stupid Archives - Page 7 of 20 - Uncle Walt's Insider
A barricade at the entrance to the Main Street U.S.A. Autonomous Zone, which they're claiming isn't in the U.S.A.? Photo courtesy disneyparks.com, mynorthwest.com, & kennythepirate.com.

Disneyland declares itself “autonomous zone,” opens in defiance of Newsom ban

Throw a few barricades and hand-painted signs in front of the security checkpoints, and they're good to go! ANAHEIM, CA -- Borrowing an idea from Seattle protestors, today the Disney Company declared the Disneyland Resort an "autonomous zone" and opened the parks. The move comes in defiance of a ban by California Governor Gavin Newsom (D).  Disney CEO Bob "Robert" Chapek tells Uncle Walt's Insider, "I don't know why we hadn't thought of this before. I mean, the Florida properties have had their own ...
January 4, 2021 by Marty in California
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The final straw? CA governor facing recall after banning Churros

Nothing says "overbearing dictator" like denying citizens their Churros. ANAHEIM, CA -- While Disney continues to box up Disneyland for the move to Texas, even bigger news has dominated the headlines. California Governor Gavin Newsom (D) is facing a recall from angry voters.  Newsom's previous orders, while strict, were at least limited in scope, with only trying to run a small business, restaurant, or theme park banned. The new order is far more comprehensive -- and one detail in particular has the remaining ...
December 23, 2020 by Walt in California
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A future Disneyland guest. Photo © Lucasfilm.

Newsom: Disneyland can reopen if guests are frozen in carbonite for at least 14 days

The Science® says the virus won't survive the freezing process. Probably. Maybe. SACRADEMENTO, CA -- Gov. Gavin Newsom (D-Hypocrite) issued new guidelines for theme park reopening in California today. Disneyland can reopen to any guests who have been frozen in carbonite for at least 14 days. Admission preference will be given to anyone frozen since 2018 or earlier. Disney has begun signups on its park website for the freezing process, and is free to Platinum Annual Passholders and members of Club 33. Are you ...
December 11, 2020 by Marty in California
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Totally not a ride exit. Just a gift shop with a really fun and entertaining entrance. Photo by Patrick Pelletier [CC BY-SA 4.0] via Wikimedia.

Disneyland beats California ban, will open all rides as ‘shops’

The rides already exit into gift shops. Why not take advantage of that? ANAHEIM, CA -- Disney has already shown that you can safely operate a theme park. Billions of visitors currently at Walt Disney World (95% of them at Disney's Hollywood Studios) have proven that fact. However, California governor Gavin Newsome (D) has continued to force the parks to stay closed, which has led to longer bread and toilet paper lines, especially in Southern California. But now Disney park officials may have ...
November 2, 2020 by Walt in California
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You know we wear it as a badge of honor when Snopes debunks us, right? Photo source: Snopes.com.

An Open Letter to the Snopes Editorial Staff

Is this necessary? We thought Snopes was satire. UNCLE WALTS INSIDER H.Q., SVALBARD -- Dear Snopes Editorial Staff, We know you had to do it. We know that you had to remind the world that we're a satire web site (here and here). You've sworn an oath to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We understand. You're just doing your job. But, at the same time, we see how you described us. Reading between the lines, we sense the ...
October 27, 2020 by X in Spotlight
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