How to get through the Grief....

[Princess Susi]

As a way to keep all the posts about Tawny in one spot, I will just update her reports here. .

Well, I smell of cat pee again this morning. After posting earlier, I went to find Tawny to give her, her morning dose of Hyperthyroid meds and could not find her. We looked all over the place and I checked in the closet under the hanging clothes. There is a small spot between the clothes and the floor that the cats love to go hide and sleep in. It is warm and dark and private. What bothers me is cats will ONLY go seek a hiding place when they are ill, very frightened or ready to check out. :( I found her under there and her hair has that *look*. Any cat owner knows when a cat's fur looks all dull and messy, the cat is ill. So I went to put her in her bedbox. We have a box in the closet with towels in it that she loves to sleep in. It is high up on a wide shelf and she likes to be up there so Tinkerbell can't get to her. She has a nice bed and water dish up there. We sometimes even feed her her mushy up there so she won't be bothered.

Well, surprise, surprise. The box of towels reeked of urine and the towels were soaked. She had peed in her bedding... :( I took the whole mess and threw the towels into a super wash on hot to see if we can get the smell out and threw the box away. In the process of handling all that, I got the srench all over me again! Ewwwwww. cat pee...
This is not a good sign. I am waiting to hear from Dr. Santen. We called him 15 minutes ago to see what the test results are and I left the message telling him about this new episode of peeing in her bedding. She did this a week ago as well.

The other thought we have is that she is just too afraid to go to the boxes, because Tinkerbell lurks in the kitty box room and hides and when Tawny or Oliver go in to crap or pee she jumps them. Rotten cat!

Wallaby, you REALLY want a cat! :) I have just the, er... great, yeah, that's the ticket, yeh, nice, sweet, vicious, did I say vicious, I meant vigorously playful, 5 yr old monster, uh, I mean monstously beautiful cat who will sink her teeth into your hand and then run like hell.... She is something, that Tinkerbell. She is very beautiful, but just a handful and no, I am not really looking for a new home for her. She is high spirited, that one! She adores Ralph and my dad. Actually she adores men in general, and sticks her nose and tail in the air around me or other women. Flitatious little tart!

So I have set a catbox up in the closet, it is a huge walkin in our master bedroom so Tawny can have her own. It was great. I just brought it in 10 minutes ago and showed it to Tawny who sniffed around it, (it is a new unused box we had for back-up) and then she went in and took a leak, YAY!!!!! If we find it is just that she is nervous to go into the catroom, then that would be great news and she can keep her private toidy away from the other two. We are planning to add to our family :D: , two more kittens after the first of the year once we get back from DL over Christmas. I said to Ralph I was not sure I ever wanted another cat after losing Orion and if Tawny IS sick that will take the wind out of me. But he said he did not think that he or I could live in a house without a cat around. He is right. My smart hubby knows all too well the love we both have for the furry kind!
So still waiting to hear from Dr. Santen and I will update you. Gad, I hope it is just because the nerves of going into the catroom and being attacked by Tink that was causing her to pee elsewhere.
susi*catmom*slicker and Ralphie*catdad*notslicker ;)

I will post some pics of her :) and Tinkerbell :twisted: and IF I can find any some of Oliver. He hides a lot and does not like a lot of attention. He is a fraidycat, but so sweet when you can actually hold him and give him hugs!

So check here on this thread for info on Tawny's updates and pictures of the cutest cats in the whole world!!!! :D:

Here is Tawny sleeping....



Here is the little Queen Tawny posing....



Isn't she gorgeous? A beautiful little Turkish Angora, and she is NOT gray, never gray, she is *silver* like the royalty she is... :)

[Whazzup]

Beautiful pictures, Sus. Thanks for sharing. One of these days I'll learn how to post pix on here and share my critter pictures.

