my unipolar depression dx will not be down for breakfast...

[February]

thanks Rosie and Planner, hugs right back at ya, i appreciate all the good thoughts.

gawd, what a week.

disneymom, it definitely sounds like you know where I'm at. i can't have the hormones because of my stroke history- the ablation i fear would be a disaster given my collagen/vascular issues with the marfan-like thing I have (remember what happened when they tried to do standard eye surgery on me- i'm terrified that my uterus will pucker like a raisin if they try the ablation on it and sorry gents if that's TMI) i'm at my wits end here.

hobie, before i got to 'those' issues i had to back off on the iron because it just tied my stomach in knots and i couldn't eat at all. so now i'm forcing fluids to get back from the dehydration, in addition to the rest.

i am really, really ready to hold up that coyote's sign now.

yesterday i couldn't sit up or walk across the room without help. at least today i'm holding my head up long enough to come here and tell ya'll how much i love you and how really much i appreciate every time you leave a post here. even just a sentence really does help. i know you guys all have your own issues too healthwise and otherwise and that you care enough to say something to me when im' whining really means a lot.

it's just been such a long haul the past few years. i just want a break, just for a little while.

and i'm missing spring for the second time this year. was supposed to be enjoying it in the southern hemisphere about now and instead the leaves are dying at my feet. :(

god, i am a ray of sunshine today, huh? lol. maybe i need to wear the pink shoes around the house for awhile, even if with my pajamas.

love ya all
bru

ps promise i'll post ya'll some new artwork soon at least to make up for all my moaning. soon as i can scan it. nothing disney related (yet) but i've a longing to try painting a certain epcot resort that has stolen my heart (and where i hope to get to stay someday...)

[DonutGoddess]

February, maybe it's time you tell your doctor what you want. If you know you need the hysterectomy then keep asking for it. I hope you feel better soon.

[DisneyMom]

Hope You are Feeling Better Bru! It sounds very rough right now. Maybe the Doc can research what happens for others with collagen issues and ablation? At any rate, won't imagine they'll be able to do anything until your blood count is up, so hope you can get that straightened out. Thinking of you!

[BRWombat]

I can't wait to see the new artwork, Bru -- that always brightens my day! Know that you have a friendly, singing marsupial barrister in Texas thinking about you and praying for you.

[Main Streeter]

bru, don't sing, not in Texas, but I am friendly & thinking of you. Sry Wombat. Am tired. Needed an intro.

[delsdad]

Bru

You are not whining! Sharing these sorts of details with friends is considered venting, at least up here in Canada. And no one will judge you for venting when you need to. You are one of the bravest people I know, and your health care journey is inspiring to those of us who know you and follow your journey.
Vent away!

Would that resort you speak of be the Beach Club? We are there at the villas for 4 nights in April. Looking forward to our first stay there .


I am eagerly awaiting seeing more of your artwork!

[Big Wallaby]

I can't wait to see the new artwork, Bru -- that always brightens my day! Know that you have a friendly, singing marsupial barrister in Texas thinking about you and praying for you.

Don't forget Photoshopping! Which also means we are going to need a picture of this description you have made.

February, what can I say? After your trip to Florida for the sole purpose of being there for Cast Members... You are not related to any, you only had a few friends in the department at the time, though many others through this site in other areas... But you came to be support at a time when it was greatly needed. How many others were there that did that, who went to the events of that time, who simply went around to give love to those in need... who while in the parks for the few days they could be was NOT on vacation in any sense of the word, even in the midst of going through stuff for which I bet few of us on this site have the strength to get through? Who was it who, when they got home, because of the things she did to support us, the Cast Members of Disney World, went through even more discomfort and downright pain, gladly doing it because she needed to be support for us? There is one person in the world who did all that. Only one person made that sacrifice. Not even people who oversee what we do from far away (who should have at least made an appearance, write a letter, SOMETHING. No one else. You. In the entire world of six billion people, one had the compassion to, knowing she would create a time of more misery than she has ever deserved, but sucked it up to come be with us, doing more activity in a week to be supportive than some who are paid to do stuff like that.

So when you come here in need of support... You'd better not believe that any of us see it as moaning.

[February]

Where is the frigging KLEENEX!!!

*SOB*

I love you guys.

okay. can't see screen.

going to dry eyes now, or try to, but damn, Wallaby.

I am printing that out and putting it somewhere where I can see it, because you have no idea just how much, of all weeks, this week I needed that.

and you know what?

I wish I'd never had to do it at all, but you know if i had to do it over, i'd do everything, just the same.

love you guys. a LOT.

~bru

[GaTechGal]

Hugs Bru. Praying for you and hoping that you and the docs work something out. And only do that painting if you feel up to it and it makes YOU feel better. We all love them, but it's really all for you. {{hugs}}

[February]

thanks so much GAtech. been wanting to get another disney painting going for so long and slowly but surely (until last night when it really took off...) i am working on one...check out my new avatar for a peek at the lower right corner of the canvas (this one's huge, there will be no scanning it this time!) it's still in progress...

as far as an update on other stuff- i'm frustrated with my therapist, frustrated with my pdoc (that's official crazyperson speak for my shrink) and the medical care system in which if i were on medicaid (I am not, i am on ssd which i earned with my own work record) they'd pay for more of the day-program type stuff i know i need right now but since i'm not, they won't pay a dime so i can't get any more group therapy right now, which i think i really need.

it's so frustrating to tell these people 'i need help' and have them just shrug or ignore you. i'm so newly dx'd with this whole bipolar thing, i feel like i've been set out to sea in a dinghy before they taught me to tie my first sailor's knot (and i apologize if i'm repeating my metaphors- brain lock up again.)

i'm on the waiting list to get back in to see the pdoc again but as it stands i'm not set to see him until mid DECEMBER!!! :(

so that's that. taking my meds, trying to keep a schedule (they say that's vital) and pumping the vitamins and decent food to try to get my blood count back up since i'm not making any progress finding any help from the med docs on that score either.

frustrating. right now i'm taking it one hour at a time (sometimes less) and i sure am grateful for my wonderful friends here.

loves ya'll bunches. wish i could send you all a copy of this painting when it's done but again- too big to scan. i think some of you might really like it though- i hope. it's almost to that point (where i get with all my paintings) where i really hate it before it's finished (my therapist in fact told me the other day that there was nothing wrong with taking a razor blade to it like i felt like doing if i was that upset that my hotel in the lower left is a little crooked. hmmm...)

i chose to try to balance it out a little with landscaping instead. but hell, if it's crooked, it's crooked...

hope you are all having good weeks. feel free to check in here and tell me how you've been doing cause i do wanna know. (and Wallaby we should talk soon!)

will show you guys the finished product, no matter how the art turns out, when it's done. biggest canvas i've ever attempted working on- it's 24X30 I think...and it's the first time i've painted a monorail that i didn't absolutely hate. so that's good i think...

xoxo
bru