stupid Archives - Page 6 of 20 - Uncle Walt's Insider
You can save lots of $$ if you don't go here! Photo [CC0] via Wikimedia.

What to expect when Disneyland reopens

Here's all you need to know about the return to Walt's original park! ANAHEIM, CA -- Thanks to fake Biden's executive order and impenetrable mask breakthroughs, Disneyland may actually reopen soon! So we thought we'd share with you what to expect when you return to Disneyland. Buckle in, and away we go! Stale churros We hate to show any disrespect to Nature's Most Perfect Snack®, but that last batch of churros was made over a year ago. Expect them to be... well, let's just ...
March 15, 2021 by Marty in California
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Cover photo: Our first robot president signs another diktat. Photo by WillMcC [CC BY-SA 3.0] via Wikimedia / ABC News.

Disney’s Biden animatronic signs Executive Order reopening Disneyland!

Even malfunctioning, it's still more coherent than the real thing. WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- Disney Parks, Resorts & Spas officials have "taken advantage of a unique time in history," Uncle Walt's Insider has learned. "We know that there have been a flurry of executive orders being signed by Biden," said our source, who wishes to remain anonymous. Disney (no relation) continued, "And we have a Biden animatronic in the Hall of Presidents, and a resort in California that's been shut down for ...
February 10, 2021 by Marty in California, Florida
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A new, simple, Covid-19 prevention mask. Photo courtesy Texas A&M University, maybe.

Will this mask breakthrough allow Disneyland to reopen?

It's 100% effective at stopping the virus, and can be made with common household materials. COLLEGE STATION, TX -- This may be the break Disneyland officials have been waiting for! Researchers at the Texas A&M University Department of Biotechnology and Concrete Husbandry have announced a new masking solution that is 100% effective at preventing the spread of Covid-19. "It's so simple, we don't know why we didn't think of it before," says A&M (the college) spokesperson Jun Aggie (no relation). "We've been using ...
February 4, 2021 by Marty in California, World
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At least no one ever dies inside a Disney park, right? Photo by deror_avi [CC BY-SA 3.0] via Wikimedia.

Covid-19 ward opening at Disneyland’s Tom Sawyer Island

It's being temporarily renamed "Pirate's Covid at Tom Sawyer Island" ANAHEIM, CA -- Stymied in their efforts to open their theme parks, Disney has joined the fight against Covid-19. The Disney Company announced today that Tom Sawyer Island at the Disneyland Park will become a Covid-19 ward. Disney has already outfitted the island with the necessary medical equipment and trained Cast Members to handle Covid-19 patients. They won't put patients in Dead Man's Grotto, will they?  A temporary bridge is being constructed to get ...
January 23, 2021 by Walt in California
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