How to get through the Grief....

[Princess Susi]

Orion Supacat: January 1996-October 20, 2007

Today is a very sad day here...Yesterday we lost our beautiful 11 yr kittyboy to cancer at 12:20PM. :(
He had been doing well for weeks and we had an ultrasound done 3 weeks ago. The Vets said it did not look like the cancer had grown or spread. But this type of cancer is fast growing and as any cancer is, an insidious monster. He had Mastocytoma of the spleen and liver. It was diagnosed back in March and he was given 2-3 months to live. I prayed for more time and we were given it. Last week, we noticed he was not feeling as well and had a harder time finshing his food. By Thursday he was peeing on the floor. Friday was a rough day. He was drinking water and then peeing immediately after, meaning that the water was bypassing his kidneys altogether. He just hung his head over the water dish and would drink and then immediately go to the office and pee. I felt his spleen and palpated his liver. He was all organ, they had grown so large, they filled his belly. I then felt his kidneys and they were the size of eggs and my heart leaped into my throat...I knew...in my heart, I knew he was in kidney failure. It was just a matter of time and we needed to make him more comfortable before the vet could get to our house the next morning at the earliest. There was NO way I was going to have him die in an emergency room with vets he had never met, giving him the needle. It was about 8PM Friday and Ralphie rushed him to the vet, where they drained the fluid, about a liter from his abdomen, and gave us Buprenorphrine (fast acting pain med) for him.They also hydrated him with sub Q fluids (adminstered by putting a needle under the skin that is attached to a bag of fluids with electolytes and nutrients). We called the Vet that was to come to our home to euthannize him. We left a message we needed her to come ASAP on Saturday morning. I could not stop bawling and just holding him and smothering him with kisses. He knew, I think that he was very sick and needed to die. I just tried to tell him that we loved him so much and would be there always and not to forget us. I told him we would meet him on the Rainbow Bridge someday!
Yesterday morning he would not eat, I tried to give him some of his favorite treat in the world, cream. He licked at it a little and started to throw up. I was beside myself with grief. I KNEW that it was time. The Vet called us back at around 9AM, after I gave Orion more pain meds and she arrived at 10:30 and we took Orion outside for the last time for a walk in the sunshine. He loved watching the bees and butterflies and the wind blowing the leaves about. He enjoyed the air and the sunshine more than anything. He even scampered back to the door after our walk.

We laid with him on his favorite blanket and just hugged and loved him and he lay so quietly and purred...
At 11:50, the Vet adminstered the dose of life ending meds and we held him and kissed him and talked to him until the life in his body was gone. I know his spirit did not die with his sick body, but I am in so much pain right now. :(

I know he needed us to give him this one last act of love, it was time, he was ready. I don't think I was. I don't know that I ever would be. I miss him. I miss holding him and kissing his head. I missed him on the pillow this morning. I missed him coming in at 5AM and meowing loudly for breakfast! I am inconsolable today and I don't know what to do. I am crying my eyes out and cannot stop. He was my baby boy and he is gone and my arms are empty this morning. He was our child in every way. We had no human children, we did not need any nor want any, because our kittys have always ben our children and we have always been a family who had furry kids with whiskers and tails! :)

So I thought I would come here where my friends are and talk to you about it. I wanted to tell you what a wonderful being Orion was and how much love he filled our lives with. I wished you all could have met him. You would have fallen in love with the most loving kitty... The other cats are confused this morning. I think they are frightened. They were all taken to Orion after he passed, so they could sniff him and know that he was gone. I think they are afraid we may do it to them too. They are all hiding and there is no activity in the house this morning as usual with the kittys all fighting with each other. It is too quiet, though you don't know how many times I wished for the "damned cats to stop fighting at 5AM " ;) I wished this morning they would have been noisy and sliding around the hardwood floors racong their kiity relays.. :(

I may be away from the board for a few days. I just cannot stop crying and my heart hurts so much I just want to hold him one more time...

Thanks to you all for being friends and knowing what I am going through. We share a LOT of laughs here and those have gotten me through some rough spots in the last year with him being sick. It took my mind off his illness and the fact that we knew he would be leaving us sooner than later. You are all my angels and I thank you for that. I do love you all! I hope you know that!

My home email is [email protected] if you want to write me. I don't think I can come and post anything funny for a while.