[Princess Susi]

Tawny Update: Well good news :D: and bad news... :(

Tawny does NOT have serious advanced kidney disease or Renal failure...whewwwww...BUT, she does have early stage kidney disease as I thought she would have some state of kidney disease. The signs were just too evident to be something more benign like an infection, tho we are waiting on the culture of her pee to see if there is any bacterial infection like a bladder infection. No crystals or stones, but because she is 15 and a senior cat, this is inevitable. She goes in today for a neurology exam. She has been having these weird nerve twitches for a while and we want to see if the animal neurologist can give us a diagnosis. So that is on tap for her today. We will be picking up a new food for her, just as I thought. I told the vet on the phone, when do we start her on KD? and he said that was his thought exactly. Sometimes being a Vet tech helps to understand things before you even get a diagnosis, sometimes it can make you crazy cause you just *know* it is something worse as it was in Orion's case. I just *knew* he had cancer because of the symptoms. it is a blessing and a curse to have learned what to look for and know signs and symptoms of fairly commom diseases in animals.
So we know now she has the beginning stages of kidney disease, I was not too surprised, but it just means we really have to watch her diet and keep her hydrated and the nasty disease will take it's own course. Unfortunately there is not much more we can do for it, since it is a disease of aging cats. Ralph is going to talk to our Vet about the possibility that the Veterinary School at University of Colorado in Fort Collins may be doing kidney transplants in cats...Possible, not too likely, but worth a shot.
She is going to have a dental teeth cleaning while we are gone for Christmas, so that will help her wittle teef.

And the vicious Tinkerbell is unrelenting in her assault on Tawny's peace...I swear, I may HAVE to find a new home for that ccat. I don't want to, but she is just too feisty and controlling and always wants to attack other cats. She needs to be an only cat! Sher is determined to be Alpha cat, which Tawny is and Tink does NOT like that nor accept that. We have little hair tufts all over the house from the confrontations! They wake us at night with the growling and the hissing and the yowling and the attacking. Tawny is so mellow and just wants to sleep on her chair in our room and Tink thinks that is her cue to attack! Cats....
Anyway, I will have more news about her neuro symptoms later. She and me both, neuro problems, mine in my back, hers in the face where she twitches a lot. I asked Dr. Santen yesterday if there was such a thing as Kitty parkinsons, he said, not really, but some diseases of the nervous system that are similar.

You know, I think our pet food has gotten too refined. I remember feeding our dogs, Purina Dog chow their entire lives and they lived a long time. Now we see all these pets coming into the Vet Hospitals with so many issues, I really believe the food additives are causing more problems in our pets. Pets seem to be getting more and more diseases they did not get back in the day. It is just weird, thatw e would be so advance in Veterinary medicine and animals are getting sicker. The same holds true for human medicine too, I guess. Just strange to me.

Another update will be forthcoming when we know more about her neurological issues.
love to you all,
sooze

Tawny and her toys...

[Princess Susi]

Okay, I am a big wuss...I am bawling my eyes out right now. Ralphie just took my beautiful Tawnygirl off to the Vet for a long stay...She needs to have a radioactive treatment for her thyroid. They only do them once in a while and they one other cat that will also be doing the treatment. Tawny has to stay in iso for 3 days after they administer the radioactive material and then she can get MINIMAL contact for a week and then a little more the second week. We are leaving Thursday anyway and I won't see her for a week, but I am so sad. I LOVE that cat. She has been with me for 15 years. She knows me better than any other living thing on this planet. She and I have been through alot together. I need her in my life to keep me sane. We will be back by the time she is in her second week.

I cried myself to sleep last night over Orion again. I cannot seem to get past the empty hole in my heart. I was so depressed last night, I was screaming at GOD for taking Orion from me. My anger at HIM has not subsided much this morning and Tawny is the only cat in the house that comes to give me comfort. Our other two are just *boarders* here. They seem to think it is fine if we feed them, give them treats, a warm place to sleep and they are fine with that. They abhor attention, so I cannot hug them very often, they will scratch at me to get down.

