A Coming of Age Story

[200footdrop]

The impression I get from reading this post is that you seem to believe that every rape is a male forcing himself on a female, which is pretty offensive to males in general, especially males that are not rapists. A quick check of dictionary.com yields this definition: "any act of sexual intercourse that is forced upon a person." I don't see anything there about the gender of the rapist, or the gender of the victim.

Not to mention men that have been raped by women.

[GRUMPY PIRATE]

Well, sure, anyone can learn that kind of stuff ....



I've known over two dozen women IRL who were raped -- .

Yes, you CAN learn about this, rather than pretending its a societies fault and burying your head in the sand. it is amazing at some of the reactions that the women (and men) have when listening to a convicted rapists "method" of getting a victim. Forewarned is forearmed.

and if you really know that many women who hve been sexually assaulted and not reported it to the police, then do the right thing and convince them to report it, no matter how long a time has transpired, because they may be saving a FUTURE victim from the same ordeal, or help to convict a serial offender.

[shilohmm]

The impression I get from reading this post is that you seem to believe that every rape is a male forcing himself on a female, which is pretty offensive to males in general, especially males that are not rapists.

I am sorry I gave that impression. I don't believe that, actually, although as a female, I have known many more female victims than male, most of whom dealt with male perpetrators, so I have done more thinking on that dynamic and use that phrasing. I also know more about the specific dynamics of male-on-female rape, so that's what I talk about, especially when that seems to be the subject I'm replying to. I should be more aware, and I apologize.

But to clarify, I believe that most rape, whatever the sex of victim or perpetrator, goes back to a belief that some people have the right to use force on others, either to use others as they wish, or to make other people behave a certain way. I also think our culture's tolerance for bullying is grounded in a lot of the same assumptions, partly because kids who are bullied are also blamed for the bullying, questioned as to how they "brought it on themselves," etc. etc. It's the same dynamic in a different venue. Whether it's bullying or rape, it's a tolerance for people with more power abusing people with less power, often on the grounds that the person with less power has violated social norms. For all Americans claim to appreciate diversity and equality, a lot of Americans, and a lot of American subcultures, have a strict hierarchy where the people at the top get to do things not tolerated in the people in the bottom, and where a strict conformity to this system is not merely expected but demanded.

I'm not opposed to hierarchy per se, but to hierarchical systems where different levels have different rights. And I'm not opposed to force per se, either -- I never had any problems with picking up my kids when they needed restraint, and I didn't hesitate to defend others, either. But in the case of a lot of rapes and most bullying, force is being used to either create or maintain status, or to punish those who refuse to conform to someone's preferred status system, and I have huge problems with that. I do recognize that there are profound differences between rape and bullying, and I apologize to anyone who finds that comparison offensive. But to me, in both cases, the abusers are grounded in a lot of the same assumptions; and plenty of people who aren't rapists or bullies still agree with those basic assumptions, while thinking rapists and bullies go too far. While I may focus on one particular dynamic, I don't see rape as just a male/female thing by any means. It's much more about seeing some people as worthy equals, and others as someone to be used or controlled, and that's not a sex-specific system of beliefs.

[PatchOBlack]

I'm going to potentially be unpopular and say that yes, there are ways for a person to dress (and act) that many people will interpret as looking for...how shall I put this...a casual partner to spend the evening with. That being said, however, whether one dresses or acts in such a fashion does not mean it absolves another from committing an act of sexual violence. It is a bit like, if you leave your front door unlocked, it may make it easier for someone to trespass and steal, but it doesn't mean they are not guilty of the crimes, nor that you are to blame for what happened.