Way the hell OT..but some very good advice

[LittleDollClaudia]

I received this in an email and had to pass it along. I was laughing so hard because yes, I HAVE said some of these a few times. Here goes:

Words Women Use:

1.) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five
minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often
misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome.

8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying:F@%21K YOU!

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking, "what's wrong", for the woman's response refer to # 3.


Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology. Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, cause they know its true.

[darph nader]

Aint that the truth.

[Cheshire Figment]

My Phony Valentine

If the rules of romance were taken as seriously as rules of law, 99 percent of new lovers would be pursuing fraud claims against their partners. Why? Because with everyone on their best behavior in the early stages of a relationship, what we see is seldom what we get. Protect your legal and emotional rights. Enter into relationships with open eyes and informed consent. Require all suitors to execute the Truth-In-Loving Disclosure Statement, as follows.

I, the undersigned paramour, hereby agree to abide by the time-honored romantic tradition of completely misrepresenting who I am at the beginning of our relationship, to be increasingly candid in the middle stages, and to finally reveal my stunning array of character defects, true beliefs, and annoying quirks at the end. This agreement shall be fully implemented within six months, being the estimated time it will take for our eternal, undying love to change to bitter resentment:

1. Ridiculously early in our relationship, I covenant to begin calling you my soul mate, even though neither I nor my 29 previous soul mates have any clue what that word means.

2. When asked why my prior relationships didn't work out, I shall state, "We had different goals," failing to mention that one of mine is to sabotage all relationships.

3. I will tell you that I love all the little things you do, when in fact, I hate all the little things you do, especially the way you (choose one or more): talk incessantly, squeeze the toothpaste tube in the middle, sneak up on me with a flashlight.

4. Men: I shall misrepresent that I love to communicate, listen to Sting, and especially dance. Women: I shall misrepresent that I have a deep interest in the standings, statistical leaders, and weekly injury reports for all major sports.

5. I will insist with a straight face that I never want to try to change you, even as my list of suggestions for improving your appearance, personality, and lifestyle approaches the 10,000 mark.

6. I shall pretend to find it cute how your cat climbs all over me while I'm sucking on an asthma inhaler at the same time that your dog is attempting to have intimate relations with my leg.

7. We shall talk on the phone at the following frequency: first month, five times per day; second month, three times per day; third and fourth months, once per day; fifth month, when I need a ride; sixth month, when I forget to check my Caller ID.

8. In the second month, I agree to begin combining the words "committed" and "you" in the same sentence. Provided: I will not add "mental institution" to such sentence until the fifth month.

9. In months one and two, we shall engage in frequent, excessive public displays of affection. During months three to five, such displays shall decline in direct proportion to number of syllables we utter to each other while dining out. In month six, excessive displays shall resume, but only with persons not party to this agreement.

10. I will see only the good in your numerous negative qualities until the sixth month, at which point I will come to the startling realization that your playfulness is really immaturity, your caring is codependence, and your confidence is narcissism.

11 At all relevant times, I shall confuse love with lust. My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

[darph nader]

The three signs of marriage.
#1 You can't stand to be OUT of the room with each other.
#2 You can't stand to be IN the SAME room with each other.
#3 As you you pass each other in the hallway
him,"Bitch"
Her,"Asshole".

[Main Streeter]

#3 As you you pass each other in the hallway
him,"Bitch"

darph!! You better be careful or you'll soon be a poorly pd. CM living in your car @ K Lot. Go get La Senora a beautiful Valentine & chocolates. You're probably already on very thin ice. :D:

[darph nader]

darph!! You better be careful or you'll soon be a poorly pd. CM living in your car @ K Lot. Go get La Senora a beautiful Valentine & chocolates. You're probably already on very thin ice. :D:

MS, it's a joke I heard 'years' ago. I've only used the B word to my wife twice in 22yrs of marriage. The 1st was jokingly,the 2nd time was serious, she understood both times.
btw,Valentines is our 'favorite' time of year. ;)