You know you only meet a few cats in your lifetime that reach a certain status with you, and Orion and Tawny are two of those cats. My life. They are my life and I am having trouble letting go of Orion. He has been gone 2 months this coming Thursday, the day we leave for DL and I am just as distraught this morning as I was the morning I kissed him goodbye for the last time... I miss him so much and now with Tawny at the Vet til we come back, I am falling apart here. I cannot stop crying and want to just go bury myself under the blankets til she gets back... :( And I don't have anyone else to talk to right now...I am going to lie down and try to meditate and do some deep breathing to calm down. I will be back at the board later...

[mechurchlady]

big hugs and kitty prayers

[DisneyMom]

Susi, go ahead and cry it out, 2 months ago is not very long, and the Holidays
are the time when we review the year and remember those who have gone, normally.
I hope you feel better soon.

[Kwahati]

I feel for you Susi. I wish I could say more, but it's kinda hard for me to read this thread too thoroughly... I've lost a beautiful dog before and reading this makes me think about how I would (will eventually) feel losing Kwahati. She's about to be three years old on Christmas, but she's still my little baby puppy! So I know how you feel. I also know that you know it's not His fault and that He would never give you more than you can handle. If He closes a door, He might not *open* a window, but He'll certainly leave one unlocked for you! :D: You know you're always welcome to come cry on SGT's collective shoulder and though some of us (I) might not always be strong enough to post with our reassurances, you can be certain that we are here with you and you will always have our support.

[Big Wallaby]

I am looking forward to reading the book Rescuing Sprite. Don't let the author of the book throw you, it's definitely not a political book. It may help you through this very hard time. I know how it was when I lost Sammy to leukemia... The day we came into the laundry room and he was lying there literally unable to move... <shudder>

Thoughts and prayers going out to and for you.

[Princess Susi]

I woke up this morning to a kitty cat nudging me awake. For a second, I thought....Wait , it can't be him, he is an angel now. It was his brother, Oliver trying to wake me up to get some love. Now this is a cat who won't get near me during the day! Ihave no idea why, but he reuns frim me and will not let me within 5 feet and then it is off to the bedroom and under the bed. He runs shrieking from the room when I walk in, but at night, he crawls all over me to get hugs and kisses.

So I got up and strangely I felt sad. I felt like I had been punched in the gut. Weird. I turned on the light and on my nightstand is one of the most beautiful pictures of Orion you ever saw! I immediately had many feelings well up inside of me. :(

This past 3 weeks I have been okay. I could look at his picture and smile and not burst into tears. I felt like I was coming through the darkness and leaving the sad part behind. I was remembering him with smiles and even laughter. Ralph and I could actually TALK about him without tears rolling down our faces. We could laugh about little things he used to do. Then, BOOM!

This morning I started to cry out of nowhere, when I looked at hios beautiful face and then I talked to Ralph a little bit about him. We were both solemn and not smiling. I thought the worst was behind. Then, I looked at my watch and saw the date.

1-20-08. January 20th, 2008. The 20th! It has bneen exactly 3 months to the day that he has been gone. This is the anniversary of his passiong into the loving arms of St. Francis. And I am crying again.

It is as if the cells in the body have memory and will nebver let go of this terrible anniversary date. I don't want to cry about his being gone. I want to rejoice about him being my Guardian Angelcat! In my heart, I do.

But my arms long to hold him amd bury my face in his soft fur. I want to hear his soft meow answering me, when I say to him, "I love you, Orion. You're mama's baby, you know." Then he would bury his head inmy shoulder and just purr so loud, you would think it could go on forever.

And it does. I KNOW he is purring and waiting for us to join him someday, long from now. He can wait. His love is forever, just like ours is for him. The love never dies, even the body gives out. We will always have our beautiful little boy with us in our hearts someday I will hold him again in my arms, never to let go....


For all of you here, who are my friends in the world, if you have a furry friend, hug him or here today and tell them how much you love them. Keep them close to your heart. And never, ever let them go!

In memory of Orion *Supacat*, My beautiful Angelcat. :supercat:
1/97-10/20/07

[Princess Susi]

Most of the earlier links to pics have been broken. I had to move pictures around in my photo albums online and that broke the link to them. I wil post some here.