quarantine Archives - Uncle Walt's Insider
Oh, yeah. There's also a giant mask on Cinderella Castle. Photo by Michael Gray [CC BY-SA 2.0] via Flickr.

BREAKING: Walt Disney World closed following Monkeypox outbreak

Wait, what did they put on Main Street USA??? WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- In stunning news, exclusive to Uncle Walt's Insider [Ed.: Actually, most of the articles we make up are exclusive to us], Walt Disney World has shut down entirely due to an outbreak of monkeypox. Details are sketchy at the moment, so instead of making stuff up like we usually do, we reached out to our favorite Disney spokesperson. Our favorite Disney spokesperson Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation) was ...
September 3, 2022 by Marty in Florida
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Okay, they say they've cancelled the plans to open a camp at Toowoomba. They "say". Image via clipartpanda.com & clipartion.com.

Australian quarantine camp renamed “Disneyland Down Under” to quell protests

We're already booking our plane tickets. TOOWOOMBA, AUSTRALIA -- The government of Australia has figured out how to counter the protests against their aggressive anti-Covid policies: marketing. "That's right," Down Under (the country nickname) spokesperson Jun Under (no relation) tells Uncle Walt's Insider. "When we rip someone out of their home and ship them to a 'camp' based on a health scare, for some reason a lot of folks didn't like it. I mean, not just the ones we're locking up, but other ...
September 29, 2021 by Marty in World
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Of all the color-coded maps of the United States, this is definitely the most recent! Image by Marty, used (inexplicably) without permission.

INSIDER EXCLUSIVE: What this map of United States reveals is shocking

All the other websites have maps. Why not us? UNCLE WALT'S INSIDER H.Q., SVALBARD -- In what can only be described as "shocking" (it's right there in the headline, see?), a new map of the United States of America provides amazing insight into our current condition. Uncle Walt's Insider is the only place you will see this information, at least until Snopes tries to fact-check us again. "As you can see, there are many different colors on the map," said Marty Ralks, creator ...
December 5, 2020 by Marty in Spotlight
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New spray-on painted face masks at Walt Disney World. Photo [CC0] courtesy of pxhere.com & pxfuel.com.

Face-paint masks now offered at Walt Disney World

They're much easier to breathe in, also. DATELINE IN CAPS -- Gators may not be allowed, but now Walt Disney World is offering a mask alternative: face paint! Originally created by laid-off Photopass Cast Members as a way to pay their rent, the painted masks are proving to be extremely popular. Uncle Walt's Insider talked with one guest, Bruce Tomlinson from Lake Charles, LA, who asked not to be identified (pictured above). "These painted masks are awesome," the unnamed source said between coughing fits. ...
November 20, 2020 by Marty in California, Florida
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What Walt Disney World used to look like at Christmas time. Stock photo from DepositPhotos.

Walt Disney World cancels Christmas

He took all their presents, their ribbons, their wrappings, Their snoof and their fuzzles, their tringlers and trappings! WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- For decades, Disney has embraced the holidays, overloading their parks with festive garlands, lights, music, and shows. There were few places in the world that celebrated the season like Walt Disney World. But not this year. In yet another indicator that 2020 really sucks, [Ed.: Are professional journalists allowed to say "sucks" now?] [Marty: Forget professional journalists. How about us?] park officials announced ...
October 21, 2020 by Marty in Florida
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