Nobody Disciplines their Kids

[EeyoresButterfly]

We wonder why people feel so entitled these days... well I just found the answer.

On evil board X a parent was asking if it was permissable for a student to stand in a corner facing the wall. This is actually a good discipline technique as it removes the reinforcer of stimulation and gives the child a chance to calm themselves. Our school uses a variation of this called a "safe spot". If used correctly, it is a good consequence for negative behavior. Before the OP ever explained the situation, other people chimed in saying that it was cruel, and in one state is child abuse! According to one poster, kids who are sent to a time out spot should be given things to color. How is this punishment?!

Once the OP explained the situation, it became clear that what happened to her son is unacceptable. But removing kids from the reinforcement of attention and stimulation is just plain good discipline. users were saying that a child should not be in a position where the rest of the class cannot see them or vice versa. Argh! It's parents like these that drive teachers out of the profession. They have no background in child psychology, classroom management, or teaching, but pretend to know it all and criticize everything we do.

[felinefan]

I've heard of parents who think it's child abuse to make the child perform chores, ask permission, or have any rules. What planet are these freaking parents coming from????

[Big Wallaby]

Sadly, we're still dealing with parents now who, by and large, can't say "no" to their kids, and so many in the school system reinforce this by telling kids that if their parents discipline them, it's abuse. Boy, did my brother get an interesting lesson when my parents popped him and he called the police...

[SRT_GB]

Totally agree lots of parents these days don't want to discipline their kids or even tell them no. I saw it all the time when I worked at DLR, I see it all the time now that I'm a parent myself. I think it's because either the parent(s) work long hours just to make ends meet (not always their fault) and don't have the strength or will power left to discipline the kids or tell them no, or because the parents are simply too involved in themselves to care or want to deal with the ensuing hissyfit that will come after telling the child "no", having been raised in the "me first" generation themselves. Either way, the answer becomes to simply sit the kids in front of Nickelodeon or a video game and be done with them.

I also see this as a cause for the increase in childhood obesity and all the stuff that goes along with that. Now I'll be the first to admit that my family is not the model of healthy living. But it truly appalls me when I see kids drinking soda out of baby bottles, drinking coffee, eating adult-sized portions at McDonald's, playing video games in church, etc. All because the parents don't want to tell the kid no; they just want to appease him/her and be done with it.

I do know parents who discipline their kids effectively without having to resort to spanking, etc., by setting rules, giving the child responsibilities, rewarding good behavior, and using the time-out when the rules are violated. It's unfortunate that the term "abuse" has such a broad meaning with no clear boundaries that it's often, well, abused.

I had a friend from college who went on to teach in NYC public schools and he once reported that they can't even make kids sit in the hallway when they've been disruptive (cruel punishment), and when kids get suspended they still have to come to school (also cruel punishment, plus fear they'll get arrested or killed on the streets).

[Mayonnaise]

My school had "In School Suspension" too. I didn't think it was such a bad idea. I mean, if you suspend a kid and they stay home, they're probably gonna think it's a vacation. If you suspend them and put them in a classroom alone with a monitor (and other kids on suspension) and nothing to do but make up work sent by their teachers, not allowed to talk to one another or eat lunch in the cafeteria... well that's no fun at all, so the message gets thru.

In regards to the OP... giving them coloring activities? Really? Isn't that a REWARD? It was in my school. You get your work done before the class time is up and you get to color... not cause you were bad and got sent to the corner.

8^S

[hobie16]

Sadly, we're still dealing with parents now who, by and large, can't say "no" to their kids, and so many in the school system reinforce this by telling kids that if their parents discipline them, it's abuse. Boy, did my brother get an interesting lesson when my parents popped him and he called the police...

My oldest daughter came home from school one day and announced all the kids had been given an 800 number to call if they were ever abused at home. I looked her in the eye and said, "You'll never make it to the phone."

That was the end of that.

[dancinghomer]

My school had "In School Suspension" too. I didn't think it was such a bad idea. I mean, if you suspend a kid and they stay home, they're probably gonna think it's a vacation. If you suspend them and put them in a classroom alone with a monitor (and other kids on suspension) and nothing to do but make up work sent by their teachers, not allowed to talk to one another or eat lunch in the cafeteria... well that's no fun at all, so the message gets thru.

I think thats a great concept. I never understood the point of "you did something bad at school....go home and think about it for a week", especially when it involves kids up to middle school. Thats just a vacation as you stated it.

There were kids in my school district who started to get suspended from school just so they could have a break.

[joanna71985]

On evil board X a parent was asking if it was permissable for a student to stand in a corner facing the wall. This is actually a good discipline technique as it removes the reinforcer of stimulation and gives the child a chance to calm themselves. Our school uses a variation of this called a "safe spot". If used correctly, it is a good consequence for negative behavior. Before the OP ever explained the situation, other people chimed in saying that it was cruel, and in one state is child abuse! According to one poster, kids who are sent to a time out spot should be given things to color. How is this punishment?!

Maybe if some parents knew how to say "no", there wouldn't be some of the problems we see today.

And I don't see anything wrong with a "time-out" area.

[Big Wallaby]

Yup, he made the call, the police showed up, told him he deserved it, and told him if he ever called them again for my parents swatting him (which they very rarely did), that they would take him to protection that can only be found at the county jail in a cell with Bubba.

Never had to deal with that again.

[ktulu]

I hate getting the stares when I have to dicipline my oldest daughter in public. She is 2 (almost 3), she is going to mis-behave. It sucks, you tell em no and she screams, getting the stink eye from people who don't want to hear a screaming kid. If you give them everything they turn into spoiled brats and you get the stink eye from people who (rightfully) complain about spoiled kids. When we do have to tell her no and she screams, I get on her level, make her look at me, tell her to calm down and then explain to her why. If that doesn't work and she keeps going, then it is time to go to the car/bathroom.