It is snowing here today, like crazy and it is so cold. It is somehow appropriate that he had a last day of warm sunshine yesterday before the first snow of the season came. :)

I love my little Orion and I will miss him forever. No cat was ever like him, the way he would lay his head on my shoulder and put his front legs around my neck to hug me and then he would meow softly and purr like the little engine that could. And he was, just like that little engine, he lived 6 months longer than the vets predicted! He was and is in spirit one tuff little putty tat! :supercat:

Thanks
Susi =^.^=

[mechurchlady]

Sue during the darkness I find the dim far off lights of my friends a comfort. Please stay and heal with your firneds. When you are sad you can hug wallaby and wombat. When you are blue you can sit with me and Darph and talk about your cat.

I never got over the loss of my dog, it is hard. We all will be here for you.

hugs
Laurie

[DisneyMom]

Dear Susi,
I am so sorry for your loss. Unfair that you had to endure that, when he was such a good friend, but I know you made his life a good one. I think he stayed for so long because you treated him so well.
I think your other cats are probably very sensitive to the feeling in the house....I cannot tell you how many times I have seen the pets in the family react to a member's illness. One patient who I had to give an injection to 3x a week,his cat would jump on his lap just as I would get the injection ready,that cat was watching me like a hawk!
Hope you feel better soon, Susi and Ralph.

[hobie16]

It doesn’t matter if they’re animal or human; it’s always tough to lose a loved one. Your post reminded me of the only dog my family had when I was a kid. Vicky was the happiest being I’d ever seen in a thirty-five pound package. It may have been because we rescued her from the pound after someone else rejected her, but we really didn’t care. She loved to hang out with all the neighborhood kids, charm the little old ladies and chase rabbits in the fields behind our house.

When you feel good enough to return I’ll tell you about the problems I had in a math class when I was twelve years old. Deal?

[Purpura]

Dear Susislicker...

There is nothing I can say to make you feel better about your loss... I too have had to say goodbye to pets that passed as yours did, or of natural causes.

There is a grief that will never go, with their name on it that just stabs in the heart and you never stop thinking of them... I miss Cookie- the cat I had when I was a girl... My mom found her just outside mom's bedroom door and came to tell me with tears in her eyes...I still miss how she'd sit in my lap and purr...

I had years later to be there and say goodbye to guinea pig babies that had broken their legs due to the wrong kind of cage flooring... and were cremated...
I also said goodbye to a parakeet that died literally in my hands while we took it to the veterinarian's office... and one that I found in the cage we had kept the parakeets in...


I still miss them, though they say "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" All you can do is love and miss them...You can think they've just left their bodies behind, and are waiting for you at the rainbow bridge... I think my pets are there too... waiting for us to come...

Thank the deity you believe in(if you do believe) For Orion, and the friendship you had with him in his altogether too brief a time on earth... You may be sad for a long time, but just think of how happy he was to be with you- and forget the sad memories- I mostly blocked the sad ones but kept the happy memories- They're about all I can remember of my pets.


Hug Orion in your heart... and then get the other kitties some catnip toys... and play with them... they need to know you're not going to have them leave you either.

[Shorty82]

So sorry for your loss. I'm crying here, I know how hard it is to loss a loved one, be they human or the furry kind.

:hug:

[SorcererMickey]

Wow, I'm crying from reading your post. I understand how you feel about having your cats as "kids". Mine are all 11 years old also.

You did the right thing by giving all the love and affection you could. I know your friend is in kitty heaven with little wings right now.

[BRWombat]

Hugs from me , Sues. Please know we share your hurt and are here whenever you need to chat.

[ktulu]

*hugs*

all I can say is :(

[Syndrome]

Please know that prayers and comfort and best wishes are coming out from Celebration from me and my furry family members. I know firsthand what it's like to lose beloved kitties; it's such a heart breaker, but it's the price we pay for having them in our lives and the price is worth it when you think of all the love they give us in return. But of course that never makes it any easier when that time comes :(

Speaking as a counselor, let yourself grieve!! And don't listen if anyone tries to tell you "It was just an animal" or if they say "You should be over it by now." NO ONE can tell you how to grieve or how long to grieve. You've suffered a deep loss, so let yourself work through it. With my clients, I use a set of grieving steps that doesn't end with acceptance, but rather with empowerment...i.e. finding some way in which to honor the loss. That doesn't make it less painful, but it gives it some worth. For me, it was forcing myself to go to the shelter the day after we put one of our cats to sleep and to get a new one that day. I couldn't choose because I was still heartbroken, so Mr. Syndrome made the choice. As I type this, Stitch (the cat we adopted that day) is lying next to me. It was his last day at the shelter, so even though it shreds my heart that I had to put Muse (my old kitty) to sleep, one good thing did come of it.

The way you honor it is very personal, and you're most likey not near that point yet. But in the meantime, I will keep you in my prayers, and know that there are LOTS of people out here who understand!