Why take your kids?

[Goofyernmost]

I've been unemployed for the last 3 years, so no, I don't work on a college campus. But I've been on a couple. Yes, I do see polite, considerate kids, but unfortunately, I also run into kids --and adults--who think they're the king of the world. Listen, I had a bunch of so-called psychiatrists and psychologists tell my parents that (supposedly) I would never be able to drive, live alone, or work at anything more than menial jobs. And my mom made sure that happened. She's now dead and burning in Hell, and I'm trying to pull myself up by my bootstraps and get on with my life. It took me 35 years to find out there was never anything wrong with me, because back in the 60s and 70s there practically was no such thing as a normal child.

Now I'm hearing about how kids today are this, that, and the other. And they all have excuses as to why they behave the way they do. And parents again are listening to pop psychologists and hanging on their every word. Listen, Thomas Edison had a very high I.Q. plus he he was imaginative, but he couldn't hack regular school. Know why? The teacher thought his constant stream of questions meant he was mentally retarded. Mrs. Edison had been a teacher before her marriage, so she took Thomas out of regular school and home-schooled him. They gave him quite a bit of leeway to perform his experiments, even though they werent always successful. One result of his need to perform experiments led to a condition that he would have the rest of his life--he was earning money for buying his supplies by selling newspapers, etc., on trains, and he was allowed to set up his chemical apparatus in a boxcar. One day the train was at a siding and jerked suddenly, causing chemicals to spill, mix and ignite. Though Thomas called for help and trainmen put the fire out, a hot-tempered conductor gave Thomas' ears such a boxing (another story says pulling--both were used as punishments back then) that his inner ear was damaged, causing deafness. However, he didn't let his deafness stop him--even when he later invented the phonograph. Yeah, he could be eccentric, but look at the benefits he's given us. But though he was eccentric, when he was young he still had to conform to his parents' rules, and later to the rules of society. Now of course the revisionists are trying to tag Edison and others as being this or that, but hey, what's the use? They're dead, it doesn't matter.

Bottom line, forget the labels and work on your strengths, not your weaknesses. If I let people slap a label on me, they tend to limit me. If I want limits on me, they will be the ones of my choosing, thank you. If you feel you absolutely must follow some professional's dictum, make sure you do your homework. Because I wasn't allowed to learn new skills, or learn to drive, etc., that has made job-hunting difficult. A lot of jobs are unavailable to me because I was never allowed to learn how to drive. I did take lessons once, but me and stick shifts don't get along. And ole mom made sure I never got to practice. People say you have to do things for yourself, but it's not as easy as it seems.

Until you got to the highlighted sentences, I was cheering for your insight on this topic and I agreed with it completely. Now if they are dead, and I think that is what you said, not sure, then the time has come to stop blaming ole mom for your not driving. Stick shifts aren't required anymore and if you have the ability to learn, just do it. I agree that the labels given to you back then do affect how you feel about your abilities now.

Why, oh why would any responsible parent want to label their child as autistic, for example? It works well, perhaps, to get special treatment as a child but as an adult...the world is not going to care. Why make them think that there is something wrong with them when effort and encouragement and discipline can prepare the child for his/her life after mom and dad. Their life may not be exactly the same as others, but who's is? It makes no sense to me at all. Alas, there is so much I don't understand. Perhaps I need a label.

[DisneyMom]

Why, oh why would any responsible parent want to label their child as autistic, for example? It works well, perhaps, to get special treatment as a child but as an adult...the world is not going to care. Why make them think that there is something wrong with them when effort and encouragement and discipline can prepare the child for his/her life after mom and dad. Their life may not be exactly the same as others, but who's is? It makes no sense to me at all. Alas, there is so much I don't understand. Perhaps I need a label.

Goofyer, I personally don't know anybody who WANTS to label their child Autistic, it is just the diagnosis that Professionals are now giving to over 1 out
150 children now. I didn't tell my child to not speak to me until he was 4 years old, to bang his head HARD whenever I went outside without him for a minute to get the newspaper ,to not have eye contact with anyone, to not smile or laugh as baby unless he was being spun around, to not sleep more than 6 hours a day
until he was in first grade, to ignore people and have a plastic hanger be his favorite toy, and years later, be SO concerned that he wouldn't pass the High School Exit Exam and graduate, he tried to choke himself with his belt outside of the testing room. He did pass the next time he attempted the test.
What Special Treatment did he get? He got to be placed in classes where Special Ed students were in class with the Emotionally Disturbed students who liked to tease them/ beat them up on a regular basis. Cop who arrested my son when he was 14 because he FOUGHT BACK when several older regular-Ed students tortured him every day, and I asked for an investigation as PE teacher was nowhere to be found during entire class period. Teacher and a Principal who told me to institutionalize him. Sitters and teacher who beat him or kept him alone in a room, or just plain wouldn't take an autistic kid.
Things have been going much better now, obviously. I described earlier in this thread things son is doing to improve his marketability. He has applied for Jobs in the area, but nothing has worked out yet. I tell him not to feel bad as he has been very depressed about this, but what are we, at 20% unemployment in this state now? I just tell him to keep on learning job skills and some day he will find a job for him.
Sad thing is, there will always be people who think you can turn autism off by just saying to snap out of it...... There are genetic factors that cause autism, and anatomical/ physiological differences in the brains of persons with autism, it is NOT "just a label".

