for all who dwell in this forum to piss us off.

[tacoboy]

STANDARDIZED BONEHEAD REPLY FORM
(re-posted by tacoboy)
(posted by Sean Paswater)
(original by David Parsons)
(who stole it from George McQuary)
(who shamelessly appropriated the idea from Dave Sweeney)

I took exception to your recent ___ post to _________________________.
(newsgroup)
___ email

It was (check all that apply):

___ lame.
___ stupid.
___ boring.
___ obvious killfile fodder.
___ much longer than any worthwhile thought of which you may be capable.

Your attention is drawn to the fact that:

___ what you posted/said has been done before.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ Not only that, it was also done better the last time.
___ your post/mail was a pathetic imitation of _____________________.
(net.personality)
___ your post/mail originated on FidoNet.
___ your post/mail originated on Delphi.
___ your post/mail originated on AOL.
___ your post/mail was intended to be email/a post.
___ your post/mail originated on a BBS.
___ your post referred to the newsgroup as a Board, BBoard, BBS, or
Notesfile.
___ your post contained commercial advertising.
THE FINE FOR THIS IS $20. Please remit immediately to:
Usenet News
Network Security & Standards Patrol
2300 Davenport C-9
Knoxville, TN 37920-2165
or your posting privileges will be cancelled.
___ your post/letter contained numerous spelling errors.
___ your post/letter contained multiple grammatical errors.
___ YOUR POST CONTAINED EXCESSIVE CAPITALIZATION AND/OR PUNCTUATION!!!!!
___ you posted a "newgroup" message without Leader Kibo's permission.
___ you posted a "rmgroup" message without Bruce Becker's permission.
___ your post/letter was an obvious forgery.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ It was done clumsily.
___ you have a lame login name.
___ your machine has a stupid name.
___ your attempt at a middle name fell flat.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ Painfully.
___ you quoted an article/letter in followup and added no new text.
___ you quoted an article in followup and only added the line "Me, too!!!"
___ you quoted an article/letter in followup and only added ___ lines of
text.
___ you predicted the "Imminent Death of the Net[tm]".
(Mark only if above checked)
___ *Without* adding "<form of representation> at 11".
___ you asked for replies via email because you "don't read this group".
___ you flamed someone who has been around far longer than you.
___ you flamed someone who is far more intelligent and witty than you.
___ your lines are 80 columns wide or wider.
___ you failed to check the "Followups-To:" line.
___ you have no .sig .
___ your .sig is longer than four lines.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ And your newsreader truncated it.
___ your .sig is wider than 80 columns.
___ your .sig is tabdamaged.
___ your .sig is longer than your included text.
___ your .sig is longer than the entire rest of your post.
___ your .sig approacheth Kibo's in length.
___ your .sig is ridiculous because (check all that apply):
___ you listed ___ snail mail address(es).
(Mark only if above checked)
___ you listed a nine-digit ZIP code.
___ you listed ___ phone numbers for people to use in prank calls.
___ you included a stupid disclaimer.
(Mark only if above also)
___ your pathetic attempt at being witty in the disclaimer failed.
(Mark only if above also)
___ Miserably.
___ you included:
(Mark all that apply)
___ a stupid self-quote.
___ a stupid quote from a net.nobody.
___ a stupid quote from
(Mark all that apply)
___ Rush Limbaugh.
___ Dan Quayle.
___ a rock band member.
(Mark only if above also)
___ from Rush.
___ (one of) the United Stated Founding Father(s).
___ a reference to Beavis & Butthead.
___ lame ASCII fonts
___ lame ASCII graphic(s) (Choose all that apply):
___ USS Enterprise
___ Australia
___ The Amiga logo
___ Company logo
(Mark only if above also)
___ and you stated that you don't speak for your employer.
___ Bicycle
___ Bart Simpson
___ Sword
___ Dinosaur
___ Cat/Dog
(Mark only if above also)
___ plural
___ excessive misuse of punctuation marks, namely __________
___ excessive whitespace

Furthermore:

___ You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of ___________________
(newsgroup)
___ You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of the net.
___ You are a loser.
___ You must have spent your entire life in a skinner box to be this
clueless.
___ *plonk*
___ This has been pointed out to you before.
___ It is recommended that you:
(Mark all that apply)
___ Go Away. Now.
___ stick to FidoNet and come back when you've grown up.
___ find a volcano and throw yourself in.
___ get a gun and shoot yourself.
___ stop reading Usenet news and get a life.
___ stop sending email and get a life.
___ consume excrement.
___ consume excrement and thus expire.

Additional comments:







credit where credit is due: http://www.textfiles.com

[darph nader]

Hey,for once I'm 'not' in trouble.

[Cranbiz]

I LOVE it.

Now can I get a version to give to SG's on my bus? :D:

[Cheshire Figment]

The following was downloaded from the Usenet News group REC.ARTS.DISNEY.PARKS
From: <[email protected]>
To Whom It May Concern,
I have been paying close attention to Disney's support for "gays". This is something that I cannot support. I would like to have a letter from Disney explaining your position, so that I do not have my facts wrong.

I am a father of a AAU competitor in the sport of Karate. I work as a coach and we bring a team from Alaska to AAU national events. My Daughter just returned from New Orleans La where she and I saw that AAU and Disney are partners.

I would hate to see an entire boycott of AAU against Disney, But your public support for gays is just something me and my family cannot be surrounded by.

Thank you for your attention in this matter.

Edward --------
--------------------
Anchorage, Alaska 99501
------------
------------

Below is my response:

From: Mike -------
To: [email protected] Msg #1547, 18 Aug 96 07:15:00
Subject: Gay protest

Sir (and I use the term loosely):

The Walt Disney Company (and consolidated subsidiaries) supports gays in the same way it supports, whites, blacks, Asians, arabs, native Americans, Christians, Jews, Moslems, Hindu, Shinto, handicapped, and any other group you can think of. In other words, it follows all non-discrimination laws and all non-discriminatory morals.

They even allow bigots; this means you!

By the way, neither I, nor my wife Judy, are gay. However, we have friends, co-workers and even relatives who are gay. One of my closest friends, who I have known for 35 years, recently had a sex change operation. (This concept must really scare the pants off you.)

Since you are active in the AAU, why don't you ask the association's headquarters if there are any rules or restriction concerning membership of gays in the organization. Also, why don't you ask them if there are any statistics or estimates as to gays in the membership.

Once you do that, as such a homophobe you should resign from the AAU as it does accept gays.

If you have not seen Hunchback, why don't you go to a very good movie which teaches a moral called tolerance, which you seem to not have. Even better, why don't you pack up your computer, move about 1,000 miles north, and stay in a place where nothing (except maybe a hungry polar bear) can bother you.

You have raised a good question which tells the world about you. I think you will get responses from a lot of people about your bigotry; it may be curable.

--- Maximus/2 2.02
* Origin: Air 'n Sun ------------ Give a damn, don't spam! (1:109/120)

*** This is a reply to #1500.