McDonald's Vs. Obesity

Freak · Post by **Freak** » Wed Mar 17, 2004 3:01 pm

MCDONALD'S VS. OBESITY
By Aaron Stoker-Ring

McDonald's has announced plans to phase out its "super-size" menu options by the end of the year amid growing concern over the US obesity epidemic. In the coming weeks, the fast food giant will announce the following additional measures:

1. Turning Ronald McDonald into an evil clown who chases children from the restaurant.

2. Instead of asking, "How can I help you," have counter help ask, "How can I hasten your death?"

3. Offering Atkins-approved menu items like cheese shakes and bacon double bacon.

4. Allowing Mayor McCheese to perform gay marriages.

5. Hire morbidly obese counter help to make customers feel slimmer.

6. Replacing the Hamburglar with the more health conscious, white-collar criminal, the Hambezzler.

7. Replacing the cow anuses and lips in the burgers with leaner cuts like ears and hooves.

8. Admitting that Grimace is a diabetic.

9. A massive advertising campaign that places the blame for obesity squarely on the media.

10. Posting signs that say: No shoes, no shame, no service.

Thanks to Comedy Central Cheat Sheet E-Mailer

IndyBob · Post by **IndyBob** » Wed Mar 17, 2004 4:28 pm

Not only are they phasing out there Super Size option, but they are introducing an adult meal (be it a happy meal I don't know) which will include a salad, some sort of fruit option, and a few other low fat alternatives. But what I was wondering, if they do call it the adult "happy" meal, will it end up coming with an adult toy as well :shock: ? Just something to ponder.

DisneyPrincess · Post by **DisneyPrincess** » Wed Mar 17, 2004 11:37 pm

Adult toys, that could be interesting ;)

SpaceRanger · Post by **SpaceRanger** » Thu Mar 18, 2004 12:14 am

IndyBob wrote:Not only are they phasing out there Super Size option, but they are introducing an adult meal (be it a happy meal I don't know) which will include a salad, some sort of fruit option, and a few other low fat alternatives. But what I was wondering, if they do call it the adult "happy" meal, will it end up coming with an adult toy as well :shock: ? Just something to ponder.

hmm... anyone else have a sudden craving for McD's?

actually... I have a friend that's going to massage school. She stopped at BK on the way to class like a month or so ago and got a kids meal with the toy... well her instructor took it away cuz it looked to much like a sex toy

DisneyPrincess · Post by **DisneyPrincess** » Thu Mar 18, 2004 7:49 am

SpaceRanger wrote:... well her instructor took it away cuz it looked to much like a sex toy

That's pretty funny :)

goose · Post by **goose** » Sun Mar 21, 2004 12:29 am

I'm so sick of the media constantly talking about the rise in obesity. Shut up! There isn't one obese American that thinks oreos, icecream, and steak are low in calories. If a man or a woman is obese that is there choice. They can change it if they really wanted to but most of them don't. It is that choice that shortens their life span. End of story.

I care much more about innocent people that are dying everyday. Like those involved in drunk driving accidents.

techie-13 · Post by **techie-13** » Sun Mar 21, 2004 10:53 am

I'm not what you would call overweight but thanks to that Body Mass Index, the weight that I and my doctor would have previously called a healthy weight, now means that I'm obese. :roll: The Body Mass Index does not take into account the fact that muscle weighs more than fat. And I agree that the media hype over the rise in obesity is really annoying.

SpaceRanger · Post by **SpaceRanger** » Sun Mar 21, 2004 10:56 am

goose wrote:I'm so sick of the media constantly talking about the rise in obesity. Shut up! There isn't one obese American that thinks oreos, icecream, and steak are low in calories. If a man or a woman is obese that is there choice. They can change it if they really wanted to but most of them don't. It is that choice that shortens their life span. End of story.

I care much more about innocent people that are dying everyday. Like those involved in drunk driving accidents.

A huge DITTO... Me and a friend of mine who works at Knotts got into a discussion the other night about stupid guests who are too impatient to wait 3 minutes for a fresh item... like with funnel cakes. You'll have some on display that have been there at LEAST since that morning, sometimes since three days ago, and there will be a 2 minute wait while more are cooked... then the guest starts arguing about wanting the display (NO... trust me, you don't want it, no matter how hungry you think you are)... and these are usually the guests who shouldn't be eatting that stuff anyway. Sometimes I wish I could just tell them to shut up and either wait for their funnel patiently or go find themselves a damn apple instead.

VonSeegs · Post by **VonSeegs** » Sun Mar 21, 2004 9:25 pm

IndyBob wrote:I was wondering, if they do call it the adult "happy" meal, will it end up coming with an adult toy as well :shock:

So many things just raced through my mind and not one of them are remotely appropriate for, I dunno, life. I'll just leave you with this...

God bless Lolita.