[Whazzup]

Well said, DisneyMom.

[hobie16]

Jesus! If I'd been you I'd be in jail for administering a few severe beat downs on some a-holes who desperately needed it.

[DisneyMom]

Thanks Whazzup and Hobie :)
I actually went back to edit some of the more brutal stuff out of there, then found out it was too late. Despite all the stuff that went on, we just wanted,
most of all, peace and acceptance. And I'm NEVER sorry for one second that he is mine.
But yeah,Hobie, I've had my fantasies. :mad: Got to keep a clear head and stay focused for what is more beneficial in the long run.

[hobie16]

Focus on end game. Grrrrrrrrrr.

Focus on end game. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Focus on end game. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

GRRRRAARRGGHHHH!!

[felinefan]

Goofyer, it's like Disneymom said--you can't turn off autism, etc.. I have no kick against kids who truly are in need of help, like autistic kids, because it's medically proven they are differant. They have differant needs. As I understand it, autisic children have hypersentitive senses, the least thing that comes along is huge for them, to the point where it's painful. So they shut down or react the way they do because that's how they come. Anyone, feel free to correct this.

The thing with stick shift was, at the time I couldn't afford the automatic course from the driving school, the only one I could afford. In fact, before my mom died, my sister told me she could sign mom's car over to me if I got my driver's license. So I was in a study for high blood pressure, and I had only a few more visits to go, then I was going to use the money fromt he study to take lessons and get my license. I had a good school selected, but then--mom died. My youngest sister got the car instead. Everything went out the window. The money I got from the study was added to mom's life insurance policy plus what she left me, and I'm living off of that.

If you have never been in an oppressive, dysfunctional, abusive situation, you cannot just "snap out of it", it takes time to get your confidence back, and some things require money, like driving lessons, learners' permits, and driver's licenses. Also cars, insurance,registration, gas, oil and maintenence. And let's not forget things like food and shelter, as well as laundry, clothing, etc.. I'm in a catch-22 position here, I need to get a job to earn money to pay off my student loans, as well as afford a new place to live, and get driving lessons, etc., but the fact that I don't drive cuts me out of a lot of jobs.

After thinking about it and researching, weighing my options, I've decided not to go for training as a medical biller/coder. That costs money. I will instead go into a class for office employment, which is free. My only anticipated expense is getting there by bus. Office clerks may not make as much as medical billers, but in my life I have observed that people who start off in low paying jobs, if they apply themselves to the job, usually come out better in the end than those who went for the high paying jobs in the beginning. Besides, what else is there after medical billing? Not a whole lot. Office clerks can go farther, because their generalized experience and education help them fit anywhere, instead of the specialized training of a biller/coder.

If one good thing can come of my past, it makes a great plot for a book series. Perfect revenge. :twisted:

Oh, one more thing I forgot to mention: It took me 35 years to figure out, through research, that what the so-called "professionals" told my parents was absolute guff--no scientific basis for it whatsoever. And when you have a bunch of strong personalities holding you back, that makes it that much harder to "just do it." So, before you judge somebody or try to offer your opinion on something, please walk a mile in their shoes.

[Goofyernmost]

I guess I knew that my statements would be explosive, but this topic is very difficult to express without someone getting hurt or upset.

Let me try one more time. Back in the days of old every individual was judged based on their ability to function in life. Every child (and I mean every child) has varying degrees of dysfunction in one area or another. When those degrees were identified and diagnosed a plan of action or method of coping was figured out and adopted. Sometimes by professionals, but most of the time by the parent.

Now every form of and degree of disability is categorized as Autistic. Every person that has a child that has been diagnosed with Autism now lumps each one in the same category whether it be a very mild dysfunction to a severe dysfunction. There does not seem to be any separation of degrees. Therefore if a child with minor problems is labeled in the same grouping as one with more severe problems and continuously reminded that they are "different", I feel that this makes it more difficult for that individual to find a way to cope with their problems and to a degree overcome them. For example, if one keeps telling anyone that they are not very smart, eventually that person will believe it.

Obviously, and I never cease to be amazed how people can think that I am saying that every adversity can be easily overcome. Of course it cannot. I am just saying that some problems are self perpetuating and some serious thought should be given to how that will affect later life. It is sometimes a lot easier to make excuses than to tackle the problem with work and effort.
Again depending on the degree of severity. Beat me if you must but that is my opinion. No one has to accept it.

[DisneyMom]

I guess I knew that my statements would be explosive, but this topic is very difficult to express without someone getting hurt or upset.

Let me try one more time. Back in the days of old every individual was judged based on their ability to function in life. Every child (and I mean every child) has varying degrees of dysfunction in one area or another. When those degrees were identified and diagnosed a plan of action or method of coping was figured out and adopted. Sometimes by professionals, but most of the time by the parent.

Now every form of and degree of disability is categorized as Autistic. Every person that has a child that has been diagnosed with Autism now lumps each one in the same category whether it be a very mild dysfunction to a severe dysfunction. There does not seem to be any separation of degrees. Therefore if a child with minor problems is labeled in the same grouping as one with more severe problems and continuously reminded that they are "different", I feel that this makes it more difficult for that individual to find a way to cope with their problems and to a degree overcome them. For example, if one keeps telling anyone that they are not very smart, eventually that person will believe it.

Obviously, and I never cease to be amazed how people can think that I am saying that every adversity can be easily overcome. Of course it cannot. I am just saying that some problems are self perpetuating and some serious thought should be given to how that will affect later life. It is sometimes a lot easier to make excuses than to tackle the problem with work and effort.
Again depending on the degree of severity. Beat me if you must but that is my opinion. No one has to accept it.

Goofyer-
The problem with your statements is that you are making broad generalizations about a large group of people, when the reality is that
1) There are still plenty of people being diagnosed with OTHER disabilities than Autism (Down Syndrome, cerebral palsy, brain cell death due to hypoxia, Fragile X Syndrome, OCD....)
2)Even if someone IS diagnosed with Autism, it is well known in the community that Autism Spectrum Disorder is just that- a wide variety of personalities and abilities. Some of the kids in my son's program are driving and doing quite well in their college classes. Others, like my son, struggle.
I asked what was the criteria for being in his particular program, since some seem to be doing so well. The instructor told me that the criteria was an inability to be successful in a typical school setting. ALL of the kids were having real difficulties, just some were not obvious to me.
3) when you assume and put on a message board that parents label their children Autistic just to get special priviledges, you could give someone an idea that anyone who says their child has Autism is lying and taking advantage of "the system". You certainly do have a right to your opinion, just as I have the right to present what my experience with the issue is.
4) I don't have to tell my child he is different. The experiences he has had with others make sure he knows very acutely and painfully that he is. MY job is to build him up while explaining that although he was born with certain issues that can make things harder, he has so many qualities that will help him succeed as well. He is very handsome, caring, athletic, has an amazing memory, for example. Most of us who have special-needs kids are out there quietly plugging along, and only when someone needs their eyes opened, will we open up on exactly how hard it has been.

Hurt and Upset? Naaah. Maybe Frustrated and Irritated.

[Goofyernmost]

Goofyer-
The problem with your statements is that you are making broad generalizations about a large group of people, when the reality is that
1) There are still plenty of people being diagnosed with OTHER disabilities than Autism (Down Syndrome, cerebral palsy, brain cell death due to hypoxia, Fragile X Syndrome, OCD....)
2)Even if someone IS diagnosed with Autism, it is well known in the community that Autism Spectrum Disorder is just that- a wide variety of personalities and abilities. Some of the kids in my son's program are driving and doing quite well in their college classes. Others, like my son, struggle.
I asked what was the criteria for being in his particular program, since some seem to be doing so well. The instructor told me that the criteria was an inability to be successful in a typical school setting. ALL of the kids were having real difficulties, just some were not obvious to me.
3) when you assume and put on a message board that parents label their children Autistic just to get special priviledges, you could give someone an idea that anyone who says their child has Autism is lying and taking advantage of "the system". You certainly do have a right to your opinion, just as I have the right to present what my experience with the issue is.
4) I don't have to tell my child he is different. The experiences he has had with others make sure he knows very acutely and painfully that he is. MY job is to build him up while explaining that although he was born with certain issues that can make things harder, he has so many qualities that will help him succeed as well. He is very handsome, caring, athletic, has an amazing memory, for example. Most of us who have special-needs kids are out there quietly plugging along, and only when someone needs their eyes opened, will we open up on exactly how hard it has been.

Hurt and Upset? Naaah. Maybe Frustrated and Irritated.

Knowing that this discussion will only deteriorate let me end my participation by just saying this...I know that there are "other" diagnoses out there and I am certainly not speaking about those with "severe" problems. However, what I am saying is that that same broad brush is presently being used by society to identify a broad spectrum of problems. I just feel that if someone must be labeled, it needs to be more specific and less grouped then the current "Autism" one is now. It is over used, over diagnosed and over reacted too, in my opinion. 1 out of every 150 children diagnosed with it seems like a situation that is worse than any flu or even a plague. It is almost as if humankind is evolving and whatever is happening is quickly becoming the norm. For what it is worth, that is my observation. It isn't intended to irritate or frustrate, just express my observation. No one needs to convince me or even pay any attention to what I am saying...it's my opinion.

I do take one exception to what you said...

3) when you assume and put on a message board that parents label their children Autistic just to get special priviledges, you could give someone an idea that anyone who says their child has Autism is lying and taking advantage of "the system".

I don't believe I ever said or implied that at all. All I have ever implied is that I felt it sometimes resulted in over-reaction and over-expectations. I never said that anyone intentionally claimed anything for special privileges. Sorry if you thought that!