Nobody Disciplines their Kids

[EeyoresButterfly]

I guess with the spanking kid I come from a slightly different background. I have undergone the training to be a foster parent, and you are not allowed to spank any child who is a ward of the state. (Most of the children have been abused.) Many foster children have some incredibly negative behaviors (not just plain defiance, but aggressiveness, destructiveness, etc. Well beyond the realm of normal). We were taught discipline techniques to work with the children. Some of these children will unfortunately always be out of control because of their pscyhological issues stemming from the abuse and neglect they've suffered (such as Reactive Attachment Disorder), but most respond well. If a child with those kinds of behaviors responds to discipline techniques other than spanking, the average child should too.

Then again, most parents haven't had this training. We tend to use the same discipline methods are parents used. I wasn't spanked, and that's probably the other reason I don't really agree with it. Even though I don't agree with it, as long as you are not physically hurting the child I will tolerate it.

[joanna71985]

My favorite story from my father's childhood is his mother's method of correcting his habit of calling his older brother a "liar". My grandmother had him write, 'I shall strike the nomenclature prevaricator from my vocabulary' 100 times. He had to tell her what it meant. If he didn't know what the words meant, he had to look it up. He never did this again! ;)

Well, that's one way to get that to stop. ;)

[Shorty82]

The only thing I didn't agree with the way the woman handled the situation was when she told him that if he didn't stop kicking the chairs, I was going to call the police. I don't like when parents place me in that situation, I'm not going to agree with them when they want me to say that, and I think it just makes it harder for the kids to understand that the police are there to help them when they need it, not to punish them when they're naughty.

God I hate it when they do that! A woman did it today when I was at a cart. She just bought her kid a hat and he started getting fussy. She made a comment that if he didn't calm down I would take the hat back. Annoyed me to no end when she said that. If she told him she was going to take the hat away I would have had no problem but the way she said made me to be the bad guy.

I've had parents try to get me to lie to their kids before too (such as to tell them I'm closing up or whatever). I flat out refuse to do so. If you don't want to buy your kid something fine just don't try to make me the bad guy.

[felinefan]

I read somewhere once that the squeal of a pig is as loud as a jet plane at take-off, making pigs the loudest creatures on earth. I'll bet a screaming, crying kid ranks right up there. You try ignoring that--your nerves will fray long before the kid is too tired to continue. Makes me wonder who really writes these child-rearing books.

[EeyoresButterfly]

Obviously it's not applicable to all situations- but this is one technique we use in classrooms to stop problem behaviors. It's basically weighing short term discomfort over longterm gain. In some situations the trade off is worth it, in others it is not. This tends to be used when other behavioral interventions are not working well. This is not from any child rearing book but straight from Behavior Modification models in psychology. This is what is known as a research based practice, part of the requirement of NCLB (everything teachers do must be research based.)

[joanna71985]

I've had parents try to get me to lie to their kids before too (such as to tell them I'm closing up or whatever). I flat out refuse to do so. If you don't want to buy your kid something fine just don't try to make me the bad guy.

Man I HATE that! I can't tell you how many times I was made out to be (or attempted to be) the bad guy with the characters.

[KingdomKat]

I think most parents these days lose sight of the long term goal - to raise their children to be independant, self sufficient, responsible, respectful adults. Most kids today are living without discipline, rules and bounderies. Can you imagine what our lives will be like in 10-15 years when these kids reach adulthood. We are already seeing the negative effects of this permissive, "I want my kid to like me" attitude represented in the actions of countless teens working in various service industries. Uh oh, we're screwed.
~Kat~

[BRWombat]

I think most parents these days lose sight of the long term goal - to raise their children to be independant, self sufficient, responsible, respectful adults. Most kids today are living without discipline, rules and bounderies. Can you imagine what our lives will be like in 10-15 years when these kids reach adulthood. We are already seeing the negative effects of this permissive, "I want my kid to like me" attitude represented in the actions of countless teens working in various service industries. Uh oh, we're screwed.
~Kat~

Well said. One of my friends put it this way: "My job as a parent is to put myself out of a job," meaning that when her kids were babies she did everything for them, but she was to actively teach them and train them as they aged not to need her to do things for them any more. Like you said, independent, self sufficient, responsible, respectful adults.

[ktulu]

I think most parents these days lose sight of the long term goal - to raise their children to be independant, self sufficient, responsible, respectful adults. Most kids today are living without discipline, rules and bounderies. Can you imagine what our lives will be like in 10-15 years when these kids reach adulthood. We are already seeing the negative effects of this permissive, "I want my kid to like me" attitude represented in the actions of countless teens working in various service industries. Uh oh, we're screwed.
~Kat~

Here is a glimpse of what will happen. You can google for more news stories on these two pieces of work.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=COOKf3V5U6M

[EeyoresButterfly]

:mad: :mad: :mad: