Here's Your Sign: The Disney Saga

[tenprincess]

This happened to my co-worker tonight, and it is just simply hillarious.
He was working in one of the theaters at Stitch, and he was clearing the theater at the end of the show when he noticed a woman who was still sitting in her seat. She then turned to him and asked when is the ride going to start...
Apparently she wasn't paying attention to the 20 min show she had just sat through.

HYS!

[BRWombat]

Sarcasm, I'm full of it. :p: it's all good

Same here. :D: :D: At least, people are always telling me I'm full of it. I'm sure that's what they mean, right???

[IndyandMarion]

JerseyBelle and Ten, your HYS's will be entered into the next installment:

Here's Your Sign: The Disney Saga Episode II: Attack of the Cloned Questions

[IndyandMarion]

UPDATE:

As the release of the book to the world draws near, the first book in the saga has recieved it's own cover which can be viewed through the attachment I supplied.

Text at the top of the photo reads:

I just hate stupid people. I think they should have to wear signs that say "I’m Stupid". That way you wouldn’t rely on them, you wouldn’t ask them anything because you’d turn to the person and say "Excuse me, Oh, sorry, didn’t see your sign."-Bill Engvall, Creator of "Here’s Your Sign"

And yes, the fonts for the cover you have seen:

Here's Your Sign=Mission: SPACE font
The Disney Saga=Disney Font
My Name=EPCOT Font

[IndyandMarion]

Below is the book that can be found in two places: Right here, The Coaster Break Room, and my computer...ok, so that's three but you get the point. Enjoy. This is our book. I introduced the site to the idea, but you guy's have made it what it is now.

StupidGuestTricks.com
The site where it all began. The safe haven for all CM’s to go and vent the hell out of anything that they dealt with at work...and not get in a lick of trouble because of it. A place to have fun and the only place where you can find, Here’s Your Sign: The Disney Saga....aside from the break room now.

"Here’s Your Sign" is most famous from one of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour guys, Bill Engvall. It’s the stupid answer to the stupid question, simple as that. Working here at the mouse house, you will run into that situation (I’ve done the research, it’s something you cannot run from). This "book" has grown to an enormous size thanks to SGT, simply because other CM’s continue to add to it. What you’re about to encounter is that very book. All of the questions are here in their original context, nothing has been changed.

Now obviously, we’ve got to stick with that whole "Guest courtesy" idea but listen, you can’t help it when some of these questions arise. Some of these answers may be "harsh" to an extent but realize this, it was all in a joking manor, the guest was informed of the situation and they were given the correct information....after they were handed their "I’m Stupid" sign. Most of these are my own personal encounters. However, this is a collection of questions from both WDW and Disneyland in California. There are occasional items in which a guest didn’t ask a stupid question, it’s just the way they stated their comment. One final note, these came from the website, so certain situations weren’t corrected (Because I didn’t change them...I had the time, just didn’t want to waste it changing the items) and may come across as odd in how they are worded.

CM=Cast Member

G=Guest

G: What time does the 3 o'clock parade start?

CM: At 4 o' clock (SHE WALKED AWAY)

G: Where is the Terminator Ride?
CM: Ok, lots of directions so you might want to write these down. Go to the exit of the park, go back to I-4 and go east bound...(This ride is at Universal Studios so, You know the rest)

G: Where is the Prime Time Caf[font=Times New Roman]é[/font]?
(This was actually given as the answer)CM : From here?
(This has to be the first time I have EVER run into a H.Y.S for an ANSWER.)

G: (Standing no more than ten feet away from a restroom) Where's the restroom?
CM: (Pointing in the opposite direction) Down the walk way to your right.

G: (This was a TEN MINUTE ARGUMENT) Where is the boat from MAGIC KINGDOM to UNIVERSAL STUDIOS?
CM: I believe the dock is at Animal Kingdom (The idiot, he lost the "Guest" status after the argument got passed the five second mark, finally gave up)

G: (While standing inside the shop) Where's the gift shop for Star Tours?
CM: (Look around the shop) Sorry sir/ma'am, we don't have one.

G: (In the shop) Is this the exit for Star Tours?
CM: No actually this is the entrance, the exit is over by the Tower of Terror

G: (No more than 20 feet away from the attraction) Where is Star Tours?
CM: Go back to the hat, walk down Mickey Ave. to Streets of America (recently changed from New York Street), walk to the end of that and make a right, then a left. (Basically, this gives them a tour of the park, and they finally end up at Star Tours)

G: Is Rock n’ Roller Coaster this way? (Pointing towards Star Tours area which is on the opposite side of the park)
CM: Yes

G: Is the Tower of Terror this way (Again pointing towards Star Tours area)
CM: We actually don't have that anymore, it was moved to Disneyland.

G: Do you have a map? (While standing in front of a stack)
CM: More important question, do you have a brain in your skull?

G: How do I get to the monorail to EPCOT? (Question asked at The Studios)
CM: I'm sorry, we just finished tearing that down.

I was walking by the Astro Orbiter (In Tomorrowland at Magic Kingdom) and I was hoping I had misheard the group wrong. Sure enough, they said what I heard:
G: Oh look! There's MISSION: SPACE! (An argument then started over the location of MS, which is located at EPCOT).

G: What is the wait time for Rockin Roller Coaster? (With a sign telling the time above them in bold letters saying "Wait Time" that clearly states 10 minutes)
CM: About 3 hours, give or take a day..

G: Where is the Backlot Express? (While HOLDING A MAP IN HER HAND, WITH IT OPEN, AND YES, STANDING IN FRONT OF THE BACKLOT EXPRESS)
CM: First thing, go to lost and found and see if they found your head!

G: How much is this? (WHILE THE PRICE TAG WAS IN FRONT OF HER ON THE ITEM!)
CM: Too expensive for you.

G: Do you think they'll have this hat at UNIVERSAL STUDIOS?CM: Before you look for that hat, Do they sell brains where you come from?



Father: (While at the Indiana Jones Outpost...yes, at the Studios) How do I get to the MGM Studios?
Daughter: Dad, we're at MGM
Father: No, we're at Universal right now
(I was passing through the shop) I have no comment for this, other than when I walked backstage, I pulled out my pistol (At the moment I was working at the Outpost), stuck it in my mouth and hoping it would somehow fire a bullet, pulled the trigger.

G: Where is the Prime Time Cafe (Again, with a map, open and in their hands...standing in front of the cafe...)
CM: Its at Downtown Disney.

G: (While at the Outpost, with a MAGIC KINGDOM MAP OPEN) Where is Tom Sawyers Island?
CM: Um, about 10, maybe 20 miles from here.

Announcement: " This tram goes to the main car parking lot and the complementary bus lot ONLY. We do not go to the Disney Buses" This is announced about five times. I over heard a guy in front of me ask his wife (I'm guessing)
G:"Does this go to the DISNEY BUSES?"

Guest 1: Guess how many people Animal Kingdom can hold.
Guest 2: How many?
Guest 1: about 40,000.
Guest 2: Oh? Here at Disney World in general
(I'm not even going to make one up. Just shoot her!!)

Outside of the River Rapids (A sign posted reads "Might Get SOAKED")
G: "Wow, lots of people are coming off here really wet"
CM: "Really? Wow, who would've thought you could get soaked on a RIVER RAPID WATER RIDE

G: "How do we get over to that area" (Pointing to Everest, which was clearly visible as being accessible to guests at the time)
CM: "Swim across the lake and hope you don't get caught"

G: Are you using these seats?"
G (No, this is not a typo):"Nope, we're just hoarding them in case there is a chair shortage"

G: (While waiting to escort the next wheelchair party, which was located near a concession stand) "Are you in line?"
CM: "Nope. Just a strange coincidence that I'm wearing the exact same thing as the people who work here"

Announcement: Due to inclimate weather, this performance of the Disney Stars and Motorcars Parade, has been cancelled.
G: "Why has the parade been cancelled?"
CM: "Because we didn't feel like having it"

28. *Stage manager comes on the intercom at Fantasmic*
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I do have some unwanted news. At this time, the show has been postponed due to lightning in the area. The reason because of this is for the safety of our cast and guests."
(Place was dead silence during the announcement) No more than 10 seconds later, I get the question...
"Why was the show delayed?"

G: "I have a question. What time do they roll the EPCOT ball out?"
CM: Sir, the Spaceship Earth is stationary
G: Yeah, what time do they bring it out?
CM: "6:30"

G:: Is this a ride?
CM: No this is a show we only call it The Great Movie Ride to confuse you.

G: Which way to the monorail?
CM: We dont have a monorail here at the Studios
G: Yes you do! I came here this morning on one!
CM: Oh, we tore that one down a few hours ago.
G: What?
CM: Here's Your Sign. Listen, You either drove, took a bus or took the boat to get here. We don't have a monorail here at the Studios.

From a friend at the Animation Tour shop
G: Can I get to the TERROR OF TOWER (What the guest actually called it) cutting through here?
CM: Sure, as long as you don't get caught.
G: Why? It shows a walkway leading from here to the Tower.
CM: Really? Can you show me on the map?
Guest :( Looked for it) Oh, I see the walkway now...

Same guy from earlier (About the monorail):
G: Is this the line for SpectroMagic? (Asking about the Line for Fantasmic....for those of you who aren't WDW savvy, SpectroMagic is a parade at Magic Kingdom...Fantasmic! is at the Studios....theres a 10-15 mile difference between the Studios and the MK park itself)
Me: Nope, this is the line for that monorail we tore down earlier.

G: Is there a parade? (People are lined up along the street)
CM: Nope, we just like to see how many people we can get to stand on the side of the street from time to time.

G: Is there a parade? (I know, same question, different situation)
(The parade is no more than 30 yards away from the location and the music is on)
CM: Nope, the streets on fire and we're clearing the street because of it.

G: Is Back to the Future near Tower of Terror.
CM: Sorta. Do you have a car?
G: What’s that got to do with anything?
CM: Because youll need to it drive to Universal to ride Back to the Future.

G: Ok, Im trying to get to Epcot. I know there's a monorail from Epcot to Magic Kingdom, but.
CM: STOP! Right there, the answer is no.
G: How rude, you dont even know what I was going to ask.
CM: Given the situation, your about to ask if we have one from the Studios to Epcot.
G: How did you know?
CM: Im physic, here's your sign.

-( From a friend) (At EPCOT at 7:30 pm)

G: Im trying to get to the monorail for Animal Kingdom to watch the fireworks at Animal Kingdom.
CM: Im sorry ma'ma but the monorail has stopped running due to technical problems and the fireworks were at 4:30....
G: Oh? I was over there around that time...
CM: Ugh. Ma'ma, there isnt a monorail at AK and there arent any fireworks due to the animals...
G: Is this Rock n Roller Coaster?
CM: Nope, this is actually Star Tours

G: Is the wait time actually ten minutes?
CM: Actually it was about thirty minutes ago, now its about an hour wait.

(In the courtyard there is a GIANT Les Paul for those of you who have never been to RRC. The arm of the guitar morphs outward into a track like look with a car at the end of the "track." The car never moves and it is clearly visible that it is not the coaster)
G: Is that part of the track?
CM:Yes, the track just magically appears out of no where at a certain point and then disappears again.

G: Is Aerosmith actually here everyday?
CM: Yes, Their career is completely finished so they come in every day and record songs here at the coaster.


G: Does this roller coaster have any loops? (After reading a sign saying that this ride contains high speed loops, sudden drops and stops.)
CM: Nope, as a matter of fact, this isn't even a roller coaster.
G:Does the Great American Adventure Ride have fastpass?
Now I thought she might have been talking about the American Adventure over at EPCOT (This was asked at MGM, Coaster). I thought for a moment seriously thinking she might be thinking about that or GMR.
CM: You sure thats the name?
G: Yes, it's here at MGM.
CM: It's not the American attraction at EPCOT?
G: No, ITS THE ONE HERE
CM: Ma'ma, we dont have a ride here at the Studios by that name
G: YES YOU DO IT'S BEHIND THE HAT.
So I proceeded to pull out a map sitting on top of the Fastpass machine and said "Ok, then please show me where it is on the map"
She searched for it and said thats it! (pointing to GMR).
CM: Ok, so your Great American Adventure Ride is the Great Movie Ride, no they dont have fastpass.

