there. I recently worked on a computer for a woman who blew the whistle on a now very famous scandal (I don't think I'm allowed to identify her further for security reasons) and I was all happy about it. I'd do anything for somebody who's helping end gub'ment corruption. Until I found out why. Turns out somebody over at that office pissed her off and she wanted to get them in trouble. If it hadn't been for the vindictive nature of government employees, the nation might still be getting bilked out of hundreds of millions monthly (I'm sure they still are, just not from that source anymore!)