Hey guys, I've missed you...

[hobie16]

If your dad is half as tough as you he'll do fine.

[DisneyMom]

This is Good News! :)
You know, maybe all of this will in the end bring your family closer together. That is my prayer for you all. Sometimes we just have to love them the way they are......

[Mayonnaise]

Glad to hear your Dad can eat again, considering how much it means to him. Sending more good wishes and prayers for a continuation of this progress!

*More Virtual Hugs.*

8^)

[Elena (aka: Bubble Lady)]

[font="Palatino Linotype"]i'm so glad to hear some amount of good news...you know when someone has cancer it doesn't just affect them...the whole family (and very often friends...and this is when you find out who your REAL friends are) have it too...it's a very difficult time for everyone...and i can see where and why many divorces and break-ups occur...but, bru, it truly sounds as if, with your tremendous strength and will, will bring your family back together again...starting with your mom...i certainly hope so...because in this life when there is no one else, hopefully, there is family...

i continue to send good thoughts your way...kissesssssssssssss and HUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSSSSSSSS[/font]

[Notatourist]

Bru-

Update? Been thinking about you...

[Big Wallaby]

I've been gone two weeks or so, and I'm dying for an update. Hope all is well.

[Princess Susi]

Yes, Bru, plesase let us know how things are going. We are all praying for you still and keeping you in our warm thoughts.
Post when you can...
Susi

[February]

Oh guys, I owe you the hugest apology. I did not mean to leave you without an update for so long, shame on me!

It's been so crazy. I continue to draw strength every day from the thought of all the good vibes and kind words you've given to me in the past few months- they have truly been a lifeline not only for me but my husband too as I've shared them with him. Dad too, I always tell him that my 'friends from the disney cast member board' give a shout out and that never fails to bring a smile.

Okay...lets see. OMG I had to look back at my last post to see what I wrote and I can't believe I haven't posted in a month- I feel horrible about leaving you hanging. Truth is I haven't stopped a moment to even consider all that's happened- I'll see if I can sum it up without putting you all to sleep.

The university hospital only kept my father seven days. He was NOT ready to be sent to the rehab 'hospital' (which only had one doctor on staff and none on weekends!) They sent him by ambulance.

By the next day I showed up and he was crying, having a panic attack and saying he was going to die. I asked him why and he wrote a note 'not getting better, not going to make it' and I asked him if he was in pain and he just sobbed. I lit into the nurses because it turned out they'd let his pain medication lapse. there was supposed to be an order saying he could have water by mouth before he left the U, but they dropped the ball and so the rehab place wouldn't let him have anything by mouth.

He asked to go back to the hospital, so I got on the phone and got the otolarangologist (forget how you spell it I don't have time to look it up!) on call and the guy was rather snippy with me. I told him that my father seemed to think he was not going to make it and was saying so and he said "sounds like everything is under control medically and he's just going through the normal process' or something like that. I was polite with him, but the guy was really nasty to me :( not helpful.

Well, we got dad's pain medication back on track and all, and he felt better but he was still miserable, on feeding tube, all of that it's a horrible surgery absolutely the most unthinkable thing I've ever seen and I wouldn't have it done to me, I'd rather just be done.

He was in the rehab hospital a week- went to see him as much as I could, etc, missed a couple days cause my daughter was really sick, all of this. Then they sent him home, still swollen all up like a balloon. I swear I heve never seen anyone's face that huge. They really, severely underprepared us for the swelling that would happen due to the neck resection part of the surgery. Yes, that is every bit as gruesome as it sounds and I have to wonder now if he swelled up so bad because they took the drains out too soon so he could leave the U.

So fast forward now, he's home, I get sick, my husband gets sick, we miss visiting him a few days, etc. They send him home from rehab hospital, and my mother instantly stops giving him his calcium supplment.

to be continued

[February]

So, unbeknownst to me he's stopped taking his calcium. That figures in later.

17 days after his surgery my daughter answers the door, and there's dad! He drove himself to my house. I was not happy about this- I was terrified I first verified that he was off all his pain medications (had been for a week) and, while he was here I was in so much shock that I accidentily turned to the left, forgetting I can't SEE on the left and I took what my daughter calls "a spectacular fall" she meant this in a horrifying way and said it looked like something out of a movie.

I knocked over my gliding ottoman, turning it upside down and hitting my head on the wood underside in the process. I was black and blue, dazed, and sprained my wrists among other lovely things. Dad went on his way home- and then while I was recovering from my fall, I got sick (again). Then... a couple days later the phone rings.

See, my dad has no more parathyroid, which processes calcium, he HAS to have the supplement. My mom was still not giving it to him.

He blew off his follow up appointment with the surgeon (unknown to me until they called my house looking for him). I told them I couldn't force the man to do anything, and I felt horrible about the situation knowing it was going to bite us. Well it didn't take long.

The next day he collapsed, blacked out and was barely breathing when the paramedics arrived. He ended up back in the local hospital.

What happened next was what completely blew my mind. Mom lied to me saying they 'didn't know' what it was (later she told my sister it was the calcium levels being low). Then, he refused transfer back to the University and continued to blow off the very doctors that I spent three months building a relationship up with.

My mother tore up my medical power of attorney and said that my sister had hers and that she herself (mom) was making the decisions now. My dad has not contested this.

So.

Basically, I'm done. I've been sick ever since- haven't been able to eat anything without getting sick, have had the respiratory flu separately, my husband is now sick as a dog and my daughter has had one thing after another we're all so run down. My mother continues to be toxic and abusive to everyone- my dad's car keys have now been hidden from him (my mother may give them back tomorrow though who knows) I told him if he shows up at my door he'll get sent home in a cab.

I basically finally came completely unglued. I spent a few days flat out in bed so sick I couldn't move- and have been trying to get my feet back underneath me since.

So that's what's happening. He's not caring for his stoma properly and I figure that infection in his lungs will be what finishes him off. He's refused the chemo and radiation they wanted him to have (though with the odds they add to five year survival being so low I don't blame him- he's been through absolute hell) right now I've had to finally go into preservation mode not only for myself but my husband and child- a million other things that had been let go while I dealt with the crisis had to be caught up- and so I'm still finding my way back.

But honestly, I love you guys. Thanks again for all your kind words and long-distance support I don't know what I'd have done without it.

Have to run for now dinner is late getting going here but I promise it won't be another month before I post. Promise.

hope this isn't too bad no time to reread or edit for spelling etc.

love to all,
Bru

[hobie16]

Bru,

You've gone well past what anyone could ask you to do. Take care of yourself, your husband and daughter. Get all of you well before you even think about reengaging with your parents.

If your mother starts in again, don't engage. Hang up or close the door.

Be well.

Dr. Hobie