I was at the West Side one night when I called AAA because I had magically locked my keys in my car )Thank you car God( when the guy arrived I had a hanger in my window that a friend had with him and the guy asked "You the one that locked your keys in the car?"
"Nope, just washed it, gonna hang it up to dry.

I was back in Backlot area lookin at the Auto show in costume (Like three people from the coaster crew was over there printing up FP for Super Soaps) when I had this person come up to me and ask "Is this the new auto show?" (For those of you that don't know, the show's Marque in GIANT letters said LIGHTS, MOTORS, ACTION! Extreme Motor Stunt Show)
-Nope. This is the new stage for a combination of Fantasmic, Beauty and the Beast and the return of the Hunchback of Notre Dame.

-Super Soaps (Hell on earth for anyone who doesn't watch them Day) weekends: I had a guest ask me who was in a limo we sent around empty (aside from the actor). Im not one who watches soaps so I hadn't a clue. Anyways I told them that I didn't know other than it was some soap actor. "Really?"
Nope. It was the George Bush


G: Why is the wait 70 minutes?
CM: Because it is a busy day here at the Studios.
G: Why is it busy?
CM: Because it's Thanksgiving week and this is the beginning of the holiday season for us.
G: Is it really 70 minutes?
CM: Nope, it's really only 25, we're just testing you.
G:Why is there a lot of people in line?
CM: Because it's a busy day....(In my head)there wouldn't be a lot of people, but we heard you were coming and grabbed hundreds of people and put them in line before you got here.
NOTE: EVERY ONE OF THE QUESTIONS...CAME FROM THE SAME PERSON!

G: Is it really a (Enter wait time) wait?
CM: Nope, it's really about 5 hours longer.

G: Why aren't there any fastpasses?
CM: Because we have given the amount we distribute every day out.
G:Will there be any more today?
CM: No. We have given them all out for the Coaster.
G: So there won't be any for the other attractions?
CM: Let me consult my magic 8 ball....for you, all signs point to no. (Actual answer: Can't say for sure)

G: Are the machines down (About fastpass, a sign saying the reason why we dont have any more, all of them have been given out for the day)?
CM: Nope, we're just done for the day.
G: So they'll be up later today?
CM: Nope, we're getting ready to tear them down right now.

G: Fastpass return?
CM: No, it's over there (This was at Stand by)
G: But the sign says this is return
CM: (To myself, in my head)Go back to school and learn how to read you idiot. (Actual answer, no sir, it's over there where it states Fastpass Return)

G: (Second part of child swap, fastpass was a little backed up) How long is the wait for Fastpass
CM: About ten minutes, eh, fifteen tops.
G: No it's not, I just waited in line for 40 mins.
CM: (In my head, again) Notice you waited in stand by! He isn't. You want to judge wait times, get a job here.


G: Is this the tower of terror (At Rock n Roller Coaster...standing at Studio C)?
CM: Nope, this is actually the muppets 3-D

G: Is the the exit for the roller coaster? (Standing at the ENTRACE OF COASTER)
CM:Nope, this is actually the exit for Tower of Terror
G: (After the speil says "Sharp drops, sudden drops and upside down manuevers) Does this go upside down?
CM: Nope, its all just one straight peice of track.


G: Is this the entrance to that (Pointing at Tower, while in the Coaster courtyard).
CM: Nope. This is the entrance to the parking lot.

MANAGER: You forgot your gloves? (Note: While it was in the 50s in the morning, the wind was blowing so it felt like the 40s)
CM: Nope. They got so cold themselves they jumped off my hands to locate the sheep from which they came from.

G: Can you go on this ride if you're pregnant? (To a male)
CM: If I'M pregnant?!?! I think I'd be too busy doing the morning talk show circuit!
Or
CM: Listen. If I was pregnant, going on this ride would be the least of my worries right now.
G: (Asking about the "morphing guitar") "That's part of the ride, right?"
CM: No, it's just the entrance to the ride.
G: You sure?
CM: Nope, I just say that to continue a conversation after a stupid question like that.

G: Are guys are closed? (People walking into the line)
CM: No, no we're open, it's just a selective amount of people we're letting in right now.

