Things to teach your child...

[felinefan]

On another thread I mentioned that a certain product from a seed company, an extremely hot--1 1/2 million Scoville units, to be precise--extract of hot peppers could be repackaged and made into a splendid tool of revenge. At $50 a bottle, that stuff--aptly named Da Bomb The Final Solution--could be used for SG purposes. Wouldn't take much, either--about a teaspoon or two of that stuff in a drink, and the thieving SG would have their guts pouring out in liquid form from their arsehole.

[turkeyham]

Have you seen the fake displays on the frozen lemonade carts? Looks like the real stuff, but it is plastic. I was mentioning to my friends, they should have the same plastic hard material in a soda and water bottles. You open the bottle and nothing comes out. :twisted:

I thought that would be cool. I am now seeing the vendors have the drink display right next to them. I remember a security officer at Knott's told us high school students to shake the soda bottles. It makes it clear to the guests, you steal and open it, you will have a nice t-shirt design.

[SlantedCastle]

"Sit wherever you want to"... never mind that the orange cones are blocking off an area where somebody just had a protein spill. Sure go ahead and sit there stupid!

"Smoke wherever you want to"... even though the tram and the monorail both inform you that there are designated smoking areas. So remember, when you are in a very crowded area, such as, in front of the Partner's Statue before the fireworks begin, go ahead and light 'em up so that we will all have to breath in your crap cigarette smoke. Thanks for the cancer crap head.

[turkeyham]

Lets sit in front of Rivers of America and lets see if Fantasmic appears on days that it does not show and if it is not showing throw a hissy fit at the security officers. We demand to see the show! We want it on Tuesday night now!!

What? I came this far to get a turkey leg? It is 8 am, I want a turkey leg! CM: Sorry, these carts don't usually star opening up until 10:45 am.

Why does all the resturants open at different times? I thought all of them open all at once. It is bad enough when they close at different times too.

Hey, if you want to see a theme park open all together, good luck!

[mechurchlady]

I opened the door to get silly string all over me. I peeled it of and threw it onto Calvin's head. Thus children I learned that there is a golden rule.

Do onto others as you like but they may not retaliate or do likewise onto you.

Children remember that proper ladies should wear short shorts, tight pants and blouses with little support. The proper size of pants for a man is based on the measurement UNDER his belly not above the belly button. Butt cracks are sexy so you should show those off and Bubba alway remember to wear clean underwear in case you get a wedgie. Wedgies are fun to give.

[BRWombat]

This seems like a good thread for this: from a classic column, the Rules according to Dave Barry:

[INDENT]OK, here are the rules:

1. If there's a line, you get at the end of the line, and you wait your turn.

2. You own ONE place in the line. You do NOT have the right to invite friends to join you in the line. This is rude to the people behind you, who got there before your friends, and will now have to wait longer. If you want to be with your friends, you can join them at the back of the line. And, no, it's not enough to ask the person immediately behind you if it's OK for your friends to butt in. This person does not speak for the entire line. Also this person pretty much has to say yes, but only because he or she, being less rude than you, wants to avoid confrontation.

EXCEPTION: You may invite an immediate family member such as your spouse or child to join you in the line. There are no other exceptions.

EXCEPTION: Halle Berry.

3. If you're one of those people who go directly to the front of the line and either pretend you don't see the line, or act as though you some-how KNOW that your situation is more urgent than that of anybody else waiting, and somebody in line objects, and you make some vague apology but remain at the front of the line, you will rot in hell. Also the cashier will hate you, although generally he or she will say nothing, as cashiers don't get paid enough to argue with jerks.

4. If you're in a supermarket checkout line, and you realize that you forgot an item, you're allowed to go get it, provided that (1) you apologize to the people behind you, (2) you know exactly where the item is and (3) you hurry. If you forgot TWO items, take your cart out of line. You are NOT allowed to leave your cart blocking the line while you wander the aisles trying to recall the ingredients for Beef Tongue Flambeau.

NOTE: Before you serve beef tongue to innocent people, you should think about the kinds of things that cows lick.

5. If you're in the express lane, and the sign says 10 ITEMS OR LESS, then you should have no more than ... OK, we'll allow 12 items. We're not Nazis here.

EXCEPTION: Halle Berry can have as many items as she wants.

6. At a movie theater, you may save seats for a few people if the theater is not crowded. If the theater is crowded, you may save seats only if the people you're saving them for are on the premises, defined as ''in the building or the parking lot.'' If the previews of coming attractions have started, and the theater is filling up, and you're still defending seats for theoretical people who have not yet arrived, and an actual person attempts to sit down, and you hiss ''That's saved,'' and the person ''accidentally'' trips and spills that stanky movie-theater nacho cheese all over your hair, and you press assault charges, and we get selected to serve on the jury, we're voting for acquittal.

7. Do not talk during the movie unless you have something important to say. (Example: ''My water just broke.'' ) You may talk quietly during the previews of coming attractions.

EXCEPTION: Halle Berry.

8. At class plays, music recitals, graduations, etc., you may save a few seats for your IMMEDIATE FAMILY, and then only for a reasonable time. You may not arrive an hour early and squat at the end of a row, or even two rows, and save large blocs of seats for relatives so distant that some of them are not even vertebrates.

NOTE: This rule applies even if you have turned the seating area into an indoor yard sale by marking each ''saved'' seat with a personal item such as a sweater, purse, sock, brassiere, etc.

EXCEPTION: If we see a seat marked by dentures, we're sitting somewhere else.

9. If you're talking on your cell phone in public, and people keep glancing at you, it's not because they're impressed by the fact that you are a busy, productive person. It's because YOU'RE TALKING TOO LOUD.

10. (This rule was suggested by our Research Department, Judi Smith, who one day will open fire with a machine gun in a public restroom.) If you're a woman using a toilet, and, because you are dainty and fastidious, you elect not to sit on the seat, but instead hover over it like a UFO from the Planet Weewee, and as a result you spatter the seat, do NOT just leave your mess, as if no human will ever use this toilet again. CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF.

EXCEPTION: Sorry, Halle. Judi says you, too.[/INDENT]

[hobie16]

Halle Berry maybe. Jeanne Tripplehorn for sure!

[GRUMPY PIRATE]

Halle Berry maybe. Jeanne Tripplehorn for sure!

I can think of a few, but very few!!!


hehehehe

I have gotten several of his books as gifts (not the Peter Pan, but I have those too!), It always makes me laugh when reading them!!

[Manetoys]

Trash may be left anywhere. After all, Snow White's wishing well KINDA looks like a trash can. Just a little

[Malpass93]

6. Boys can pee anywhere. So if nature calls, any bush is good for it. After all who needs bathrooms!

It's not just the lads...