Hey guys, I've missed you...

[NessaMcTastic]

Bru,

My thougts and prayers are with you. I'm about to take my mom to the neurologist but I have to say that I am incredibly thankful that she's ok. When I go to pick her up, I'll be sure to give her and my dad a big hug; at 79 he may still be the picture of health (even if he still smokes 2 packs a day. At least he stopped smoking unfiltered Camels about 20 years ago. He's still a Marlboro guy though. UGH) but I know that he won't be like that forever.

Good luck.
--Vanessa

[Princess Susi]

You are in my heart and I send hugs to you. This is such a hard time for you and your family. Just try to take as good as care of yourself as you can too. Don't wear yourself down. And As DM said, your dad may change his viewpoint if he gets to feeling better.
I am thinking of you everyday and sending good, healing vibes your way!

sues

[Elena (aka: Bubble Lady)]

[font="Palatino Linotype"]it never rains but it pours...bru, you know you have friends here with all too willing ears...er...i mean eyes...give us your best...or worst...we're here to listen to whatever you want to lay on us [/font]

[February]

[font="Palatino Linotype"]it never rains but it pours...bru, you know you have friends here with all too willing ears...er...i mean eyes...give us your best...or worst...we're here to listen to whatever you want to lay on us [/font]

Thank you Elena, and I am so grateful for those eyes cause boy I need them right now!

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, now that I got that out, get this everybody. Less than 36 hours after I told my Dad that I wouldn't be able to see him for a few days because my daughter is here, I'm not feeling well, etc and I told my mom that this is her deal (and I'm with you feline, I can't abide people who think that hard work is beneath them. I've been a hard worker all my life and until I was disabled I worked at jobs may people consider menial but I worked my tail off! I'd still be working if I were healthy enough)...

Within an hour, my mother called me and said "You have to help me with this they're trying to discharge your father and he can't come home." she wants to put him straight into a nursing home! While I'm on the phone trying to tell her that we were disgusted that she didn't even want to cook for the man and you don't retire out of marriage- (like Wazz said, whatever happened to in sickness and health!?) the call waiting rings and it's the case worker at the hospital! Seems my father got out his pen and paper and told them to CALL ME.

NOW they want my input! Now they want me to wave the frigging magic wand and make it all better! I can't!

I told the case worker in no uncertain terms that I am legally blind in one eye, I have had one stroke and am seriously at risk for another (my BP was so high the other night that for 2 hours after we got home I couldn't hear anything- my hearing always fuzzes out when my BP goes up) and my face is drooping on the left side- I've had a continuous migraine on the right side (the side the stroke was on) and I am literally at risk of coming unglued. I explained to her that I cared for my father seven years ago after the brain surgery but that I'm not even as healthy as I was then (though that was a year post stroke at the time even so I could see) I told her someone was going to have to explain to my father that I couldn't do it this time because I have already been warning him about this for more than a year while he's been refusing to go to the doctor.

I also told her it's my opinion that my father is full of infection and that he should not be released until they determine why he has spontaneously bled so profusely twice now- two separate episodes. Especially when it's someone who won't take a blood transfusion, you just don't mess with that! I think this small hospital wants to dump him because without more tests or surgeries he's not making them any money.

It' s just a huge mess and I bet at some point the court system will get involved (though it should be, my brother should be in a group home and my mother should be ALONE)

My husband said to one of our friends last night that he was curious to see how things would go now that I wasn't going to be stepping in to try to solve everyone's problems this time. Within 12 hours of him writing that, both of my parents tried to throw me under the bus.

Unfreakingbelievable.

Thanks for listening, just knowing someone knows what is going on and that I'm not crazy helps a LOT.

time for tylenol and maybe a nap.

love to all and all my thanks
Bru

[Whazzup]

It seems to me that your MOTHER has the legal and ethical responsibility of taking primary care of your father. Not YOU with your bad health right now. Your father sounds like he really doesn't want to go home and be cared for by your mother, but it's not fair for him to try and dump it all on you. He should have thought of all that when you urged him to get medical care a long time ago.
I guess there's no easy solution to this dilemma, dear Bru. You're right - the courts may have to get involved if your mom refuses to care for him. But he also has to take some responsibility for his own care and allow them to treat him or transfer him to a facility that can help him.
Here's wishing you strength and fortitude to deal with this mess, and a big improvement in your physical and emotional well-being.

[BRWombat]

I'll second what Whazzup said. Sounds like you're doing the right thing, Bru. Please take care of yourself.

[Notatourist]

Bru-

First, like others, hang in there. We're here for you if you need to vent or scream.

Your dad wants to talk to you. I would go do that. Ask him what he wants-the heck with your mom on this one. Then, to the best of your ability, do it. You can not be expected to take care of him, let him know that, but be firm. He raised you, remember this the whole time.

And LIKE I SAID...Hang in there.

[hobie16]

No good deed goes unpunished.

[DisneyMom]

I agree with the others, this CANNOT be put on your shoulders just because no one else is willing! :mad:
You did the right thing by being up front with the social worker. I know this isn't the preferred thing, but maybe a nursing facility is the best option, ONCE HE IS STABLE. This does not mean that you and your family can't be there to make sure he is comfortable, well fed, and not lonely...hopefully he will have a time where he will feel better and you all can have some quality time together...it might be the solution for all of you and relieve the current family issues.
You have to take good care of yourself so you can continue to be there for your Father. He'll realize that in time. Just worry about being his daughter, you don't have to be his nurse, too. He is just wanting some reassurance that he won't be alone at this time.

[Princess Susi]

As always, Disneymom gives such common sense advice. I agree with this. I also agree that you should talk to him and at least let him know you cannot take care of this and that it is out of your hands. Maybe going into a nursing home would be the best. At least he will get medical care and you can all see him. He may pick up a little bit without your mom being ridiculous about HAVING to care for him. And you can love him without resentment. That is for the past. There is nothing you can do to change what happened, you have to go from NOW. You need to try to release all the anger and resentment and try to just love him for now. People don't always make the right choices in life and we can punish them forever for not agreeing with the way they lived their life or made bad decisions, or we can forgive and get on with our lives.

But YOU cannot be responsible for your mother or father. You must take care of yourself. I am concerned about you, that you are having high BP and migraines and fuzzy hearing. You HAVE to calm down and only live your life. If that means a nursing home for dad and mom does not want to honor HER vows, then that is what they do. It is NOT your fault or problem.

You need to try to let it go. Do some deep breathing and relaxation exercises if you can. Do you have someone to talk to, like a counselor or pastor? If not come here to post with us or write me at my home email or call me at my home phone number. I can be a good listener and Ralph is an angel, you know. God sent him back 4 times from death, because he was not done here and he is truly an angel. He can be one of the best people in the world to talk to. And he will listen.
With big hugs and much love for you,
Susi