(At EPCOT on July 4th, waiting a barbaric three hours for IllumiNATIONS, MGM sets off their fireworks)
G: Oh are those for IllumiNATIONS?
CM: They could be, however those are for the Studios.
G: Oh Universal?
CM: No, Paramount Park
G: Oh, Ok.

Quote: "You better get your shit together mister we have been in line for almost an hour and forty five minutes and the sign downstairs said one hour and twenty minutes"
CM: "Sir that sign is in minutes and not hours your wait was 120 minutes which is Two hours"

G: "You should really post a warning on your sign that this ride goes upside down"
CM: "Why? It doesn't"
G: Well that’s what she said, pointing to another Guest"
CM: "She doesn't work here and obviously has never been on it"
G2: "Don't listen to him he doesn’t know anything"
CM: "Have you been on Soarin' before Ma'am"

G: "Yes, two years ago (snippy like)"
CM: " Interesting we only opened May 5th of this year"

*Break Time*

Negotiation Officer: CJ! Put the gun down and step away from the brazilian.
CJ: But he asked the stupidest question ever!
Officer: He's Brazilian! The only words, with all due respect, that most of them can speak clearly are FRONT ROW, Step away from them, NOW!
CJ: Alright, alright.
Random guest: What time is the 3 pm parade?
*CJ turns to the guest*
Officer: Oh hell, here we go again.


*Back to the In-Flight Movie*

G: Did anyone find a hat?
CM: Yeah, we've got a few, what's it look like?
G: Like this (Generalizing the description of the hat to simply "Like this")
CM: So a round thing with a bill on it?
G: No, it's got four icons on it, looks just like this (Despite the fact that the hat she was holding looked nothing like what she was describing).

G: What kind of ride is this?
CM: It's not a ride, it's a show.
G: Are there a lot of drops?
CM: No, it's a show.
G: So is there any spinning?
CM: NO, again this is a show, there is no movement.
G: This isn't where the kid died is it?
CM: (Wanting to say that no goats have died at Disney) No, that was mission space, the child didn't die on ride. (At this point I walked away pretending to flick a flick card)

G: Where are the Fireworks? And Where is the best place to be?
CM: In the sky and on the ground.

CM: I'm sorry sir, we are closed for the night.
G: Really, what time did you close tonight?
CM: Ten o'clock.
G: My watch says 9, I think you have the wrong time.
CM: Sir, I know it's past 10 because the fireworks are going off.
G: Are you sure they aren't at 9?
CM: Positive.
G: But my watch says 9.
CM: Sir, you do know that florida is in a different time zone?
Guest: huh?

G: Is it really a 40 minute wait?
Me: The wait system is currently facing some problems, either way, the wait is about 15 to 20 minutes.
G: So it's a 15 to 20 minute wait?
ME: Yeah...
G: Are you sure?
ME: No princess, I'm just here to randomly generate wait times for guests, here's you sign.
(Apparently she had been to SGT because)
Guest: Oh no, your CJ aren't you?
ME: You got it.

If you made it this far without any trouble, congratulations. To any managers that might have gotten ahold of this book, remember, it’s all in clean fun and the guest was given the correct information afterwards.

If you enjoyed reading this book, look for more soon.

If you didn’t enjoy it by any means, go jump off a cliff.

If you have any HYS’s that you would like added to the book, talk to C.J. (Chris L.) Or send me an e-mail (Found on the e-mail list in the break room).

Ok, fun is over...GET BACK TO WORK!

[SoarWhoreCoCo]

todays Brain Child Party of the day:

Me:How many in you party please?
G1:How many do we have?
G2:8
G3:12
G4:4
Me:Is everyone standing here together? Who is the last in the party?
G12: (Hand waving) I am
Me: (start Counting) Okay there are 1 2 3 4 ..... 15
G9: Can we have the front row
Me: All rows are front rows I can get only 10 in a row so please 10 in row 1 and 5 in row two.
(1.5 minutes of arranging and rearranging)
G8: Can we split up into 6, 6, and 5?
Me: No because you dont have enough people to do that in your party.
G8: But..
Me: HYS do the math lady :p:

[floridagirlsyd]

TODAY's Great Questions and Quotes from Soarin' at Epcot:

After the Fifth Brazilian tour group in an Hour with every other person asking WHAT IS THIS GAME?
My respone: SKEEBALL ONLY BETTER :p:

Oh my gosh. Okay so I'm so new, both to Coaster and this board, but with the end of Brazilian tour group season, I thought I'd share a little diddy from earlier this summer. As CJ says, grab a beer/soda, chips, popcorn, what have you, bc this one is a long one...

The entire day was a blur, filled with bright orange, lime green and yellow shirts. CM's understand. For those that aren't CM's and haven't had the priveledge of being in the park with a Brazilian tour group, the colors represent different groups, often in packs of more than 60 and they chant and sing and clap and scream in Portuguese. Naturally they all want to be in the front row, even though they have a party of 250 and all want to be on the same train.

The first incident included a woman having a seizure in the gift shop. We had to call an ambulance and evacuate the gift shop of guests, and stop cycling trains to keep guests out of the gift shop. This lasts about 45 minutes. We're back up and running for about 15 minutes and then a CP hits an e-stop for an extremely trivial reason. Meanwhile, I'm at Fastpass Return for both downtimes, fending off nasty guests with my flick cards, explaining why there are people in line, yet they aren't allowed in, etc etc etc.

So the e-stop situation is resolved, we're back up and running and I go back to the PC for a new assignment. Studio C. Fabulous. I'm there for maybe 2 shows and they drop the position, so I return to the PC again. On my way back inside, I'm passing by the load area and there is a Brazilian girl sitting on the hood of the car, kicking, screaming in Portuguese and tugging on the harness of the man who is in the front row (she didnt know this guy, yet was violently pulling on his harness). Four CM's are trying to coax her off the train. I was supposed to be on lunch but this was way more entertaining than anything I'd be seeing in the breakroom, so I stick around to be helpful. A page goes out over the Nextels and before I know it, the Merchandise manager is there, Star Tours manager is there, Fantasmic, Tower of Terror, and Foods manager is there.

The alley is packed with guests, the load platform is packed with guests. I mean quadruple loaded, 5 groups in rows 1 and 2. A man comes up to me and shows me a badge of some sort, and tells me he is certified to exhibit physical force if necessary. A kid I was hassling earlier in Studio B tells me to "taser her ass" and "drop an elbow". Women are calling me over to the fence telling me they speak Spanish and they could probably help, as a woman talking to a younger girl. Pure mayhem. People in the alley have out their video cameras, cell phones, cameras, everything to document this experience. Half are shouting for us to let her ride, the other half to get her the hell out.

Security finally comes and tells her the train at unload is just for her, so we get her out of everyone's sight. We take her through bypass to Unload where she is flailing around, almost throwing herself into the track, thrashing her arms and legs around like crazy. They finally throw her in a wheelchair and restrain her, and take her backstage. OCPD was there, Reedy Creek was there, again, all those managers, coordinators, CM's, the deck out back was a little law enforcement party. It was absolutely insane. Turns out the girl is bipolar and forgot her medicine??

Later that night I wrote on the whiteboard:
"Just for the record, when a guest requests the front row, that does not mean the hood of the car"

By far the stupidest guest trick I've seen in my days.

[IndyandMarion]

And so the force of the Coaster continues to grow here on the boards.
The followers are ready.
The revolution is at hand.
:twisted:

Thank God I wasn't around for that incident. Still, to an extent, wish I was.

Oh and Syd, 46 days...

[tenprincess]

Wow, here is a fun HYS I had a few days ago.

Guest: Where is tomorrowland?
Me: Pardon me?
Guest (points to the map): Where is tomorrowland, I'm trying to get there.
Me: Your standing in it.
Guest: No, I want to get to tomorrowland.
Me: You are already here.
Guest: Can you tell me how to get to tomorrowland?
Me: Down the street and to the left. (I sent her to toon town)

[floridagirlsyd]

Hey now, if you're even going to have the count, at least make it accurate. If tomorrow is the start to when I will have left and come back it will be 56 days. Puh-leeze.

And as the days get closer to my transfer date, I'm not entirely sure that you aren't correct in the count. However, I'll give myself a chance to love it or hate it... hopefully with a clear slate and not something tainted by your predictions. And with that, I'm off to bed.