I awoke this morning, looked across the room and saw Orion's picture and began to cry my eyes out.
It is 1 year 18 days since we said goodbye to our beautiful furry son...
Ralph and I were with Disneymom and hubby on the 20th of October, the year anniversary. It meant the world to me to have her here there to hug me and made me realize that all my friends are here, at SGT. You all supported me so much when we went through the worst of it and I will never forget your kindness when I was at my lowest. I thought the pain would go away or at least lessen over a year and it hasn't. :(
Because these furry babies are Ralphie's and my children, we grieve them still. Ralphie and I talked through our tears this morning about how much we loved him and what he brought to our lives and how it is so difficult to lose the special things that only he, Orion, could bring to us.
I am feeling so sad today. It comes and goes. The tears flow so freely and I just want to wrap my arms around him and to have it all have been a bad dream. For some time now, I was able to look at his picture and smile and know he was no longer in pain and we would cross the Rainbow Bridge to reunite with him someday.
But then comes a day like today: I can't stop weeping for him and for me being without him. He was my snugglecat, when I needed to hug a warm furry body, he was always the first on the bed. He followed me around and sat on the computer desk with me watching me type. You have seen the pictures. Today he is not there, except in my memory and what I would give to have him there right now with his furry body stretched across the keyboard and to hear his meow that sounded more like a question than anything.
I post here today because this is the only place I have to talk about him to people who know me and care. Even the lurkers who may not have posted way back then, but are now active members and the lurkers who just read still, you all are here and it makes me feel like I have a safe place to cry.
1 year and 18 days later, ther pain is just as great as it was the day we let him go. Will it ever lessen or will I live with this heaviness in my heart forever?
I just need him so much and I can't have him.
Most of you if not all have been in this place, it is the price we pay for loving a furry friend that has a shorter lifespan. But I would not give up one minute of the time I had with him to never have had him at all and be spared this torment. It is better to have known what unconditional love is about than to never have held him in my arms.
Thanks for letting me come here and cry and grieve. Today is one of the hard days.
Thank you so much Disneymom for being there on the year anniversary with us. Your hugs meant more to me than you know.
And all of you, SGT posters and lurkers alike, thank you for being here, in a place I feel safe to let me feelings out. Without all of you, my world would be a lot emptier and much colder.
Thank you.
Susi =^.^=
We miss you babyboy....
