Funniest Quotes

[IndyandMarion]

Ok, it's obvious here. What are some of the hands down, funniest quotes you've heard from Disney or other wise?

Lewis Black: Screw the color code terror system! There only needs to be three levels. Jesus Christ! Damn it! and **** me!

Tram host: Watch your step as you exit. If you hit your head, watch your language.

[TheManator]

Peter Griffin, From Family Guy.
At a motel, marching around the room with a Bible open, upside down.

"Look at me, I'm a Christian!"

[IndyandMarion]

Speaking of family guy: Holy Crip! He's a crapple.

Hey, it's family guy, what do you want?

May 1st, Season 4 baby!

[kimpossible33]

Family Guy has so many good quotes.

Peter: Oh my god Brian, there's a message in my Alpha-Bits. It says,
'Oooooo.'
Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios.

Chris: Dad, what's the blow-hole for?
Peter: I'll tell you what it's not for, son. And when I do, you'll understand why I can never go back to Sea World.

Peter: Ok, here's another riddle. A woman has two children. A homicidal murderer tells her she can only keep one. Which one does she let him kill?
Brian: That's... that's not a riddle. That's ... that's just terrible.
Peter: Wrong, the ugly one!

Peter: Lois, you've got a sick mind!
Lois: Peter, I'm talking about making love.
Peter: Oh, I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money.

[Zazu]

What are some of the hands down, funniest quotes you've heard from Disney or other wise?

A Tour Guide with a flock of tourons in the Utilidors was once heard to say, "And this is the Costuming Department, where they provide three complete costumes to each and every Cast Member. They have three because one's on the back, one's on the rack, and one's in the sack. This way, every Cast Member has a fresh and clean costume in their size for each and every shift here at the Magic Kingdom!"

Laughed so hard I thought I was going to lose my lunch!

[Socallica]

Ok, some of you might get offended by this, but this was too good to pass up.

I was driving with my brother to my aunt and uncle's house for Christmas dinner. The street we were driving down was all decorated for the holidays (felt like I hadn't even left work).

My brother turns to me (completely straight faced) and says, "I'm ready for this Christian-fad to go away now."

I started laughing so hard, I almost had to pull over.

*Please forward all hate mail to me personally, or PM me.

[GMC]

there's one part of my religion that i can't stand, and it's the holiday rush, why couldn't Jesus have been born in... march, there's not alot of holidays ... too close to the death? i'm going to hell.

[LittleDollClaudia]

I may have to offend a few as well with my response to that. Being of Pagan faith, I celebrate my New Year at Samhain (Halloween to you kids out there). Don't get me wrong, Christmas is great but I don't feel that I should pretend to be happy because of a particular season. Anyway, my fiancee had a wonderful way for me to wish all of my guests a Happy New Year and the like. *Enjoy your Anglo-Christian holiday, everyone!*

~sits back and waits for the stoning to begin~

Hey, I never said I didn't have a conscience but that Jiminy sure is annoying sometimes.

[IndyandMarion]

I find that religion is one way to start plenty of arguments (Even break up an relationship, which was a case with me).

But on the subject:

Robin Williams (on Easter) How do you get Crucifixtion and ressurection and then, chocolate bunnies and colored eggs?

[IndyandMarion]

Dog the Bounty Hunter:

Jim: If this guy doesn't run. Can we kick him in the ass then tell him to run so we can kick his ass again? I need to work out some kinks.