Funny reading

[PattyA]

How do these people survive?

ONE: Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that
you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half
dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at
the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or
twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order
six?"
"That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets


TWO: I was checking out at the local Walmart with just a few
items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider," looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?" I said to her " I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.


THREE: A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her
floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM " thingy."

FOUR: I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her
car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have
replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car.
Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a
battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked.
"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to
me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't
you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."


FIVE: Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift.
One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the
secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.

SIX: I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor
home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I
asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the"cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.


SEVEN: My neighbor works in the operations department in the
central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have
problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one
of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the
back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"


EIGHT: Police in Radnor , Pa, interrogated a suspect by placing a
metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy
machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police
pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.


NINE: A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she
needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The
dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and it should be fine, the mother says, I just gave him some ant killer.....
Dispatcher: Rush him in to emergency room!


Life is tough.
It's tougher if you're stupid

[Main Streeter]

How do these people survive?

This was an old E M I received a few years ago. The McDonald's one is very ture I'm sure. :D:

[JustZac]

:sparky: Hehe... I could see several of those things happening... What a laugh, thanks!

[SWTexasBelle]

Two of my favs from my teaching career:
1.) "Would my average have been higher if I didn't have that zero?"
2.) As he is handing in his research paper, Thomas said "I wrote out "World War Two" because my computer doesn't have Roman numerals."

[darph nader]

The human race is DOOOOMED, well at least for 'some' americans. :mad:
OH ,I can do one just as good if not better. Most of you know I work in a furniture store,we destroy some articles that are too f-uped to sell, 'but' still usable. I call a lady friend of mine to see if she would like a 'coffee' table (aka) cocktail table. She says " I don't even have a coffee maker". I didn't try to explain,it was crushed. :(

[PattyA]

The human race is DOOOOMED, well at least for 'some' americans. :mad:
OH ,I can do one just as good if not better. Most of you know I work in a furniture store,we destroy some articles that are too f-uped to sell, 'but' still usable. I call a lady friend of mine to see if she would like a 'coffee' table (aka) cocktail table. She says " I don't even have a coffee maker". I didn't try to explain,it was crushed. :(

Ok, In the 50's a coffe table was the in thing and it was expected to be used after dinner etc.
But why don't they just can them TV tables now?

Or better yet....Beer tables?

The last two makes better sense to me.

My computer is in my "dining" room..So should I call it my dining computer from now on to mess with others brains? If I eat at the computer, would I call it the Dinputer?

So many choices, so little time.

[darph nader]

Well a beer table is a given at my house,unless my wife and daughter are having a drink,then it's a cocktail table. :D:

[Main Streeter]

Well a beer table is a given at my house

You only have one? :D: ;) :p:

[darph nader]

[quote="Main Streeter"]You only have one? :D: ]

Weeell,if you count the computer desk,my night stand,the end table next to my Bark-o-lounger,the patio table out back......well you get the picture.