Snappy answers to Stupid Guests

[Syndrome]

Q: Will my child be scared?
A: I would be if I was your child

ROFL!!!!!!

[Pinoy_Stitch_84]

Stupid Guest: Is this ride scary?
Cast Member: What are you afraid of?

Stupid Guest: Fobluhbluhblahrerererereiiiihi
Cast Member: Sir, I don't understand [insert language], please speak English.

Stupid Guest: I know he's too short, but we'll hold him
Cast Member: I don't want your son to die and I don't think you want that either

Stupid Guest: Why is there a height requirement?
Cast Member: Because we don't want anyone to die

[ziggyfmt]

SG: Is this a good ride/show?
CM: Actually, it's horrible, but we just are too lazy to close it so we come in and work here in hopes that they come up with something better to put here.

SG: Where is a good place to see the parade?
CM: Somewhere along the parade route.
SG: Where does the parade go?
CM: Look for the dotted red line and the mass groups of people already in the best spots because the parade already started.
SG: What time did it start?
CM: 10 minutes ago...now 15 minutes ago because you were too stupid to figure it out yourself and had to ask me and waste time for both of us.

[Pinoy_Stitch_84]

SGT: Is this a ride?
CM: Are you a jackass?

SGT: Where are the closest restrooms?
CM: Find a bush and do it there.

SGT: Is this a scary ride?
CM: You had kids, you should know what a scary ride is.

SGT: Is this ride appropriate for children?
CM: Is it appropriate for a dumbass like you to be here?

[BRWombat]

SGT: Where are the closest restrooms?
CM: Find a bush and do it there.

Don't encourage them.

[Syndrome]

SG: Is this a good ride/show?
CM: Actually, it's horrible, but we just are too lazy to close it so we come in and work here in hopes that they come up with something better to put here.

But wouldn't this one now be true for the current travesty that they call "Journey into Imagination"? (and for Stitch, too, for that matter!)

[LMARules!]

Guest - Where is Lights Motors Action?
Me (as greeter) - *simply turns around and stares at the 40 foot marquee 15 feet in front of us.

Guest - (in stroller parking lot) Where do I park my stroller?

Guest - Where can I get the monorail to EPCOT from here (MGM - Studios)
Me - I'm sorry, the monorail does not run to MGM
Guest - Last time I was here, I took the monorail to MGM from Epcot
Me - I'm sorry ma'am, you must be mistaken, there is a 5 minutes boat ride out front that will take you to EPCOT
Guest - I want to take the monorail!
Me - Go to Epcot!
Guest - But I don't want to go to EPCOT!

(standing in stairway blocking stairway and guiding people to the next stairway in the seating area. A woman proceeds to try to climb over me)

Me - I'm sorry ma'am you can't go up here at this time. Can I please ask you to proceed to the next stairway to take your seat.
Guest - I'm sorry I don't speak English my apologies (in Perfect English with absolutely no accent)
Me - *Laughs in her face*

Guest - What kind of attraction is this?
Me - This is a car/motorcycle/jet-ski stunt show done by professionals. It's similar to Indiana Jones, as you simply sit and watch the show.
Guest - How far does this ride go
Me - The cars can reach speeds of up to 35 mph performing incredibly dangerous pinpoint maneouvers.
Guest - But how fast do we go?
Me - You don't go fast, you sit and watch the show.
Guest - So it's not a ride?

Guest - (holding a fastpass with the return time on it) what time do we come back to see the show?

That's all I can think of for now

[bpgstudios]

SG ( after waiting 20 minutes for Mickey's PhilharMagic to CM in lobby): What is this?
CM: This? Oh it's a high speed thrilling ride through the dark with sudden drops and stops. Oh, and its all backwards.

Coming down the ramp into Philhar lobby...
SG: Where do we go? (looking around at all the other people waiting in the lobby)
CM: because you're so special, you get to go through that little door that says "EXIT"!
OR: your gonna keep walking straight until you see a wall. make a u-turn, head straight for 30 feet. make a left, and keep walking until you run into someone.
I *wish* these were my responses :p:

[ThunderCat]

Posted before (in the "Here's Your Disney Sign" thread, but)...

SG: (in the BTMR queue) Is this Frontierland?
CM: Nope. This is Tomorrowland and I'm the Space Cowboy. Some people call me Maurice. Now excuse me while I speak of the pompitous of love.

SG: Is this a good/bad ride?
CM: We don't have any "bad" rides here. (Ok, this one I actually use.)

SG: Is this ride scary?
CM: It's the most horrifying, terrifying ride ever to spring forth from the mind of modern man! (I also use this one. Most of the time the SG laughs and says, "Oh, he's so funny!" and walks in. If they complain later, I can tell them, "Well, I told you it was scary. I'm sorry if you didn't believe me.")

SG: Will my child be scared on this ride?
CM: Absolutely! Nightmares for months and therapy as an Adult. In fact, in the memoirs they write later in life, their trip on Big Thunder Mountain will form the basis for an entire chapter as well as an annotated addendum at the back.

DISLAIMER FOR THE HUMOR IMPARED: The questions are real. My responses unless stated otherwise are NOT.

[Driver_dylan]

Guest: (At LMA/ Studios) Is the whole row reserved?
Me: No, just every other seat. :D: